What is she Thinking?

Hi Im Dan. I met this girl in high school and we became friends and have been friends for the past 10 years. I've been in love with her since the day I met her. we have always been close. i have always been there for her and everybody could tell that there was an attraction between the 2 of us.

So about 8 months ago i took her out to dinner. we had a great time. that night i decided i couldn't wait any longer and i kissed her. I told her ive been waiting 10 years to do that..she had the biggest smile on her face saying she's been waiting 10 years for me to do that...

So we ended up having sex that night. it was the best night of my life...The next morning she tells me that we are officially friends with benefits. So i went along with that for about 6 months and we had been having sex and just really enjoying each others company that entire time....Then some guy at work asks me if i would marry her if i had the chance.. i said absolutely...it was kind of a funny story so i told it to her...after that we went almost 2 weeks without speaking..she was ignoring all my texts and phone calls

Then out of the blue she call and says we need to talk..so she comes over and she said she got a little freaked when i said that i would marry her( i was not proposing to her it was just a general statement)..and she thought we needed a break from each other. she says she thinks i have false love for her because we had sex. so she says she think i should go have sex with other women...so i tried that and it was just horrible cause all i could think about was her.

so i told her i wanted to take us to the next level. That shes the person i think of when i sleep at night and the first person i think of in the morning...I tell her that i love her and that i always have..shes crying at this point saying that she loves me too...

But she tells me that she doesn't want to date because in her past relationships she had a tendency to fool around..And she wouldn't be able to live with her self if we dated and she did that to me...

I tell her that im willing to forget her past and start fresh with her..i tell her that i believe that if she loves me like how she says she does. she wouldn't even think of fooling around...She tells me shes not willing to take that risk cause she loves me too much and doesn't want to hurt me.....I gave her some space for about a month.I start talking to her again and ask if she thought anymore about what we talked about and she tells me she started dating some other guy...She tells me that with this relationship shes really trying to not fool around. and i got angry cause i wish she would of tried that with me instead of not going out with me...

She said maybe we should end the friendship so i wouldn't be hurt anymore seeing her with this new guy. I told her ending the friendship is the worst thing she could cause i don't want to lose her in my life. I love her to much to lose her.

So i said we should try and stay friends. its been kind of hard doing so, but im trying to make it work cause i would rather have her in my life as a friend than not at all..I tell her that i wish i could of made it work between us..but i hope at least this guy treats her well cause i just want her to be happy..

So she recently invites me over for a movie night..We stay up till about 5am and were sitting on the couch ans she get up and says shes going to bed..I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable by laying in bed with her so i start to fall asllep on the couch...

About 10min. later she comes out and grabs me by the hand and pulls me into bed with her and we cuddled all night. nothing else happened. We just held each other all night...

i just need help on what to do..I cant tell if she wants to be with me and shes just afraid of hurting me. Or if she just said that cause shes not into me that way and didn't want to hurt my feelings...Any help on what shes thinking or on what i should do is greatly appreciated cause im losing all sleep over this..I just cant let her go

I cant tell if she really wants to be friends or if she wants me to keep trying to win her over.

Don't know if it matters but im 24 and shes 22.

( P.S. sorry for the long story i just wrote, but me and her have been through a lot together)