So guys, is it possible to get my best friend to fall for me again?
So for over a year now, I have gone from noticing, to being interested, to falling really hard for my best friend. It has been happening since the day we met. Everything I prayed for, hoped for, and wished for, in a guy, he is and wants to be. Here is where shit gets tough... Well, we met in march. But we never hung out much. Just saw each other in school and all. But I always thought he was extremely attractive. I had a boyfriend at the time so I tried my best to keep things at a friendly basis. It was really hard though because I kept getting more attracted to him and I have very strong cheating morals. Well, after 6 months of dating that guy we ended up breaking up and that's when me and my best friend actually got to become best friends(we couldnt hangout before because of my boyfriend. My best friend always wanted me to break up with him and everyone always told me and my best friend that we would be the perfect couple together and that we should go out instead. When my boyfriend heard about that, he got pretty jealous)so really, when we started hanging out I fell pretty hard. The day I was going to tell him I liked him, he had told me he got a new girlfriend(talk about horrible timing eh?) well, that went on for about 3 months and it was horrible because he was so unhappy and I hated seeing him that way. But at the same time I was happy for him because there were times where he was happy. They were saying iloveyou and all. But at the same time, it also killed me. We talked everyday. Even one day, it went from 6 in the evening until 4 in the morning we would be having a phone conversation. Some even worse and longer. We would be talking about EVERYTHING. We'd playfight, and all things. We just really enjoyed each others company. And then in December, they had broken up. I hated it. He was so upset. But I also hated it because I was happy. By this point I was smitten and he had no clue. This past christmas eve I ended up telling him that I think I was starting to develop feelings for him. He told me that he's known for quiet a while, but to the extent was what was significant and mysterious. I told him just a crush(i totally lied) from there on he kept asking questions about us, we started talking everyday, even more...and well yeah...Things happened. We never held hands, kissed, or anything like that. But we did basically everything else. We played xbox while I cuddled him, we texted all day then called all night talking about any and everything(like always, but these talks seemed more...intimate) and everything. He did eventually end up telling me that he had realized that he was over his ex and that he has feelings for me too. He also admitted that he always found me really attractive but was too scared to speak to me so he waited until I spoke to him. I was extrememly happy. His family loves me, my family loves him. Everyone was on board with us being together. But then a bomb got dropped on me. See, me and my best friend both keep God really close to our lives. I prayed about my best friend already and got a yes it is okay for you to fall for him, but he texted me one day and said that he prayed about us, and that he is too scared of us breaking up, and that he really needs me because if we broke up he knew we wouldn't talk and he cant handle that. He said that God also told him "Friendship, for right now". It totally sucked because then a few days later, I learned that he had been talking to a new girl who is now his current girlfriend. It broke my heart. He did call me that same night and told me he did NOT stop talking to me for her* it's NOT what's going on. He said if anything think of it like she's a rebound. He couldn't have me but he could have her. So he took that chance. I was still heartbroken though, because it seemed like all his feelings for me have vanished so quickly and they were so strong before. It was things like on my birthday, I asked for a small kiss and he made a big deal about it making him uneasy to do since we weren't together, but on Valentines day(he had been talking to her for about a week or 2) he kissed her, and they basically have been lip locked ever since. He calls me all the time and tells me that I'm his special friend and she is just some high school girl, but that doesn't make me feel better...I can't just be his friend and I* don't know what to do. Our friendship has REALLY taken a huge toll. We've fought a lot now. About 3 times over this because we both don't know how to handle us not being together. I've tried ignoring him so I can heal, but I just fell for him more and he actually called me(and texted me, and IMd me, and Facebooked me, and Instagrammed me) and threatened that he was going to camp out at my house until I came outside to speak to him because he couldn't lose me and that I need to see that he needs me(that made me feel kinda worth it) and so on and so fourth. Even now, today, he keeps saying that he hates losing me, and that he can feel that our friendship has really suffered since we stopped talking, and he just wants me to tell him what he can do to help us get back to the way we were. (He also explained that one of the reasons we probably couldn't be together yet is the fact that he gets jealous and I am friends with my exes((I haven't spoken to any of them since then, they just haven't contacted me like they usually do)), I am apparently dominant and that isn't okay with him and I need to learn how to submit((Can someone please tell me what the hell that even means?)), and I keep telling him it's hard that he's just up and with her and all I hear about is her. Unless we're talking about horrible she is we don't speak, although now is worse because he told her about what happened with us and now she SHAPED UP and is behaving, and he asked if dumping her would make me feel better and bring me back closer to him. I of course said no, because I can see that he REALLY likes her, and he's her first relationship and then everyones unhappy. I want him and her happy at my cost. Not everyone unhappy just because I want him. She really sucked at first and I thought they wouldn't last but for the last week or so she's been behaving since he threatened leaving her and she has REALLY shaped up and now it seems they might stay together. We still hang out as much as we can. But its bittersweet when we do. We play games, talk, we play fight, we talk about how we can get that friendship back to what we had before his current girlfriend shows up, he knows my turn on spots so he'll teasefully poke them to make me squeal, he has me cook him food and he'll joke around and be like "I'm teaching you how to be a wife. Make me food please." all of it(By the way, he loves anything I cook for him. Even simple like Ramen noodles) all of it...it sucks. I even washed my hair that day before I cooked and he combed it while it was still wet while I made him food. I don't know what to do anymore. I am honestly trying to let this go but I just cant seem to. To make matters worse I am in a relationship right now. But I cant fully be in that relationship because its like Im settling for second best and he doesn't deserve that. My best friend doesn't like him though, and wants me to break up with him, but I wont because this is the third boyfriend he has tried to influence me to break up with. Two of them worked. Can somebody please help me? He wants me to meet his girlfriend but I can't. I cry a lot over this. I can't see them together. Honestly, seeing them together makes me physically sick. My stomach hurts to the point of tears if I even think about them being together. What's going to happen when I see them kiss and they're gonna be all over each other? I know for a fact she's going to try to do that infront of my face. She seems so nice but also like she has a devious side...but I believe that's the jealousy talking..Should I end this friendship? Or stick it out like everyone says I should? I don't know anymore. I'm just really tired and hurt. Please help me. He calls every night saying they may not last and that no matter what, I am more special than she is. Even my own parents say we are in love and that I just need to wait because right now, he just really doesn't know what he wants. Please help me. What should I do?
