So I have been seeing a guy for 7months. We have been having a great time, staying with each other at weekends, taking trips away, going to his family weddings and introducing each other to friends and family.
We tell each other we love each other, we are each other's soulmate and that marriage is something we could see us doing, we have even spoken about this to his friends.
However the other night my friend sent me images of his tinder and pof profiles. I was with him when this happened and immediately confronted him. To which he revealed that despite being 30 I was his first girlfriend, the person who took his virginity. He said that he set them up the night previously, after leaving my house as he got scared. He was scared that as a man of 30 he feels this way after 7months with me, as in could marry me and he's never been with another girl, so needed an ego boost. We spent from 11pm to 9pm the following evening in each other company, both of us crying, calling in sick off work and talking it out.
He deleted both accounts when I told him to. He promised me he'd never do it again. That I was his love and that he wants to build a life with me. He cried, he seemed so genuine.
I was ready to walk out. I accept his explanation not that I totally understand them. I love him and do feel that you fix a problem before you throw something like this away. However I am left feeling very insecure, under threat from virtual woman. I don't want to be in competition with a computer screen. I feel hurt, let down and disappointed at him. I do love him, I want to believe him when he says he'll never do it again. He was devastated when I tried to walk out.
I suppose I'm left doubtful. Should I let him go and let him play the field. If I was the right woman for him would he do this? No. If I was giving him what he needed would he do this I think not. I feel guilty and feel like it's my fault. I also feel weak for taking him back. Also why introduce me to family and friends, book holidays as far a a year in advance if you are going to cheat? Why promise me the stars and say and do the things we have done and then start two profiles up?
Things are normal between us. I'm brave facing it. I worry because I am his first girlfriend maybe he doesn't want to break it off... Or doesn't know how to.
I have given him the option of seeing other women and staying friends. Taking a break so he can do this, or being less serious, trying to understand his need. I told him that what he wants we will do, that is continue the way we are or break it off. He however cried and said he wants me in his future.
Bottom line I feel rubbish. Unsure. But surprisingly not mad at him, in love and forgave him like nothing happened.
Suppose an objective view might help. Or advice on what to do next x