How i Got over the relationshIp after thinking i never would
He had been gone for 3 months But i neever accepted it until i found out he was with someone else
One day i was sick a nd tired and i wrote a letter to him that i never sent, for what? not like he cared aboout me anymore but this is what i Said:
You know yesterday I hated you.
I hated you because I was trying to turn all the love I ever felt for you into hate.
I hated you like I have never hated anyone in this world, Thinking about everything You have done to me.
Today It was just me and this treadmil, this blank Wall and this door made of Wood with glass Windows on it in form of a rectangle.
And I thought about my mom, about those times when I used to go run with her at 5 Am before i would go to school, it was very dark, and everytime i felt I couldnt go anymore she would say You can do this keep going..
I was very Young, I was about 14-16 years old when i would do that And i never forgot.
Then I think about my life, the people who has been on it, the people who have helped me, people who are worth remembering even if I dont see them or talk about them or to them.
Then Theres you...
A few weeks Ago I wouldve forgiven you anything, Because i always thought u were worth fighting for no matter how much it hurted, a few weeks ago if you would've come with An I'm sorry, I would've forgiven you, I would've said It's okay I love you And I'll take all the Bs and forgive you because All i ever wanted was to be with you.
I haven't spoken to you In days, I needed you those days and you haven't been there for me, I whispered your name every night, I even said God if you exist please bring him back to me and I can't promise you that i will believe in you But i can promise you that I will do better actions and help people more.
And then it's me and the treadmil And all this days without you have made me realize that you don't deserve my hate, You don't deserve it because hating you means thinking about you, Hating you means caring too much about you, Hating you means that I'm still not over you and I have negative thoughts and feelings in My body. Hating you means I still miss you and I'm mad because you are gone.
I woke up this morning And you were the first thing on my mind, then i thought to myself when is this ever going to stop?
I have hope that one day i will be able to turn my feelings into indiference.
You were the best chapter in my life untill now, but You wont be the best one of my book because you simply didn't want to be In it.
And i think about my mom and the actions shes done, I think about how much she has hurted me and how much I have hurted her, but everytime I call her she is there for me.
Love is not about not making mistakes, love is not about being perfect because If i have learned something is that people is imperfect, we make mistakes, we will always hurt eachother in some way, and i Never asked you for any of that, All i wanted was for you to see who i really was, To see how messy i could be and Know me entirely And still love me and be there for me.
One day I'm going to forgive you, one day I won't love you, and i think that the main reason i hated you so much yesterday was because i missed you, and I have hope that one day I will stop hating you, One day you won't be my first thought every morning And one day You will realize how much you have lost because, I don't think you will find someone like me. I hope you don't regret your decisions in life, Because its too late, Its too late to say I'm sorry And its too late for everything we could have been.