***UPDATE***
That was from about a month or two ago. And what I decided to do was stick it out but sadly, that didnt work. To keep matters short, his current girlfriend crashed and burned a few weeks after that. He was extremely devestated because he really liked her and he had to see her everyday, and so he would just call me upset all of the time. Eventually once he was over her enough, I tried to talk to him about maybe trying again for this relationship but then he hit me with the bomb that to get over me, he had to bury his feelings. And that once that is basically done, they cant come back. Talk about devestation. But then, I was given a peak of hope when he told me that no promises but he really doesn't know. So I still took that as a beacon of hope for maybe trying again someday(someday as in like tomorrow, like all girls seem to want)
But then something began to block my way, and that is some 16 year old that saw him on instagram and suddenly developed an infatuating crush on him. They started talking and she has been hardcore flirting, hinting, and sending her friends to figure out if he liked her or not. Keep in mind, this guy turns 20 in a few months and is pretty mature for his age. And by the way she looks, and acts...shes your average 16 year old girl with an infatuating crush on a guy she's never even met in person...
Well, he kept saying he doesn't see anything with her. Much like he told me. He doesnt want to be in a relationship right now or anything serious, but doesnt stop him from flirting with her a lot and when she got back together with her ex, he kept saying she was being stupid and should break up with him(much like he was doing me), and said she just friendzone herself(also keep in mind this girl looks a lot like his ex he broke up with, and we both noticed thats probably why he even gives her the time of day) also, he got pretty mad when he found out she was just going to try to get with him if her and her ex getting back together didnt work out. So he told me she had no chance, but got angry when he found that out and said any chance she might've had she just killed...then she called back and now he's just thinking about meeting her and seeing what she's about...I feel like the whole I dont want a relationship right now thing was just some bullcrap he tried to feed me...getting off the topic of her...
A few days before all this happened, he was talking about how he got to walk his ex back to class and nothing changed except they didn't hold hands, and I asked him to please not talk about that because I can't take it anymore, and then he responded "What are we supposed to talk about?" And then I responded "If thats the only reason why I'm here, is to talk about other girls, I'm not a friend, I'm a trashcan." And he said that he needed alone time and hung up the phone. I was angry and then when he called back I wouldn't answer. He texted and I wouldn't answer. And he called and called and called the whole. ****ING. day. This fight happened in the morning by the way. So he was calling all day and texting all day and leaving voicemails saying he was sorry for what he said and he didn't mean it that way. And I still wouldn't answer. That went on for four days. We deleted each other off of profiles, and the third day he just stopped texting and calling. And I can say I was a complete wreck and I was the one doing the blowing off. I also felt like he needed time to miss me. Maybe see his feelings toward our friendship isnt a friendship. We cross that line of friends a long time ago and now we're just sitting on the border line missing each other...l through his calls and texts he kept saying I meant the world and more to him, but I just don't feel that way anymore. Especially since he got offended by me saying I dont want to talk about other girls anymore because it hurt my feelings. He made it sound like he didnt care...
Well anyways, after four days of vlowing him off, he left a voicemail saying he doesnt know what to do anymore and that he truly cares about me and I mean the world and more to him, he just hasn't had the time to show it. But he isnt going to try if I just blow him off. So I called back, and we decided maybe being friends isnt the best idea, and that we'll give it some time and then see if we can try to be friends again, and he let me know that while I was gone, he literally sat for like 3 hours and tried to find his feelings and couldn't find them. But Maybe once we become friends again he can take me on a date. And I told him I was fine with that. .
Well now? Its different. We tried to not talk but it didnt work. He'd call, I'd text, and we'd both admit that it was too hard and afterall, yeah theres feelings there on my side, but we are best friends too ultimately. So we decided to just let it be, and what will be, will be. But that also means I dont know if hes going back on his date idea or not...
I know theres nothing I can do, wear, say, or act to make his feelings come back..and after a long time of thinking about it I just noticed I don't want them to. I want his old feelings to die off and I want him to develop new feelings for me. See me as a new person. We are different people now to be honest.
And he keeps saying he wants that perfect friendship back, and he keeps hinting thats how he became interested in me in the first place. And now when he texts theres more faces and hearts and now he tells me he loves me, but he tries to add as a friend at the end. I feel like hes trying to push me in the friendzone but at the same time he doesn't want me to go.
So guys....can you relate to this? What should I do? Give him our friendship back while knowing for a fact we havent been able to have a friendship without acting like we could be interested in each other? And how do I get him to become interested in me all over again?
Thanks in advance...
P.s., if you read this all the way through to the end, high five man! You're awesome!!
