Still feel the same way, why?
My ex-girlfriend and I broke up towards the end of September, last year. The reason we broke up is because she told me she did not believe that I loved her. After we broke up I realized what I had lost and did everything to try and win her back. We were together for two and a half years, she was my first, but I was not hers. She was 20 and I was 18 when we started dating. When we were together we would see each other basically everyday. I knew for a fact she never cheated on me, and I never cheated on her. We both stopped seeing most of our friends. At one point we had an apartment together and even got a cat that we called our child.
After we broke up we still continued to see each other. It went from seeing each other everyday to maybe 2-3 times a week. I was in shock during this period because all I thought about is why doesn't she want to see me as much as I want to see her? My life would revolve around her. When she called, I went running, usually picking her up from where ever she was, sleeping over her place, then giving her a ride to work the next morning. After we broke up my life went to shit. I forgot about school, completely lost motivation and failed all my classes. I also almost lost my job because all I could think about was her.
Fast forward one and a half months after we broke up, I found out she was seeing someone else who was a coworker of hers; mind you I got her her current job, which made me feel even shittier. At first she was apologetic about the whole situation, she admitted she slept with him once, right after we broke up and regrets it and hopes I will forgive her about it. As time went on I kept learning more and more things about her and this guy. How when she was not with me, she was with him, and when she was not with him, she was with me. I knew I was getting two timed but I couldn't get the strength to get up and leave. There have been periods when we went two weeks without talking, mainly because I would blow her off and not reply to her, but eventually give in.
Now, about two months ago she told me that they made things official and they are currently in a relationship with each other. After I found this out, my way of thinking completely changed. I used to do everything for her, but now I do nothing for her. We still see each other, about once a week and when we do see each other we do have sex and then proceed she proceeds to cry in my arms about how much she still loves me. After I found out about her and her new relationship, I slept with two other girls. I told her about the first one, but the second one she found out about. She tells me that our relationship is too damaged to fix, and I agree with her, but I still don't feel like I can let this go. Till this day, I wake up every morning thinking about her, why she is not with me, how lonely I feel. At first I revoked to drugs and alcohol to fix my problems but now I have been thinking about productive things to do to keep my mind off of her. I feel like finding a new girl would help me but I cant seem to get myself to do that. It feels impossible to get out there and meet new people because I'm stuck in the same group of friends with the same job at the same school. There are so many exciting things going on in my life, my parents buying their first house, me finally getting my pharmacy technician position at work, going to Florida on vacation next month, yet I am still sad, as sad as the day we first broke up. Lately I have been forcing myself to blow her off, but I still give in and see her. What do I do? I feel miserable, she is my everything, I love her so much but I am not in control of the situation. Can I ever get her back? Should I take her back? Any help would be much appreciated. Thank you.
