I just need to write this. And maybe get some advice. Opinions. Similar stories. I don't know. I need to write.
I've been seeing a man for 7 weeks. Our first date lasted 15 hours. We slept together. Each additional date was as long. In the last 2-3 weeks I've practically been living at his place. I've met most of his friends. His ex wife knows about me. His two kids spend a lot of time with us and love me and vise versa. I told him on date 1 I couldn't handle him seeing or sleeping with anyone else. He agreed.
His past. It's a little checkered. Can't get into it all here but he was in 3 long term relationships where he says he didn't cheat PHYSICALLY. emotionally, digitally, yes. Divorced once. Another marriage annuled. Between long term relationships he's dated A LOT of women. A lot of ****ing gorgeous women. Models. Actresses. A lot.
I am cute. Don't get me wrong. I'm attractive. In a school girl Snow White kinda way. Id make an excellent wife. A great mother. I am in no way similar to the slew of his recent women. He's made comments on how much he loves my tiny waist. Which you'd think
Is a compliment but it makes me
Worried he won't love me if it
Gets bigger. And I'm at a thinner point in my life. I'm becoming paranoid to eat. But that's my crazy not his right?
He is near professing love. He talks about the future. He tells me he adores me and how beautiful I am every day. It really seems sincere. He is one of the kindness sweetest men I've ever met. He treats me like a princess.
But I still can't shake the fact I'm afraid he loves me because of timing. Because I'm kind. Because I'm great w kids. But I can't help be worried he's gonna eventually find someone who looks more like his "ideal". I've mostly said this to him. And he assures me all the past women were gross swallow women who all ran together and I'm
Special etc.
I've been seriously lied to and cheated on in the past. Am I just paranoid because of MY issues? Or are they gut instincts that I should be listening to? It's really hard to tell the difference. But I don't wanna be a cold closed off human. He seems special. I want this to work.
There are other silly issues: he's a bit of a mess. More than a bit. I couldn't live in his current apt. He's on his phone and social media A LOT and I get paranoid. Kids are sweet but certainly add a lot of issues to a relationship. He's a social media junkie and has put up no pictures of us. Could this be because we haven't discussed that? Or is that a red flag? I am positive his close friends know about me. I've met them. Also, he's a serious outgoing flirt. He knows this has sabatoged past relationships but it's who he is and he swears on a bible he's never cheated on a partner. But it makes me Insecure anyway. But I don't wanna be a crazy girl. I like that he's outgoing and makes friends with everybody. Everybody. I can't say, "be nice to ugly old people only".
Anyway. This relationship is moving fast. And I'm not 20. And I want kids. So I'm ok and happy with that. But I havent been able to return his near professions of love. I think I'm too afraid I'm gonna totally give in and he's gonna disappear and I'll lose it.
When were together, I'm
Happy and calm. As soon as I'm away, I'm a nervous wreck. He's done nothing to make me feel this way. And I've asked him a million times if he's got any sort of female situations going on, flirtatious, anything. And he swears no. He'd have to be satan to be lying. Or the best liar on the planet. But still, I have an uneasy feeling.
This is the longest post ever. So thank you if you've actually read it all. PS, if it matters, he's 36. Im 33. Should I just let go of my past, stop
Looking at his social media, trust him, let go and enjoy the ride? And if I get hurt, so be it? Maybe my hesitations are my own baggage and not "women's intuition"?
I want this to work. I think he might be a serious catch. I don't wanna **** it up. But I'm paranoid he'll cheat. I'm paranoid I'm not enough, physically.
He's begged me to be open and honest and I am but I don't wanna be that "crazy" girl. He said "I'm falling in love with you" tonight and I couldn't respond. Not because I'm not falling for him...but I just couldn't say anything.
What to do.