maybe i was just too confused
Yes, you make sense. I'm not sure whether i'll be thinking of breaking up with him again in another few months. I guess I was just too confused about our relationship. I dont know how to communicate with him, it seems really hard for my bf to open up, whenever i try to talk about my feelings or ask about his feelings, all i get is silence or "i dont know". I like to talk about things, and like to be able to talk on the phone everyday. He hates talking on the phone, and he doesnt talk much in real life either. I complained, and he tried to call me more, like 2 or 3 times a week, but I could tell he had to try to think of things to talk with me on the pnone, so after a while i just gave up.
I'm feeling relieved because now I dont have to guess what he's thinking all the time. My school is really stressful, this shaky relationship has been distracting me so much that I could not concentrate on what I'm doing. I'm having some important job interviews next month, and I'm doing this for US, it is in a bigger city near his home, and I figured if i got the job maybe he could move out of that small town(he doesnt wanna stay there). On the one hand I'm doing everything for us, on the other hand I dont even know if he loves me or not. I think he wants me, I even believe he wants to marry me someday, but he's just unsure about what's gonna happen in the future, he's afraid of being hurt and that's why he wont open up. So instead of trying to make it work, he wants to give up all the time. That's what frustrated me. To me distance, job is not a big deal if we're in love, to him, it is a big deal. Maybe I'm just too romantic, and he's too practical.
Anyway, this relationship is just too confusing, it's such a weird combination, like every thing i hate about him is actually what attracts me. Like I dont like him being shy and not talk, but i'm also attrated to his shyness, it's very sexy. i dont like him not talking, but i also can feel that he cares for me because he do things for me, he fixes my car, fixes my AC, buys me birthday gift, comforts me when i'm stressed out....So, now i actually feel guilty about breaking up with him because whenever I see my car, i watch DVD(he bought dvd player for me ) or use my AC, i think of him. I wanna go back to him, but that day when i finally talked about breaking up with him he sounded super cold, like he doesnt care. i asked him if his heart is made of stone he said maybe.. I dont know what i should do. i dont wanna get back together right away cuz i need some time, but i'm also so afraid that he might start seeing other people and i will lose him forever.