Who Wears The Pants In The Relationship?

Hi guys, I'm new to the forum so don't be too harsh on me.

I've been together with my girlfriend and now fiance for 3.5 years. She is the woman of my dreams and I have been in love with her since primary school where we studied together. One year into our relationship, I tell her that I would like to move to a country in Dubai because there is little job prospect in our country for me (we are from Ukraine, but I got my BBA from Canada). She agreed and we started moving 9 months later. It went relatively smooth because my father lives and owns a company in Dubai. I started working at my father's company and she found a job. With time I started my own online business on the side and 3 years into the relationship stopped working at the company altogether. I love my new job and am able to make a nice living while not overworking and doing what I love.

Ever since I stopped working at the company, I am able to work in any country. And naturally I want to live at home. Living in an Arabic country is quite difficult for me as the climate is very hot and the constant AC and changes of temperature are bad for my health. For example, I have constant throat aches and stomach aches. I have consulted several doctors and they all agreed that I need a milder climate. Shouldn't be a problem, we can move anywhere since my job is not geographically fixed, right? WRONG!

In the beginning I tried explaining that the climate as well as everything else is making it very difficult for me and that I want to move back home. Every time I started this topic she became very defensive and refused to even entertain this idea. She doesn't want to move back home. One month ago we went back to Ukraine for a vacation. I had a lot of time on my hands to think, since I went a week earlier than she did. When she arrived in Ukraine, I started a serious conversation with her that I cannot live Dubai, explaining all the factors. I also explain to her why I want to live in Ukraine and how it has always been my dream to live in my home country.

My main arguments are that one should always live at home if he has an opportunity to do so. Besides we want to have kids and I cannot imaging bringing them up in another country. I lived half of my life abroad and it was difficult for me. I want my kids to live in their home country until they are mature to decide if they want to move/ emigrate etc. I don't want to go in detail, but I believe my arguments are quite rational and convincing.

I asked her to write a list of her arguments. She has two main points. 1) There's a war in the eastern part of Ukraine as many of you might know. ( this is not a problem as we can wait, we don't have to move immediately). 2) She is afraid that she will not be able to find a job. (also not a problem since I promised that we will first find her a job and only then move). THE REAL REASON is that she will not be as financially secure in Ukraine as she is in Dubai. As a couple we will actually be 'richer' in Ukraine because my income is fixed and the cost of living is obviously cheaper in Ukraine. But she alone will of course be less financially secure since the salaries in Ukraine are much lower.

So my next step is to ask her to write a list of life values in order to try to understand what is going on. She wrote 1)family 2)health 3) carreer 4) financial security. Nothing wrong there. However when I asked to clarify each of her values, it turns out that she wants a career in order to "be independent from me" and to be able to "have an equal voice" in our relationship.

WHOA?! I am not against that, but she already has that! Even more so. We already do pretty much as she wants. Everything revolves around her anyway. We spend our weekends as she wants. I spend all my free time with her. All the decisions go her way, and those that don't have her interests in mind. In many ways, I don't even explain what I want and just go with what she wants. Except for moving back home. One thing!

Now I don't know what to do. First of all, moving back to Ukraine is really something I am not ready to compromise on - I want my kids to be Ukrainian. Secondly, I feel like I am already being pussy whipped and if I do not make a stand here, its game over.

Yesterday, I did not come home after work and went to the beach instead. I didn't do it out of spite. I just really wanted to go to the beach and spend some time alone. I called her and told her I want to spend some time alone on the beach. Today she is pissed off with me.

Any advice is appreciated. How do we resolve this?

She wouldn't be the only person who wants out of Eastern Europe...I understand you have strong cultural ties, but she's not a bitch simply because she doesn't want to go somewhere that is currently a) not entirely safe and b) not economically thriving. I work in a constantly air-conditioned environment; my body doesn't love it, but that's how it is, not the end of the world. I try to get as much sun as I can when I'm not at work. This is something you both seriously need to talk about - if you absolutely cannot fathom not living in the Ukraine and she absolutely does not want to go back...then there's not a lot that can be done. Someone will need to compromise.

You say you spend your weekends doing whatever she wants...well, why? Why can't you say 'Oh, I'd really like for us to do this today'.