So... I met this guy the day after his baby was born. The baby is from his ex girlfriend ( they had sex after breaking up and she got pregnant ).
I fell in love with him, and he seemed to be in love with me as well the first times we met. After he started to focus a lot on his baby ( something I actually appreciate about him ) and he started to focus on his new job as well.
He told me many times while drunk that he loves me, and then always says to forget whatever he says while drunk. He also always phones me just when drunk asking me to go to his flat for "cuddles".
I think he does like me a lot, he's been really nice with me ( and actually I wasn't ) but he keeps on saying that he can't and doesn't want any relationship as he wants to focus on other things and he does not have time to take care of me. I tried to talk with him, saying that I'm sorry if I wasn't really nice with him at the beginning, that I care about him and that this FWB is stressing me out, but most of all I'm stressed because he phones me just when he's drunk.
I told him I feel like a sex toy, but he insists it's not like that. I believe him in a way, I think I am more than a sex toy but that he doesn't really see me as a potential girlfriend.
So I decided to ignore him for a while and just texted him while drunk. Tonight after many days we ignored each other, he phoned me again while drunk, for wishing me merry xmas. He was away from the city so he did not want to have sex with me, I think he just wanted to talk with me, and that's nice even if it's not that much. Basically I think he has feelings too, but he keeps them away more easily than I do, because he has serious stuff to think about, while I'm basically just coming out from adolescence and I'm looking for someone who takes care of me.
But I don't know what to do. If I ignore him, he phones me anyway asking to go back to his flat when he drinks. If I drink, I do the same.
It seems like we are stuck because at the very beginning we felt something great and then it just went down for the whole wrong scenario. And we are not able to leave these feelings go.
My main problem is that even if I ignore him, I'm sure we are going to meet again, and when it will happen, I will probably wish again to build a kind of serious relationship with him. But probably there's no chance at all.
It feels like it's a drug, I want to see him and he apparently wants to see me as well ( especially while drunk ) but he doesn't want any more responsibilities. What ****s me up the most, is that he's really nice and I can't be angry with him. I like that he honestly says he can't have more than a FWB but at the same time I hate that he's still so nice with me even if he doesn't want anything serious. Basically he doesn't allow me to hate him.
I don't want to delude my self, I am aware he is probably not in love with me even if he says that while drunk, however I do believe he cares about me and I think it's a shame leave him go just because we CANNOT have a relationship.
I mean, what normal people define so.
So what to do?
Anyway from what I wrote it seems like he doesn't give a **** at all compared to me. Of course much stuff has been going on since we met, so I have some reasons to believe he really cares about me but it also annoys me a lot that he phones me just when drunk. I mean, sometimes he writes me when he's sober too but you know what I mean
If I was commenting this post ( like it's written from another person ) I would probably say "This guy probably likes you but he will never see you as something more than a nice girl to have sex/spend some time with. He's into his new life, you've been and you still are a good distraction, but distractions are never taken too much seriously. Go ahead with this friendship until it lasts, if it doesn't hurt you"
the point is... I really want to spend time with him and I can't stay away even if it hurts me a bit. we both want to see each other after all
ps I also think that he probably doesn't take me seriously because I get drunk really often and end up with random guys. I'm living a hard time so that's how I "deal with it". Of course I'm aware is irresponsible and he knows too.so of course now he looks at me like a slut and that's all. i would like to let him understand that if he ever gave me the chance to have smething serious, i would have never acted like a whore.
is there any way to let him believe this? I mean it's true, but more than saying i'm sorry what can I do?
