Help needed, dealing with his sister and jealousy issues
Ok, here goes...
I have been with my boyfriend for about 9-10 months and we have been living together since July.
He has a relatively small family circle by comparison to mine. His mum sadly passed away 2 years ago and he isn't particularly close to his dad,
He has an older sister who lives close by who has two children of her own.
When I first met his sister I felt that we got on well and I recall him saying that of all the relationships he'd ever had I was the first girl she had liked and got on with.
After I moved in a few things cropped up that I wasn't particularly happy about with regards to her having a key to his house - she once let herself in when we were in the middle of an argument for example and has always been able to come and go as she pleases when he isn't in if for example she wanted to collect something.
He once mentioned she had been upstairs and commented on the mess of the bedroom.
I raised these points but I was quickly shot down and reminded that it is difficult for her given that it was her mums house previously - which I tried to be understanding about. We agreed that in future she would knock first.
Fast forward a month or two and we had another row which resulted in my leaving for the night to stay at my mum and dads. The next morning I came home to find she had been over and helped him pack up all of my clothes and belongings. A week later he is asking me to come back and saying he was wrong to let her take control but that she was doing it to protect him as in the past an ex made an allegation against him that nearly cost him his job
Since then she has asked him not to let me be around her kids when we are volatile together and has not invited me to any family get togethers. A huge row was caused on xmas eve when he decided to spend christmas & boxing day without seeing me at all. A week later once again he wanted me back.
I have tried to explain to him that I am not jealous of her but that I feel that I will never be as important to him as her as in my eyes she relies on him very heavily to do odd jobs around the house, fix her car, babysit etc.
Maybe I wouldn't be so bothered about the time he does spend if I didn't think that she would be in his ear about us so much but even he has said that she 'hates my guts'.
It was also never an issue before when I was involved in things to but I feel like this will be an ongoing issue and im not sure I want to be involved in it.
I love and care about my boyfriend but I'm at a loss as to what to do with regards to this situation as he sees it as me being jealous of his sister, and not having good family values in that I dont want him helping her out - which is not the case at all.
Any thoughts or suggestions?