Need some serious advice and insight please!

Hi everyone, this question is for the ladies mostly. Unless any men here have experience with a similar situation from the other (mine) side of it.

Here we go:

I was dating this woman (lets call her B) for a year and a half. It was magical, and neither of us had any doubt that we were each other's soulmate/the person to be with forever. Unfortunately, we let our careers come between us and split us up. It was a serious mistake, both of us realize it, though both of us find ourselves further ahead in our lives (and while we still believe that we are IT for each other) and with different people. When we hang out, we always talk about how much we miss each other etc etc, and how great it would be, and I can't really go into all the details as to why, but we are unable to be together mainly because of our careers. In anycase, we had a little slip up last week. Her boyfriend was gone, and my girlfriend was gone, and we spent the night together. It was nice. And the thought of us being together again was even more dominant.

But there's a problem now, and it's this:

When we were together before, as far as sex goes...I was the damn king of the jungle for her. I mean, she loved everything I did, and it was the best she ever had etc etc. Because I've got a competetive side, and that satisfied it, it binded me to her in an extreme sense.

Anyway, apparently the new guy is good as well. And, on top of being good, he's massive. We had a talk about it today where I made her be 100% honest with me (not smart, I knew at the time, but it was killing me). Her: "Well, first off, he's HUGE. So while the first week was a bit uncomfortable, now I like it" "other than that, he's just different" etc etc etc. But when it comes down to it, just speaking about sex, she'd prefer him over me.

Now I know she's not mine anymore, and I have no logical realistic reason for feeling like this; but it hit me like a ton of bricks. And now, I'm having trouble thinking of getting back together with her (which we were talking about) and being happy for the rest of my life having to deal with the thought that I can't live up to the old boyfriend's performance. Which kinda sucks, because I'm more than willing to work my ass off to out perform him, but if he's rolling the elephant trunk, there's not much I can do. I mean, I'm slightly above average myself, but not as big as this guy, apparently. Goddamned genetics.

Anyway, it's all kinda messing me up in the head, and I love her so goddamned much that I don't wanna abolish the idea of being with her just because of a stupid insecurity. I don't suppose any women here can give me any insight into how women think about this, how much it means, stories of personal experiences, what can be done...or anything else!!

Thanks so much.

D

wow! if you want to be with her, you're going to have to work hard and not think about the other guy.

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Originally Posted by artyemi

wow! if you want to be with her, you're going to have to work hard and not think about the other guy.

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Seems simple enough. But not quite realistic from a mental point of view.

Goddamned male ego and the need to feel able.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Klevis69

When we hang out, we always talk about how much we miss each other etc etc, and how great it would be, and I can't really go into all the details as to why, but we are unable to be together mainly because of our careers.

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Are you guys Mr. and Mrs. Smith?!

And seriously - what's up with all these insecurity posts lately!?

I don't get it though. You two aren't even married to your bf/gf. If you really want to be together, what's the holdup?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by artyemi

I don't get it though. You two aren't even married to your bf/gf. If you really want to be together, what's the holdup?

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Well, now the damn hold up is that I won't be able to please her as much as this other guy. And I know confidence is sexy, so I'm trying my best to seem like it's no big deal to me and I know I'll do fine with her anyway, but it's just an act.

Get over it.

OK. Guys what is up you all feeling the need to ask about performance comparisons. If you ask us to be honest, we WILL BE HONEST. I would not sweat it too much. As long as you were not bad in bed it should not worry you(depending on the woman at least) If you LOVE eachother, it should be more about the emotional connection and not the physical one. As long as you both come out satisfied, who really cares how your past experiences were. WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ASK THOSE THINGS????? In a way, it is your own fault for causing those insecurities.

I've had sex with a guy who was very well endowed and the guy I had sex following him was not nearly as big. Does it mean that I didn't enjoy sex with this past guy? No.......I enjoyed it alot! All Guys are different in bed.....and so far I can't complain. I liked the sex for different reasons. Now even though I had multiples with the guy who was VERY big does not mean I will constantly compare. I mean yeah it was very very very nice! But it doesn't mean that I'm constantly missing his huge dick.

He had alot of other issues where we didn't connect that well....

Now this last guy..I felt the connection. He was also good with his tongue and knew exactly how to touch a woman.(and not just below the belt). So what the guy with the huge dick lacked....I found qualities I liked in the other guy.

You two are not married.....if you really feel you want to be together....do it. Doesn't mean that she will always be thinking of sex with this other guy just cuz hes really big compared to you. You just have to think up other ways to make up for your "shortcomings" and there are plenty of ways ;)

haha she admited that she prefers him over you....and your dumbass is here trying to win her over...even AFTER she told you that...? lol

You are an idiot for sticking your nose in that pile of information shit.

Now you get to deal with it.

I actually had an ex with a similar issue, we were together for 3 years and we really loved each other and thought we'd probably end up marrying each other....so after the break up it was very hard for us to let go...I broke it off because i wanted to focus on school. He tried for up to a year after we broke up to get back with me...but i had already moved on. I din tell him about the new guy because he had a very bad temper and I din want him to over react anyway....He was really insecure so when he found out about teh other guy his first reaction was...have u guys had sex? and then he became really insecure and all of a sudden he said he wasn't sure he coudl get back w/ me....this was good news for me cuz i really din wanna get back with him...but i thought it was really immature of him. Personally the size of sumones **** really doesn't affect the kind of sex we have...if i love sumone and we connect then sex becomes a lot more enjoyable...

It's just interesting, because, while so many women say "size doesn't matter" when asked, her words were "well, first(!) of all...blha blah blah"

But seriously ladies. While I'm sure that each guy is different, in the end, I think most people can say which of the different things they prefer. And, if that is not you, even though it's only sex, and every other facet is unbelievable, it's still a little rough.

Maybe just 'get over it' is the way to go. I guess just for many men it's important to know that you can please your woman ( or at least me ), and the thought that someone else does it better because of something you don't have anything to do with...irritating.

Well dude what else CAN you do BUT get over it? If you're that hung up over it go buy a penis pump.

If you know how to set the mood right, and know to kiss a little here, touch a little there, and really can stimulate not just her body but her mind too - it's going to be better than just some big elephant trunk up her. Chances are that this guy probably relies on the size of his package to carry him through sex, so he probably doesn't do much for stimulating the mind before/during sex you know? So you could win there.

If he does though.. then well you're screwed and should get a penis pump ;p

What exactly is considered 'huge' to a woman? Is it anything over the average, or something else?

As for the thread question, get over it. Theres a so many more women out there to fvck. And if your so insecure about your dick, take some pills.