Ok women, I need help. How can a woman lock up and move on?
Ok, to start off, I'll post a link from where I had posted a previous thread about my situation. well it won't let me post links yet, but check out in either Broken hearts, love advice, or as a woman and look for "lost the love of my life due to Low testosterone levels"
I know people both men a women can be stubborn. I've been guilty of this in the past on my ways and also not opening up to talk about issues when they arise. I'm working on this. But the reason I am here is to ask you this. How after my gf gave me so much love all the sudden just walk away and not show anything back to me after I completely open up. Yes, I man have seemed vulnerable and needy while I wrote her the 6 page hand written letter explaining I understand my flaws. She was almost willing to talk with time, but shortly after sent me a letter by mail with only 8 sentences and ended with "please respect my boundaries and don't contact me". I didn't stalk her, text her too much, or try to call. I tried to give the space and only sent her one letter prior to her letter.
She said before, "I'm not ready to talk", but then later just changes her mind and pushes me away. Might I add I was slightly suicidal and she knew this thru my friends, and then added to it with that short and to the point letter. My thoughts were not for attention by any means, I was really thinking about doing some harm to myself. That moment has came and gone, so please don't worry. But I couldn't have just sat back and seen her in the same situation. I've never been hurt so bad before, and turns out my health situation contributed to the way I handled things also.
Since she asked for no contact I sent one text explaining that I went back to a clinic to check my testosterone levels to find out they were less than half of what a person my age should be. She knew I had this issue before, but didn't know it had worsen over time. I can now relate that most my flaws were contributed, or multiplied, many times due to low testosterone. I was told by her best friend that she read the letter, but never heard anything back. It's been a month after this 3 year relationship and I have no idea how she is, what she's thinking, or anything. In the mean time I'm working on myself as a person should do, fixing my low T problem, and even joining groups to get out and do more with other singles, or people in general. I'm joining dance classes, playing piano more than ever, and even picked up my old trumpet for the fun of it. I'm trying my best to distract myself in so many places, but that doesn't change the fact I dream and wake up thinking about her every morning. I've almost sent GM out of habit to her a couple of times. I treated her as a gentleman should, bought her things even though she never asked for anything, carried her places that she wouldn't have seen for many years to come. Simple fact is I wasn't myself mentally due to a hormonal imbalance that hit its climax while we were dating. It caused me to lose focus on multiple things at one time. I felt overwhelmed and pushed her away while focusing on other things.
Anyways, I just wonder when the positive out did the negative, and the negative is fixable, why wouldn't she reach out somewhat to me? How was the door not only shut, but locked in the process? I envy the unknowing as most people might. It drives me crazy. I don't expect her to come running back to me, but might reach out and talk. She needs time, yes I know. Time will only tell, I know. But in the mean time I cant help from trying to figure out the unknowing. Its just my nature to do so. In my line of work, I have problems everyday. Not only do I fix the issue, I find out what caused the issue and fix that also. Well, here she is once loved me so much, been given an issue about myself that she knew about already and can see that it contributed to the relationship majorly, yet continue to just move on. Might she either have never fully loved me though I seen that she did, or is she fixed on not believing what I've shown her and going on with the idea that I was who I was, and never will change. I've already made many changes in the past month, and they have only just began. I'd like to think I could better myself for not only me, but another amazing woman I could someday have. But no matter what, It's hard to imagine doing this all over with another woman when I still have feeling for my ex.
Girls, women, why are ya'll so stubborn? lol. She was exactly what I looked for in a woman, and she showed me that I was the same for her. Then one day it was over, just like that without a warning brought up to my attention. Grrr...
"I didn’t need you to fix me. I needed you to love me while I fix myself."
— Michelle K., Fixing Myself.
