I need urgent relationship help;

First of all, if you're viewing this right now, thank you for hearing my confusion and pain. I'll never be able to thank you for helping me if you may do so.

I don't know where to start.. But I will try my best to just explain it as best as I can.

I'm in a relationship with an older man, he is the only thing I have in my life as far as importance's go. He's the first real relationship I've been in, as well as the longest. I can say I've developed an unhealthy dependency to him, but this is expected, seeing as I've been unfortunately been cursed with abandonment "issues", i.e a scarring past, as I was abandoned as a baby from my drug-induced birth mother. I've since been adopted by my Aunt and Uncle after testing positive for drugs at birth, and only once have I spoken to my biological mother throughout my whole life. I should tell you all I dropped myself from public school, due to constant paranoia, and anxiety attacks during class, you could say mental "bullying" as well. I have various arrays of trust issues expanding to not trusting people when I first meet people, to the people close to me if they secretly dislike or pity me, etc. I'm not exactly "anti", but selectively social. I've only conversed with family and boyfriend straight for the last year and a half. I close up and protect myself from potential damage I may suffer from if I allow others in. I believe, with great trust comes great responsibility, vice versa. Trust is allowing someone to be given a map of the most dangerous place to harm in a body, handing them a weapon, and trusting them not to. I have had a few suicidal moments. I do posses varies of insecurities, ranging from mental to physical significant traits. I am on pending medication for anxiety and depression. I'm pregnant, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend; in the earliest stages of pregnancy.

Now about my boyfriend; We argue, constantly. Once a day, and some days only very minute arguments. But we do have many good days. We posses a lot of love for each other, we talk all day and night, sleep on the phone as we are separated by a few hundred miles. We've visited eachother a few times. My boyfriend is a very air-headed person. Him and I are night and day. He's very social. He has many friends. He is a performer as a career, singing every weekend and sometimes weekdays. He's confident, handsome, got a big ego, popular, outgoing, and happy-go-lucky. He likes people that I don't like on purpose, he's very kind and nice to others but to me, I get the worst treatment above all. But my boyfriend has a good time putting me down. When I attempt to confide with him about things I find sentimental and either depressing, important, emotional, etc. Basically anything really on my mind. My boyfriend is very thick headed. I try to explain things to him about how I feel, and he makes me feel like I'm doing it to myself, gives me the line "It's all in your mind', says I'm being, quote on quote, extremely stupid, (keep in mind this is just when I voice an opinion or make an attempt to defend myself, before I get irritated with his attitude), and he actually TRIES to make me feel like trash, by when I say "don't doubt me, I'm trying to make an effort", he says, quote, "You'll always be this way, there's no hope, no changing you, you'll always f*cking be this way and I have to put up with it, that's great." He tries to make me feel pity for him, and disgust for myself, my actions, and my traits. There is no winning an argument with him. If I keep pressing the issue, he will say, "Goodnight, I don't need your bullshi*, you've ruined my whole night and day, thanks a lot." and hangs up. He does that because he knows it kills me inside when he leaves me all alone when he knows I'm in a vulnerable stage. He's mean a lot lately; he's told me lately that he doesn't technically need me in his life. He's be just fine alone. He said yes, he loves me, but he'd be fine without me and get over me shortly. That hurt me so much, he will never know. Yes, i cried to him and whined my ass off about it but eventually came to smiling and pretending it didn't bother me.. He is VERY passive. He believes I should be a normal functioning girl and over night my insecurities can simply disappear, that my mental scars I've lived with for my whole life will just go away because it's easy. Because he pressures me into his beliefs by saying if I'm not social, I'm not his ideal "normal", if I don't have an abortion, my family will hate me. If I don't listen to him, he will automatically know whatever comes out of my mouth is irrelevant. If I don't shut up, nod, smile and agree, I'm being a nuisance or an unreasonable, stubborn bit*h. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking these things. I have threatened him with suicide before with no actual intention to do so, but as of last night I was fed up; I went to the e.r at 2 in the morning for taking too many asprin tablets to give myself a swift, sweet end, and to stop burdening his life. It started from reading a text from my Mother to my Grandmother; my mother said this, quote, "I am so proud of Ariel(my sister), I honestly wish Aya(me) was more like her," They were commenting on how successful my sister has been lately and how mentally crippled I've been as of late. My sister receives many awards, while am confided to my bedroom and try to find myself. I cried to my boyfriend about it, he simply laughed at me. He said it's ridiculous to cry over it. He told me my Mom was right. He did not side with me, try to make me feel better, he basically shot me down, all of the strength I built up to confide in him something that had ruined my whole day, it was obliterated by his nonchalant attitude. He said I need to do better, try to be as good as her. He said it in a way that he expected this himself. He always wants me to do the best, to my full potential, but does it in a way he's hurting me and he takes it too far. The advice and relief I was trying to obtain quickly turned bitter and south, he became furious at my incompetence, my "inability" to not agree with him and see things exactly his way, and the argument led to him saying he was going to get a real job; and he said to me he does not care if it cripples our relationship, "so be it" he said, if it hurts me, too bad. He hit me low there, and obviously intended to hurt me even after I was drained of my whole front of strength. He said he'd work at a restaurant that caters to younger crowds of people; I, calm but flustered, explained to him that he would not be their first choice. He's older, and those days for him are gone. He defended himself by saying he could get any job he wanted, to BELIEVE him, he could. He then told me his brother got hired there and his brother is older than him. I replied by calmly stating the restaurant probably had low standards if they're hiring older people. He took the first slip up that came out of my mouth and used it against me, told me he was incredibly offended that I insulted his brother, scoffing wow and saying immature things like "really, wow, okay", etc. The fight escalated at my defensive pose, and he hung up on me, insulting me. I couldn't handle it. I took matters into my own hands and decided to end it. That I was so "done" to the point I wanted it to be over. I was glad. I was relieved even. And that's that story... My boyfriend also never apologizes. Ever. He thinks he is always right and I am always wrong. He thinks if something goes wrong, automatically, like clockwork, blame me. Now, I admit and own up to being a brat to him at times and rarely am I my opinion of a bitch, but even so I always admit it and apologize. Is that good enough? No, of course it isn't.. To sum this up, I try and try and I am never good enough. I give him everything he desires; I'm the most loving, caring, supportive, sweet, giving, and loyal girlfriend he's ever had. I satisfy his EVERY need, whether it's physical, or mental, whatever time or place, I do it and get it done my best. I've just been demoralized as of late and need advice.. I need help. I do love this man regarding our corrupt, cloudy relationship at times. He is my soul mate, I know that much. I know without him, I would make certain I'd get away with ending myself. I sincerely am begging for help, I'm distraught, I don't know what I can do and I am begging for help. I am pregnant with this man's undeveloped baby at the moment, I am crudely underage, but I have grown up way too fast. My innocence was not stolen from me, it simply faded with times of the adult situations I've encountered. Now.. My boyfriend and I are both aware of what kind of trouble he could get in if my parents were informed on any of this. You all may be thinking "no wonder she's stressed." Well, you're right.. Everything is crashing down at once slowly. I am aware I'm asking for help, so all of your opinions and suggestions are entirely welcome. I am open to criticism, help, and advice. Anything at this point will help me, so please if you could help, it would go a very long way. I don't know how to help the current situation; change myself? Talk to him? Do what? Change this, change that?? Please, help me.