What does "taking a break" really mean? Can I get her back?
I'm really hoping I could get some advice on how to handle breaking up with my ex. When she broke up with me she said its not totally over and instead she called it a break so i’m really at a loss as to how to handle this. Ive stopped calling and texting her entirely in the hope that she will start to miss me and any negative things she associates with our relationship will fade, but I feel stuck not knowing if she even wants me back and if I should just move on.
We both live on the same college campus and we have classes in the same building so I still see her pretty much every day. We had been together for about 4-5 months and we had both never loved anyone like we did each other (I am 25 and she is 21). There were occasional arguments, usually because of her insecurities and her paranoia about me cheating on her even though I never once gave her a reason to think I was or would ever cheat but overall we made each other really happy and had a great relationship.
She also struggles with depression and it has caused her to be somewhat distant in the past but she always told me my presence helped her feel better. In any case about 3-4 weeks ago out of nowhere she just stopped talking to me for about 2-3 days and when we finally did speak she told me it was because she was feeling depressed. I got a bit angry because I was hurt that she didn’t care enough to talk to me when we had never even gone 24 hours without talking before, but we ultimately apologized to each other and resolved it. Then the next day she told me she thought we should take a break, and that she wasn’t saying it was over but she that was going through a lot and she felt numb due to her depression so she couldn’t feel anything for me or anyone or anything else (I know this is at least partly true given she even started ignoring her twin brother's texts and calls and he is her best friend in the world).
After a few days she told me she missed me and she wanted to work things out, but she didn’t want to jump back into a relationship, wanted to take things slow and she just didn’t know if we ever would get back together, after a week of this things fell apart (possibly due to her depression) and she started getting distant and not wanting to spend time together so we talked and she told me she didn’t respond to my texts because didn’t know what to say to me and that she didn't want to go as far as to say it was over but that she needed to take a break.
So that day is when I started the "no contact' period (about 2 weeks ago now) which means Ive stopped texting or calling her entirely, but I do run into her every one or two days which is inevitable so I just try to act as casual as possible and while I try to be friendly I do my best to spend as little time around her as is possible. This is a big change as since this all started I had been texting and calling her to a point that i’m sure was I was just making things worse and at the beginning overtly trying to convince her to stay with me. So the only contact we have at this point are short and casual conversations when we run into each other every one or two days.
Lately i’ve been noticing small things that give me hope that she still cares about me, for example my roommate has casually run into her and twice in three days she has asked about me and how i'm doing, as well as always asking me when I see her. Also whenever she sees me she calls me by her pet name for me and gets me to walk over and talk to her, and when I walk away from her after talking for a moment i’ve been picking up subtle cues that she wants me to stay but she wont directly say so. These are just a few things i’ve noticed and while I can’t say with any certainty that I know what all this means, at least it tells me that she still thinks about me however she isn’t very communicative with her feelings so I have no idea what she’s been thinking and i’ve been really trying not to ask.
So i’m going to keep up the no contact thing but aside from that I don’t really know what else to do. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, I’m working on getting a job and doing other things to improve my life but I feel like i’m stuck in a sort of limbo. The hardest part of this is not knowing what she’s thinking and since she hasn’t wanted to say that its over I can’t get myself to stop obsessing about her and what I can do to get her back and I also can’t get myself to move on knowing that theres a chance she might want to get back together. Moreover, since i’m using the no contact thing I think any discussion of our relationship would be counterproductive if i want her to give me another chance. I just feel like i’m stuck with these painful obsessive thoughts and won’t be able to move on unless I ask her if she’s still considering getting back together or if its just over, but again I don’t feel like I can do that without hurting my chances of getting her back.*
If anyone has any advice for me as far as what she might be thinking, what I can do to get her back or what I should do moving forward I would really really appreciate it.
