My knowledge of "love"

There is not a day that goes by when I ask myself when is it my turn? I sit in bed at night thinking of all my friends being with someone and I'm not. The fact is is that I'm jealous. I'm jealous of every person I know who is in some sort of relationships, from one night stands/flings to being married. because no matter what, they are gonna have someone there at night. I don't. Every night I come home, and lay down in my bed alone, with no one talk to you. I can't help but feel that I'll never get that. It's not that I have any standards of who I want to be with. It's just those I'm attracted to and eventually become to like are impossible for me to ever be with. They are either in some relationship or just will never see me as someone they can be with. It doesn't help I've only dated a girl for a max of three months. Just proves that maybe I'm not cut out to find the one. See no one understands what I mean and what I go through because they have felt love from another person. Sure I've said "I love you" but I'll be honest, I never truly meant it. 3 months isn't enough time to truly know if you love someone. I don't know what love is, and until I know, I can't honestly say I think I'll ever be married, have kids, have a family. That's just how it is, and truly there is nothing to be done about it. Could I learn love and eventually get married? Sure. Do I believe it will happen? I don't know. People have tried to talk be out of these ideas, but that's because they don't know how I feel. They say they do but they don't. I guess no one knows because no one has taken the time to truly listen to my problems and try and understanding my point of view. But let's be honest, none of my friends or family members will ever be able to see my point of view and understand it.

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