I think I am in love with my friend and need advice.....sorry kinda long

My friend ,let's call her L, is a former co-worker. We both were managers at our workplace. At first when I met her I wasn't necessarily into her at all. It took a few months before we became friends. Then after that we started hanging out with a group of other co-workers on a regular basis. After we became more comfortable with each other she started showings signs that she might like me. When we would be in a group with others we would always stare only at each other it seemed. No little touches or anything but there were a lot of little things that I thought might've been construed as flirting. Then again I dunno.

Ok let me give you some back story on where I am. I was engaged when I was 22. I was with this girl for 3 years. I thought that she was the love of my life. I thought I had my shit together and was a huge romantic up until she left me. During our whole relationship she cheated on me 3 times that I knew of. All of them prior to a big change for the both us.

But yea she left me and that was about 7 years ago. Sine then I haven't been the same. I graduated with a degree in marketing that I don't think I'll ever use. I work menial jobs where I don't have to think and have closed my self off to relationships. I haven't had a romantic relationship in 4 years.

Anyways. So there's that.

So L and I continued to hang out. Sometimes she would talk to me about boys and I would listen. Then a new hire came along and they started dating. It was a brief time that they dated maybe a few months. One night we were all out and I got really drunk and at the time I didn't know why. I didn't do anything bad towards them but I got so drunk that I decided to disappear on them and roam the streets.

After that incident she pulled me aside at worked and asked if anything was wrong and if I liked her. I made up something to the extent of that I was going through some things and that I didn't like her. Things then got weird. She stopped talking to me and I found out later that she thought that I was mad at her.

Then L and the guy she was with broke up. Things between us started to get better at work. Proceeding that we started to hang out again. We patched things up and now we are here.

I recently decided to leave my job where we worked together. It was very sad because I felt like I had contributed in creating a very close work family. I have also realized that after not working there for two weeks that I miss L more than anyone. I can't stop thinking about. We do still hang out quite frequently but it's not the same as seeing someone almost every single day.

Like I said it's been a long time since I've felt or been in any romantic relationship, so it's very confusing right now. I think that I have fallen in love with L. She brightens up when she sees me as well as I do when I see her. I've started to notice those little moments when we are hanging out that she might like me. But I am not sure. The gazes that we have with each other are different. More focused or something else I guess. The relationship we have is something special I recognize that is very similar to my best relationship I have had. Which is to say we both share similar interests and have had things happened to us that we can relate to very personally. We get along like we have known each other our whole lives. We make each other laugh genuinely and can almost read each other's thoughts sometimes in certain situations. I can feel something is going on between us but I don't have the guts to tell her how I feel. I also have a feeling that she might now how I feel about her. But then again I am clueless.

I know I should just tell because we are adults but we are also friends. I don't want to muck things up. At the same time though occasionally she says that she doesn't want a relationship now but then is like very adamant that she wants one. I am confused on what I should do because I haven't felt this way in a VERY long time. Is this infatuation or lust? I feel that it isn't but maybe I am just convincing my self otherwise. I don't think about her to the extent that I believe would categorize infatuation . I want to know more about her, go to places that I would know we both would love to be while holding her hand and things like that.

TL;DR been good friends with a girl for awhile but now have feelings for her after not being in a relationship for 4 yrs. Help!

I feel like you guys should go out for coffee or lunch or something and talk about it. Communication is key- in any relationship, and I feel like this is kind of an important thing for you to talk about with her. The more you wait, the more dire your feelings could get- which would make a future conversation even more awkward. If you lay out everything on the table, talk about it seriously like adults, you could have a good, way-less awkward conversation. Good luck.

Thanks for that advice. I know I need to talk her about it but I am afraid. Its been a very long time since I have felt anything like this at all. I feel like she doesn't like me the way that I like her so the conversation will be tough. I want to keep the friendship in tact but i feel like this will make it weird. It will also impact the relationship I have with our mutual friend. We kinda all hang out. I don't think my other friend with be jealous or anything I just feel she might lean towards L's and my silly feelings will break up our group. Should I maybe talk to L and I's friend about this before talking to L? She might have better insight on the situation. And any other advice in general?