My friend is pregnant, should I continue?

Printable View

23-05-14, 10:18 AM
StarCommand

My friend is pregnant, should I continue?

I'm a guy, I've known her a little shy of a year and I've had a little crush on her for a while. She just broke up her bf a month ago who was controlling. We went on a date just a week and a half ago and we grew together more. Well I eventually confess my feelings to her and to my surprise she likes me as well. Shortly after that, the conversation led to the chance of her being pregnant with her ex. The following day she confirmed she was pregnant. She does not like her ex and her ex is giving her issues and not cooperating with the pregnancy issue.

Because I didn't give it much thought at the time and I definitely wanted to start a relationship with her, I told her that I would be there for her to support her (emotionally). She told me that she does not want a relationship at the moment obviously because of the news that she's pregnant, but she wants support from me.

The news is still fresh and I'm still trying to ease it to my mind that her whole life is going to change. I do not have a problem being a basic emotional and being insight-supportive during her pregnancy, but the thing that worries me is if I end up investing my emotions and she does not end up seeing me as her future boyfriend due to her new baby, OR I end up not liking her new lifestyle but she ends up dependent on me for continued emotional support.

Lastly, my current feelings about it is I want to support her emotionally and insight-wise as I've mentioned before. What is everyone's opinion?
23-05-14, 10:39 AM
basilandthyme

One of my friends met her now husband when she was early pregnant. On the face of it, it seemed a bit odd...but when you break it down, it's really no different to meeting someone who already has kids.

Anyway, I think your concerns are very valid. While I agree with her not jumping into a new relationship, I think that having you there in the wings giving all the support of a boyfriend but getting none of the benefits is selfish of her. Put yourself and your own needs first.
24-05-14, 01:49 AM
StarCommand

Quote:

Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

One of my friends met her now husband when she was early pregnant. On the face of it, it seemed a bit odd...but when you break it down, it's really no different to meeting someone who already has kids.

Anyway, I think your concerns are very valid. While I agree with her not jumping into a new relationship, I think that having you there in the wings giving all the support of a boyfriend but getting none of the benefits is selfish of her. Put yourself and your own needs first.

Thanks for the reply. I agree. A different female friend told me that it would be inevitable that I will eventually have to support them financially as a regular step-father would. I have about roughly 3-4 years(6-8 full semesters) left of college before finishing my B.S in Engineering, and I was told either this will cause a massive slowdown on my education or a complete halt because of a role I will be playing in both their lives.

I don't know how probable this is, but the reason I bring this up was because my friend also thinks with this support that my friend will fall for me and will really want me to be with her.
24-05-14, 07:22 AM
basilandthyme

Do not lose sight of the fact that if you weren't around she'd be having to support herself and the child. You must put your own education first and she must find a way to support herself and her child. And I don't think that supporting her will make her fall in love with you.

I still believe that you need to pull back from this situation. I fear that you're going to end up feeling very used and resentful.
24-05-14, 03:06 PM
StarCommand

Quote:

Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do not lose sight of the fact that if you weren't around she'd be having to support herself and the child. You must put your own education first and she must find a way to support herself and her child. And I don't think that supporting her will make her fall in love with you.

I still believe that you need to pull back from this situation. I fear that you're going to end up feeling very used and resentful.

In that case, I'll provide basic support as needed and not invest any emotions. Do you know a rough estimate on what's a safer time to restart my intimacy with her? When she shows signs of independence? Perhaps after her giving birth? Of course this is assuming that I haven't met anyone else at this time.
24-05-14, 03:31 PM
michelle23

I think you need to make a decision and stick with it. You can either be there for her or you cant. Its inevitable that feelings are going to be involved if you choose to continue being her emotional support and it wouldnt be fair to her if you change your mind in 6months and decide you cant do this so if your worried about getting hurt or the financial burden-walk away now.

She just got out of a relationship and shes v vulnerable right now-even more so because shes pregnant. I honestly think its not the right time and there is a real chance she will go back to her ex. Its probably better to walk away now instead of friendzoning yourself or her.
27-05-14, 03:58 PM
StarCommand

Quote:

Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think you need to make a decision and stick with it. You can either be there for her or you cant. Its inevitable that feelings are going to be involved if you choose to continue being her emotional support and it wouldnt be fair to her if you change your mind in 6months and decide you cant do this so if your worried about getting hurt or the financial burden-walk away now.

She just got out of a relationship and shes v vulnerable right now-even more so because shes pregnant. I honestly think its not the right time and there is a real chance she will go back to her ex. Its probably better to walk away now instead of friendzoning yourself or her.

Hmm what makes you say she'll go back to her ex? She said he was giving her problems and "I don't want to get stuck with that douchebag".

On a general note, I have just decided to provide the emotional support whenever she needs it. I won't put my education on hold, and I have only a couple years until I get my engineering degree, so if we grow on each other, I can take it to the next level fairly soon then.
27-05-14, 07:35 PM
michelle23

Shes pregnant with his baby. You would be surprised the % of women who stay with the wrong men coz they are pregnant or have kids. Im not saying I agree with it but I can understand how facing being a single parent is terrifying for a lot of people.