Girlfriend gone abroad

Hello everyone!

I'm new to this forum so I'm not exactly sure where to put a question like this, anyhow.

I feel the need to reach out and get a broader perspective on my relationship.

To give you the short version:

I met a girl in my home town somewhat three months ago. The first two weeks where just perfect and wonderful. After a month or so, she starts showing signs of fear. She says she's scared of going into a relationship, that its been moving forward to quickly, even though I let her take all of the steps. I took this as something natural, maybe even good. She's a very kind and empathic person and the closeness I feel when I am with her is something I've never experienced before. I was sure from the moment I met her that this girl is something special and that we would be great together.

Anyway, this girl has some serious dad-issues. Which I feel is reflected in her ways of dealing with a relationship. On top of that, she's been moving around a lot. Being forced to leave good friends behind and find new ones. This has made her into a charismatic girl that gets along with almost anyone, but once you get under her skin (as I have done) she is fragile and scared but oh so beautiful.

We live in different cities, about an hour train ride apart, so we've been seeing each other every weekend for the past three months. Every time we meet its always great. We do fun things together and I just feel so alive and happy. The thing is, once I leave her it's like she forgets about me after a day or to. She texts and calls the first day or two, but then she stops. When I've asked her about this behaviour, she explains it by her going into some "defence mode" not to feel miserable that I'm not there. Furthermore, since we started dating she's started to get sleeping problems. Waking up in the middle of the night feeling panic and fear, even when I'm sleeping next to her!

Now.. to my real issue. Two weeks ago she left for a months trip to Africa. She used to live there for a couple of years before and have friends there and so on. Before she left we almost broke up twice. The first time I told her I loved her, and she said she didn't love me. I was of course crushed by this, but after a long talk she explained she couldn't say she loved me if she didn't feel she could spend the rest of her life with me. This gave me second wind and I explained I couldn't promise her that either, at least not after only three months of dating. She also said that she's with me more because I like her, then that she likes me. This was, at first, also something I felt hurt by but after another long talk she explained that she wants to be with me and no one else.

This is where we left off. We promised each other not to sleep with anyone else and to maintain contact as often as we could, that is as often as she could text with her phone or had access to a computer with internet.

Now its been two weeks. Shes texted me twice and wrote to me for 5 minutes on facebook, quickly ending the conversation with and excuse that she had to leave. I want to trust this girl, I really do. She said to me before she left that I should not worry if she does not write to me, but instead be happy if she does. However, today I noticed that she'd logged in to facebook but never wrote me anything.

She is in my head, every day almost constantly and I feel like I'm going insane over this. I just cant stop thinking about her and I want to know if she thinks about me too, but from what I can deduce from her messages she does not miss me one bit. She simply tells me, shortly, about her adventures and how she's having a great time. She didnt even write to me on new years because she was at the beach all night, bathing in the ocean.

I've been holding it all back. Not letting her suspect for one second that I'm feeling so lonely without her, only saying supportive and encouraging things like "sounds fantastic! enjoy it!". I've been trying to stick things like "Im thinking about you :)" into my messages, but she seems to be ignoring those kind of things.

I guess I just want help here.. She said she would let me know if she'd slept with someone else, but on the other hand I hardly think she would tell me now, she would wait until we meet when she gets back and tell me then, face to face. And this is just making me go more insane.



Sorry for the long post.. and if anyone out there can give me some kind of perspective on this.. please do. If there is anything else you want to know in order to help me with my love issues, just ask.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
A 26 year old guy from Sweden