What does this behaviour mean?

Hi everyone.

A few months ago I met a guy from online dating. We had three fun dates (nothing physical) but then he disappeared, I didn't hear from him. I have been online dating long enough to know what a fade looks like but I didn't want to end with animosity so I emailed him to say that it's clear his feelings/circumstances have changed but I just wanted to say thanks for the lovely dates and if he ever wanted to do <mutual hobby> when I returned from 2 months overseas then we could.
He replied that he didn't know what he wanted but that he thought he didn't want a LTR but he knew I did and didn't want to mess me around. To me that sounds like something I'd say to let someone down gently so I just took it as him not being attracted to me. He said I was fun and he'd be keen to keep hanging out if I was ok with being friends. I was like ok sure, see you in a few months - with no intention really of picking it up again.

To my astonishment, three weeks later I get an email, asking how I am, where I'm at etc. We email for a few days and he adds me on Facebook but I realise I really like this guy romantically and decide to not reply to his latest email so as to not seem overly enthusiastic. Three days later, sms from him, how am I going? He brings up online dating and jokes that I changed my profile whilst on holidays. We say goodnight.

This feels like too much interest from him for someone that wanted to be friends, but can someone please just temper my hopes a bit because I feel like I'm setting myself up for major disappointment if I start thinking he might have changed his mind...?

Regardless I am going to keep my distance a bit and allow him to suggest meeting up again when I return, because I feel too much like I'm the one with something to lose....

If I were in your shoes, I'd ask him about his apparent change of mind. No sense wondering what's going on when you could just ask him about his change in attitude.

When he says he wants to "be friends" its his way of saying that he wants to be Friends With Benefits and since you were so keen to be said "friend" he's following up to see when you'll be available for such endevours.

You best make it clear that if he doesn't want a relationship then you don't want to be a booty call either. If you think you're silly enough to be "falling for him" after two dates then you best just tell him the two of you don't want the same things and then don't bother with him anymore.

Men DO NOT go on dating sites to find platonic friends so don't be naïve or foolish in how you handle him.

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Btw: There is nothing to indicate that he's changed his mind just because he's contacting you. Men who tell you they don't want to be in a LTR are telling you that they'll fvck you but don't expect exclusivity or a relationship of any substance. Two dates has NOT changed his mind.

Be realistic in your online dating or you will get shredded. Don't have anything to do with men that have been half-assed honest in telling you that they're not interested in anything romantically serious with you.. and silently thank them for telling you BEFORE they bed you.

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I say "two" dates because you can't call the first MEET an actual "date."

I appreciate your input even though your tone was somewhat aggressive, but I must disagree that he is just interested in trying to get me into bed.
He's the ONLY man I've met via online dating who has tried absolutely nothing physical, and in fact I assumed the problem was he didn't find me remotely physically attractive but used the "no LTR" thing as an excuse.
If I were in town and he was contacting me, it would make more sense, but he has no reason to make any contact with me right now unless he actually, well, kind of cares or is interested.
He has in fact been the most honest and upfront out of any man I've met online and is the only man who I am certain is not just trying to turn me into a FWB. He is a bit of an anomaly in that way, which is why I totally understand your response - mine would have been similar if it was anyone else.

You can't hear my "tone" so don't take it as being harsh because it's not what you want to hear.

You're naïve and hopeful to the point of losing all common sense.

Like I said... NO man who is on an on-line dating site wants to be platonic friends. If he actually changed his mind about not finding you "relationship material" then he would have made it more clear then a simple email.

Don't forget that he's told you he doesn't want a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP and he did so without hesitation. Don't you think he'd be upfront as well if he actually changed his mind. His contact is to keep himself in your mind since he likely now thinks you're game for non-committed sexual goings on. (no man who is on line dating wants a platonic friendship. 99.9% of the time there is ulterior motives)

Don't lose site of the fact that you don't even know this man long enough for him to have shown you in actions that everything you say about him is his truth. You don't even know him.

Don't let his recent contact get you wishfully thinking yourself into a casual, sexual relationship is basically all I'm advising you.

If what I've been saying isn't "tapering your hopes" with pure logic then basically you're going to find yourself in emotional trouble.

Fair enough.

I don't do casual sexual relationships anyway so if that's what he wants then he's out of luck. I've been clear on that point through conversations but I suppose men are ever hopeful.

(He wasn't on online dating SEEKING platonic friends. I agree that's weird. He wanted a girlfriend and then decided against it, at least a long term one).

Thanks, harsh words are probably what I need anyway.

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Originally Posted by NotApplicable [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Fair enough.

I don't do casual sexual relationships anyway so if that's what he wants then he's out of luck. I've been clear on that point through conversations but I suppose men are ever hopeful

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Then if you continue to see him I suggest you don't have sex with him until he has committed to you, taken down his profile and has agreed to exclusivity. Otherwise you will become a sexual partner that he has while uncommitted. He doesn't want a girlfriend.. at least not just one. ;)

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(He wasn't on online dating SEEKING platonic friends. I agree that's weird. He wanted a girlfriend and then decided against it, at least a long term one).

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I bet he tells that to ALL the girls.

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Thanks, harsh words are probably what I need anyway.

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You're welcome. Me? I'd not be any guys "friend" if what I wanted was more then that. What a waste of time and what a way to stop any motivation to actually getting what I wanted.

Good luck with it and DO listen to exactly what he is saying and not what you want to hear... that goes for him or any guy you meet.