How to handle things during what MIGHT be a temporary breakup

Okay, where do I begin?

I am currently 20, and my ex is 17 (soon to be 18).

We started dating in the spring of 2013 after developing a nice friendship for two years prior. Everything went smoothly for about two months until my mother passed away later in the spring. Due to a rocky childhood, I had always relied on my mother for emotional support more so than others (my family has a long history of drug addiction, low self-esteem, and depression), but overall I am the shining light for my family; I'm nearing my degree in Journalism and have already interned for three newspapers, and I hold several jobs during the school year and summer to help pay for things myself.



This is beside the point.



Regardless, this emotional need was transferred to my girlfriend upon my mother's death, and it caused several problems that eventually festered into a nasty breakup two weeks ago.



Though we get along fantastic and have similiar goals, dreams, and amazing chemistry (both physical and emotional), this emotional krutch I had for her created a very unhealthy relationship that involved emotional abuse (on both ends but mostly mine), light physical abuse (shoved her onto a bed once and gripped her thigh tightly, which created a bruise). Yet, our relationship remained bipolar because we could go from a string of fantastic and nourishing dates one week to a slew of fights the next; this was based on my emotional problems and how I felt at any given day.



Let's get back to the present.



We have agreed to meet up two weeks from today (and a month from the breakup) for what she has aknowledged as a "date." I have sent her flowers twice in the past 2 weeks, both of which she texted me gratitude for despite our "no contact' agreement. I have also seen her mom in person a few times (her family loves me very dearly despite the problems and has opened their door for me anytime) and talked out the problems.



Here's the kicker: every single time the ex and I have made contact the past two weeks, it has been confusing. She has contacted me twice to update me on her developing writing career, and one other time to let me know she misses me and cares about me. I have taken these conversations in stride though she has prematurely cut them off everytime. The ironic part is that the times that I have contacted her have been on cordial grounds: to change the time of our date on the 7th and to let her know to bring an extra outfit for the day. Both times she has freaked out immensely and thrown around the "F**k off" or some other angry, hateful words.



I understand why she is experiencing these mood swings; our relationship ended on a night in which she kicked me out of her house for shoving her (no parents around, only brother) and I ended up drinking a half a bottle of vodka so she wouldn't let me drive (I ended up sleeping in my car). I also understand that she misses me but also feels conflicted because of my terrible actions, but it makes me nervous the way she is treating this no contact period.



Here's another update (I apologize for how unorganized this is): I have been seeking counseling and help throughout the past two weeks to get on track towards a better character who can sustain a healthy relationship. Despite the heartbreak and anxiety (Is she dating other guys? Is she going to stand me up on the 7th?), I've remained diligent to the things I've needed to change and I can honestly feel myself growing up and away from the emotional dependancy I operated under for 20 years. It is going to be a long road, but I've made the first few steps.



This is vitally important, because I know that these changes can create a very healthy, loving, and cherished relationship between the ex and I, and she aknowledges this despite the fact that she doesn't believe I can actually change. She gave me a slight benefit of the doubt by accepting our date as a romantic meeting, but I am still filled with heartbreak and anxiety. With two weeks left, I feel that the uncertainty of what is to come is going to crush me and lead me back into emotional dependancy, which will in turn cause me to break our no-contact rule and push her farther away by showing neediness.



And please; hold off on the "abuse" whistle blowing. I have never hit my ex with an object or my closed (or open) hand. She has been given bigger bruises during play wrestling with me than the size of the one on her leg following the squeeze. This is not a case of white trash wife beating, just some hurtful and destructive habits that will evolve unless I get them under control; which counseling has helped me conquer.



Is there any possible way that I can increase my chances of a happy reunion during the next two weeks? I am very open to any suggestions, support, or advice.



Thank you.