HELP ! could use some male insight

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20-09-14, 01:22 AM
SOUL SISSSSTA

HELP ! could use some male insight

Hello All, Need some advice .. AsAp ;)
Last year my mom and her friend wanted to play matchmaker so they set me up with her son
my mom said he was really shy but we started chatting online last year .. talked a lot and got to know each other but never ended up meeting up and he went back home (he doesn't live in my state but comes to visit in the summers and plans to eventually move here)

So during the year he kept in touch and told me he was coming in the summer but I didn't think anything of it.
Summer came and he writes me that he just arrived and really wants to meet and so we did
Right off the bat we felt comfortable and the chemistry was great.
Over the next two months which is exactly how long he was in town we spent almost every other day together and he constantly texted daily in between our dates.. never keeping me guessing and was totally transparent about his daily activities and offered this information by himself so I sort of felt like this was more than just casually hanging out. We went on several dates, He has a house that he was renovating in my town and he would constantly show me the progress and update me on how much he was getting done.

We cooked together a lot went out all the time and it was super fun. We were together until his last night and the next day when he came to say goodbye before his flight it hardly feel over to me.
Everything felt so natural and totally mutual - I didn't even consider for a second the fact that he was only in town for a few months and needed to return to finish his degree - figured we would cross the bridge when we got there and figure it out if it goes well .. at one point he even tried to transfer his last year of college here by meeting up with a school to see if his credits would transfer but it didn't work out. We didnt have the exclusivity talk but the night before he left I did hint something - I said something like "what now" and he said he has no choice and has to go back and finish his degree. So I said to him "well I'm glad we didn't meet last year then it would've been pointless, maybe it was pointless now too" he replied that I shouldn't talk like that & that everything happens for a reason, and we dont know why fate decided to bring us together now. In retrospect I should have just been honest about what I was thinking but I didnt want to put any pressure on. There were 0 games and his intentions seemed 100% serious - he came to my house alot felt comfortable meeting family, talked about how he wants to move here (to my hometown) and how he is getting his house in order because of that .. and was constantly keeping me informed about how his house is coming along and asking my opinion, paid such attention to details things I mentioned. he only texted in between our dates but he said he didn't like talking on the phone, and I didnt mind it since we were always meeting up every other day during the day / evening.

when he got back he texted regularly & we kept talking via text and about after two weeks I realized I had been emotionally invested and wanted to know where we stand (I needed clarity) So I told him that I enjoyed the time we spent together and that something between us felt real and I just wanted to know if it was mutual. He replied that he enjoyed all of it too and he was glad we met in person. So of course that frustrated me - there is no direction in that whatsoever - At that point I was annoyed with all the texting so I kindly asked him to call me because I wanted to hear his voice. Let the drama begin - So this is about where he lost his balls apparently and so conveniently he gave me a stupid excuse about cell phone service bla bla
I was so pissed - like honestly grow up and call its not like we can meet up, if your not into a mature adult relationship then Move On !!

So I was super hurt and pissed and at that point said **** him if he wants he can call Im not answering any more of his childish texts ..
Of course an hour later he sends me a link to a video we both liked and asked if I liked it - then the following day he asked me as if nothing happened his usual text asking how my day was?
and another text the following day - all three texts went unanswered. I know we weren't together for a long time but we hit it off right off the bat and spent the entire two months together. I didnt get any vibes from him that he was afraid of commitment at all, on days I had off from work - we spent the entire day together cooking watching movies it was so much fun ..

Was I wrong for ignoring him ? I really do miss him but I was super hurt by his response
Thanks for listening ;) Any advice welcome
20-09-14, 08:05 AM
ShoeGazer

Hi there. :) This is my first reply on this website (I just registered). Hopefully, I can provide some advice that will be helpful to you.

It sounds like right now his main priority is finishing school and getting his degree...which is totally understandable. I am sure he has worked really hard to get to this point and just wants to finish this chapter in his life.

With that being said, it doesn't mean you should have to wait around and settle if you feel you he is not reciprocating your feelings. If you feel you are making more effort into pursing a relationship with him then maybe it's time to reconsider whether or not he is someone that is worth your time.

Maybe taking some time from him is a good idea. It sounds like he is more interested in a friendship right now than anything else. If that is something you think you can give, then by all means keep in contact with him. However, if you find yourself unable to keep things platonic then you should probably distance yourself. Continuing communication with someone that doesn't feel the way you do only leads to more hurt down the line because your expectations will differ greatly from his.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I've been through similar situations and it is definitely not easy.
20-09-14, 05:44 PM
Wakeup

I'll just repeat what I told you in your duplicate thread:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Did you have sex?

You two are not exclusive and if you wanted exclusivity they you should have asked for it instead of accepting "hints" or giving "hints" about it. Doing what you did is playing games instead of using direct communication.

He's in school. He's not ready to be in anything more committed with you then what you had (whatever that was).
Now, instead of communicating to him that you were not going to respond to any more superficial texting, you just go silent on him... more game playing.

Why don't you learn to ask for what you want and then if he's not willing to give it then at least you'll know from the source whether or not you're valued?

Now.. you're stewing over what you've decided to do and he has no idea why you're in radio silence. Silliness all around.

Do keep in mind that, as DarkShire has pointed out, he is being practical about not committing to someone who is long distance who he has only known for a few months.