Why am I constantly getting teased and rejected?
Hey there, I'm a 21 year old male and I've been struggling with this for a while. First of all, I was in a long term relationship for almost two years, and have now been single for nearly half a year. The relationship ended badly, and my ex is now currently dating someone who was my best friend and room mate... needless to say it took a toll on my self esteem. Regardless I feel I've made a lot of progress and I'm ready to start seeing new people. The problem is, girls ALWAYS lead me on and reject me, like some kind of joke.
I'm not kidding, it KEEPS happening. Girls will flirt with me, make out with me, even straight up TELL ME they want to have sex with me. Next thing I know, they're not answering texts or they're acting like there was nothing between us at all. I can't understand it.
Most recently I met a girl at a music show who gave me her number. We were texting for a while to organize a date, and when we finally decided on a day, she stopped texting me before we could figure out a time and place. I decided not to take it personally. A week or so later I bumped into her at another show, and she seemed just as interested in meeting up as she did before. She told me that she had recently moved across the country and that her phone had no service, which would explain why she stopped texting me. She added me on facebook, and I messaged her about a date. Once again, no response.
Another time I was at a party and really hitting it off with a girl. She was so funny and witty, one of those few people you meet who you feel comfortable being yourself around. We were talking and flirting and then, out of nowhere she literally said to me, "I'm going to make this awkward. I have a tendency to destroy myself and the people around me." I honestly thought it was a joke, so I kept talking to her. Slowly she began to ignore me and by the end of the night she was avoiding eye contact and left without saying goodbye.
There was another girl I was hanging out with during the summer who fascinated me. She was very free-spirited and laid back, and we went to a lot of concerts and stayed up all night. One night I confessed I had feelings for her, and she told me she felt the same way. We made plans to meet up later in the week, but every time I invited her over or asked what she was doing, she was busy with something. It got to the point where I texted her saying that if she didn't want to see me, she should just say so. She told me I had it all wrong, and that she really was very busy. She even started texting me very provocative sexual stuff, it was driving me nuts. Finally she was over at my place one night, and I made her dinner. We ended up getting a little drunk, but she told me she wasn't ready to be intimate. That was fine by me, but literally the next day she starting texting me about how I was misogynistic, and how I treated her badly. It was honestly so uncalled for and baffling, and I was frantically trying to figure out how in the world she could have come up with this, before she apologized for "overreacting" and basically never spoke to me again.
One girl I met seemed pretty cool. I only met her briefly but she added me on facebook, and began messaging me almost right away and coming on very strong. She kept dropping very obvious sexual innuendos and she straight up invited me to sleep in her bed if I was ever in town again. That weekend I was back in her area, and I messaged her about it. She seemed stoked to see me, but when I got there she basically ignored me the entire time. Every conversation I tried to have with her was shut down in an instant. I ended up crashing on my friend's couch.
What the hell is going on?? I've tried everything... My friends give me all kinds of conflicting advice. "You're playing it too cool, be more aggressive." "You're coming on too strong, hold back more." "Be cold." "It's not your fault, she was clearly just crazy and irrational." "She was just playing games with you." "She wanted something short term, and you went for something long term." "You seemed too easy."
How can every instance result in something like this? It just can't be a coincidence, it MUST be something I'm doing wrong. But what can I do to change it? I'm not insecure about the way I look, I can make girls laugh, I'm a creative guy, I have friends, I'm good at talking... so what's wrong? Each time I find the courage to talk to a girl and ask her out, I slowly feel less and less confident because of the rejection. I know confidence is essential, but how am I supposed to feel confident when at the back of my mind I'm at risk of getting snubbed? Just...really messes with my head.
Help?
