Friendship seemed to be heading for romance until abrupt rejection

I'm 53, divorced with a teen son, and been living with a woman for 9 years. We are no longer romantically attach and basically stay together to share expenses.

About 4 or 5 years ago I met a woman, now 48, at my gym. She was very pleasant, friendly and popular. She was also married. When I met her she was about 80 pounds overweight but still cute. There was a group of about 12 of us at the gym who became good friends and would go out to dinner once or twice a year.

Over time we became friendly, but I never thought of her romantically because she was married. One night when we were out for dinner she showed up with a guy from the gym who was not her husband. Soon I learned that she had apparently strayed from her marriage several times with several guys over the years. She had one relationship that lasted almost 8 years with another married guy.

Anyhow about a year ago her son was in the hospital and I would check in with her at night by text to see how she and he were doing. We then started texting on a fairly regular basis, mostly fun, sometimes flirty, but not in a serious flirty way.

Last summer she started texting me some pictures, including pictures of her in a bikini. We would continue to engage in harmless flirtation, mostly me suggesting things and her responding with a comment
Ike "fresh" lol.

She started seeing a management type guy around her age who was married with two kids. She would tell me and a few others at the gym of how they would go out and have sex in restaurant rest rooms. She also started complaining more about her husband's slack of attention to her.

In late December she ended the affair due to the wife finding out and hassling her and the guy not treating the way she liked to be treated. I told her at the time I was sorry for her bug yang given my feelings for her that I was biased. Around this time she sent me a couple of selfies she had taken weeks or months before which showed her in a bra and thong in her bathroom. I would tell her how sexy she looked and she would say that she was too fat. Oh, I forgot, she lost 50 pounds over that past year and looked great,

The texting continued, almost daily. In late January of this year she sent me two pictures of her from last summer. Both pictures were of her on a motorcycle with her top down and breasts exposed. She sent them with the note "anything for you, lol".

In early February she texted me one saturday morning asking if I wanted to meet her for lunch. I wanted to but couldn't that day. We eventually were able to get together for lunch on a saturday sometime in March. It was nice, but not overly romantic.

The woman I live with has the same name as her. One time early this year she said in a text "so what happens when you're f$$king me and you yell out (their name), how will I know who you mean?" All signs seem to be heading in the right direction.

Around March she told me that a ugh at the gym (who liked her) claimed I had a small penis. I chuckled at this. Another mutual male friend told her the guy was crazy. One Friday night we were texting and I kiddingly asked her if she wanted to see who was right. Nashe said she did. So I took a PIC and asked her again if she wanted to see it. She said yes, so I sent it. I asked "so who was right?" She responded OMG Matt (mutual friend) was right. We then proceeded to get into a very graphic sexting session with each other.

Around this same time I noticed her saying hello each morning to a new ugh at the gym. Turns out he is 14 years her junior and had a rough life. He would walk by us where we worked out and say hello to her and she would respond hello. This guy is never married with no kids and has been 5 years sober from bad drug issues.

Come to find out, she was having sex with this guy. From her brief dismissive mentions it appeared to be a friends with benefits type thing, she commented that "it's not like we are girlfriend and boyfriend". I asked her a couple other times what was up with her and him and she was very dismissive of it.

In may I sent her a Mother's Day text that made her cry she got so emotional, she posted it on facebook and told everyone how it made her cry. She also mentioned that this other ugh, she used only his initials, had also said something nice a couple nights before.

She started mentioning him a little more I conversation, but still not much. She would say things like "he's really starting to open up and break down his walls."

Also around this time a new male tenant moved into her house. Single, about 10 years younger and good looking, she seemed very interested in him, having taken off work one day to sound the day with him on his bike. She also went out with him a couple times at night. She texted me once asking if I thought he was a good guy and that she felt like she had know him for years.

In June she had a family wedding with her husband. Leading up to the wedding she was concrete d about how she looked. I would text her every day telling h how beautiful she was both inside and out. She said that I had rose colored glasses. I told her I never lied about her, which I didn't. She said I was the only hug who felt that way about her and she wished others would feel the same way I did.

So now I'm thinking we are getting close. Days before the wedding I send her a text telling her that I bet at least 12 people call her beautiful. I said loser of the bet buys the other dinner. She responded "deal"

The night of the wedding she texted me pictures of herself. We texted back and forth all night. She told me that no one was complimenting her and I told her they were crazy. I told her I would live to be there to have even just one dance withher. She said it would probably be her only dance.

I felt great!!!

The next day on FB she posts pictures of herself and her husband at the wedding. She hit a compliment on the shoes. She mentioned the other ugh by name and said he had picked them out and did a great job. My bubble was starting g to burst.

The next few days I notice she is posting messages to him on FB like "have a nice day xoxo". A few days later she posts a very romantic quote about being in the arms of one who supports you and lists it as being g posted by her AND him. At this point,I text her and ask basically ?

I text her "so should I give up any hope of you and I hooking up? ". No reply for an hour, then I get "I'm driving haven't read text yet". About an hour after that I get "I'm sorry, I think it's best if we are just friends"

I was devastated . I had fallen in live with this woman and had just been shot down. I opened up to her about how I strongly I felt about her. She claimed to be surprised and sad since she didn't ever want to hurt anyone. I told her I was going to stay clear of the gym for awhile because it was too hard. She was telling me she felt sad and horrible. She also told me she had strong feelings for the younger guy.

The next day I did go to the gym and she seemed happy in went. Later we text some more and I told her I was kind of confused by what happened. I also asked her if the guy had any kids and she said "no, why?" And I asked if he wanted any (which he can't have with her at this point in her life) and she said that he said he didn't want any kids and that this was important to her. I then talked about the financial realities of divorce and she said she did to care. I probably got a little nasty but I was pissed!

The next morning at the gym things seemed ok, actually better, as I was leaving the ugh was standing over near her and I alkyd over as I always do and said goodbye to everyone, within an hour I get a set from her that she feels awkward about all my texts from the previous night any is thinking of jug going to another gym. I started pointing out the issues I had with how things went down and she had a BS answer for everything. E,g. Oh I was drunk when we sexted. Anyway I told her I would stay away and she didn't have to leave.

I stayed away for three weeks. Other people at the gym texted me to see where I was. Nothing from her and I didn't text or call her either.

One morning last week I decided to show up. I waved to her as usual and when I came out to the chine she was gone. She went to the ladies room. When she came back I turned to her from my aching and said "good morning". She completely ignored me and stuck her headphones I. Her ears. After a couple minutes I got off my machine and said "clearly I'm annoying you". When I said this she started to take out her earphone s but had no response

Since the. I have completely ignored her.

Problem is, I can't get her out of my head. I know I made the mistake of leading with my heart instead of my head. I guess I was floored by how quickly this guy 14 years her junior went from a f$$k buddy to a soulmate. Also, I'm wondering if she was ever interested in me or playing me. She has self esteem issues . As crazy as I know it sounds, I still live her and still hold out some slim hope that this cougar cub relationship will fall apart and she will reconsider me.

Help!!! Any thoughts.