I don't know what to do. I feel so hurt.

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05-07-14, 04:56 PM
shenten

I don't know what to do. I feel so hurt.

I need an honest opinion.Tricky situation.
I've been with my boyfriend for the past 2 years. When we started "dating" for the first 2 months it was unofficial. But I had told him upfront that if he was seeing anyone he should just tell me and I would understand. I only wanted transparency. Our connection was very strong and I trusted him implicitly that he would never do anything, and in my head it was unlikely that he would but if he did he would tell me. Till we became official 4 months later. He told me he slept with an ex once, 2 months into knowing me and it was because he heard a rumor of me sleeping with someone. I was just so mad and angry because I would never do that. I was hurt because during that time I had asked him if he was seeing someone and he said no. He lied to me straight up. I thought we were doing fine then. His excuse was that he didn't know me well enough to trust me which I find hard to believe because I was very honest about everything.I'm so shattered because uptil the moment he told me, i though we were perfect and I feel so blind. We've been trying to work past it but it's just so hard. I don't know whether I'm right to be mad or he's right to be excused. Everytime I think about it I feel so hurt and we end up fighting about this. If it weren't for this, our relationship would be perfect but he just went and messed it up. We are serious and he wants to marry me. And thats what tears me apart. The love of my life did this to me. I know he will never do it again, but the hurt doesn't go.I feel like I really didn't deserve what he did to me. What should I do? I'm the sort of person who finds it really hard to let things go when betrayed.
05-07-14, 05:11 PM
michelle23

Why did you tell him you would be okay with it when you really wern't?

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And when did you find out?
05-07-14, 05:42 PM
shenten

Quote:

Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why did you tell him you would be okay with it when you really wern't?

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And when did you find out?

I never told him I was okay with it. I told him that if he was seeing someone at any given point he needed to be honest with me just as I would be with him. Even though I didn't want to see anybody else. I asked him at that point initially that if he wanted to see anyone else or if he was with anyone and he lied to me and said no. He told me the truth 2 months after officially dating when I had this uneasy gut feeling about it and confronted him.
05-07-14, 08:35 PM
TablesandChairs

It's not okay for him to say 'Well I did it because I thought you were doing it'. He's not taking responsibility. He should be apologising profusely, if anything, and asking for your trust again. Instead, he's dodging things. If he thought you were sleeping around, he could have asked you. My guess is that he used it to justify his actions and not feel so bad.

The first 2 months of a relationship is usually that period where you're so infatuated with your partner that you can't even fathom being with anyone else so to me it's strange...so I guess it's up to you as to whether you think he's worth forgiving and whether or not he shows remorse.

I'm Australian so I'm not too familiar with the whole 'official' thing...I don't think my partner and I have ever said 'we're officially together now'...it's sort of just implied.
06-07-14, 07:45 PM
michelle23

So this was nearly 2years ago and your still hurt now but you have stayed all this time?? Why didn't you end it back then? He basically cheated and lied. Is this relationship worth all the pain you are going through? I would rather be alone
06-07-14, 10:15 PM
shenten

Quote:

Originally Posted by TablesandChairs [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It's not okay for him to say 'Well I did it because I thought you were doing it'. He's not taking responsibility. He should be apologising profusely, if anything, and asking for your trust again. Instead, he's dodging things. If he thought you were sleeping around, he could have asked you. My guess is that he used it to justify his actions and not feel so bad.

The first 2 months of a relationship is usually that period where you're so infatuated with your partner that you can't even fathom being with anyone else so to me it's strange...so I guess it's up to you as to whether you think he's worth forgiving and whether or not he shows remorse.

I'm Australian so I'm not too familiar with the whole 'official' thing...I don't think my partner and I have ever said 'we're officially together now'...it's sort of just implied.

I know. The sad part is that he asked me if i was, and I told him the truth then. That I wasn't sleeping with anyone. Which is why I'm even more mad and upset. His other excuse is that he heard the rumor from a "trusted" source, who is another ex. And that person was a very close friend.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So this was nearly 2years ago and your still hurt now but you have stayed all this time?? Why didn't you end it back then? He basically cheated and lied. Is this relationship worth all the pain you are going through? I would rather be alone

I know, but we both love each other a lot. But I don't know if it's enough for me to forget this.