Big dilemma - is this risky?

Here's the story... there was a guy who was "in love" or you could say "puppy love" with me about 10 yrs ago. We were really young. I felt the same way about him too, but I was shy and couldn't say anything...so when he kept asking me out, I just said no & I didn't give any explanation as to why I didn't want to be his girlfriend.

Well, the real reason why I couldn't go out with him was because my parents had some no dating rules at that time, and I always went by the rules. I don't think the guy I liked knew that was the reason I wouldn't date him.

We hung out a lot as friends though, and then we kinda drifted apart...and he met a girl. He started dating her. I always wanted to tell him how I really felt about him, and see if he still had some feelings too, but I kept making excuses not to. I didn't want to tell him that when he had a gf, so I thought I would wait until they broke up (if they did), because most people do eventually break up at that age.

Well, I hadn't seen him in a long time, and I just found out that he is engaged to be married in about a year from now. I just saw him recently and we talked for a while. I could have easily told him how I felt right then..I'm not as shy anymore, but now that he is engaged, I don't know if it is a good idea!

I know that I have to tell him this, or I will think about it for the rest of my life. I'm the type of person that needs really good closure on everything, but I procrastinate a lot, and this is where it gets me. I just need to tell him, and I guess that I'm thinking it's better to do it now since he isn't married at least. I just don't want what I say to affect his decision of getting married or whatever... I want him to go on as he was, but at the same time I need him to know what I have felt for the past 10 yrs.

If you've read this far, thank you for listening. :) I guess my question is: Do you think it is a good idea to tell him how I feel now (even though it would be selfish & intrusive of me), or do you think I should leave it and be frustrated for the rest of my life? I really don't know what to do because I've never felt like this about someone... Thanks

You should leave it be. I'm sorry, you missed your chance, and you shouldn't make that his (or his fiancee's) problem. When you think about it (and I'm not trying to be mean here), you are really only thinking of yourself in this situation. What are you hoping to get from this? To have him reciprocate your feelings?

Like I said, this is stirring up trouble. He's ENGAGED. That means he's off limits, and if you care about him, try to be happy for him and direct your feelings for him into ones of friendship. Good luck.

I would say no, do not tell him what you use (still do?) feel for him.
The reasons for this are simple:
1. It won't achieve anything, he has a fiancee because she is the person he wants to be with more than anyone else.
2. It would cause more problems than good if he thought you wanted to be with him, it may even stop you both being friends.
3. Your reasons are clearly selfish, telling him will not achieve closure, all it will do is open up problems an akwards situations between you both.

I have to dis-agree with everyone so far. tell him...Its the truth after all in your mind. Its not about achieving anything or reaching some goal...just simply getting something off your chest...nothing wrong with that. I wouldnt care if the girl I was to tell that to was married all ready..seriously..whocares?. So if he freaks out maybe he will reconsider his marriage in which case it would have abviously failed or...he will just say "well, thats nice" and just go on his way doing his marriage thing or what not. You have nothing to lose and neither does he really. If he loves his new fiance than even more he and you have nothing to worry about. I dont understand why everyone would care what his reaction would be...its not like by telling him she kills his fiance and ruins the marriage...all she does is tell him that she liked/likes him. Listen to Nike and just do it lol :goofy: ..seriously..I put a love note on a girls car and she has a boyfriend for 5 years and I have not seen her for 8 years..and guess what..even though I never got a reply I would do it again.

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Originally Posted by icecreamISgood

I've never felt like this about someone...

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What more reason do you need?

I would say keep it to yourself.....but honestly its good to get some closure. Did you ever tell him why you never went out with him? Maybe when talking .....just mention to im that you did like him alot back then, but that your parents were kinda strict so therefore you couldn't date anyone. So therefore explain your constant rejection.....back in the day....

I mean yeah the timing is off for the two of you...but maybe just casually mention that......and at least get it out there. If you want to go into how you currently feel....that might be opening up a can of worms. But then again if you want to thats your choice. But also explain to him that all you ever wanted for him is to be happy and if his fiancee makes him happy then let him know your happy for him.

Just remember.... He is engaged so don't expect him to break it off and come rushing to you.

Hi icecreamISgood

"but at the same time I need him to know what I have felt for the past 10 yrs. " by icecreamISgood

Okay, just to make it a little bit clearer I feel the need to improvise. I think the conversation will go something like this:

icecreamISgood: Hi!!!
This Guy: Hello
icecreamISgood: Remember me??? i'm your old sweetheart
This Guy: Oh i remember you, its been such a long time, how have you been?
icecreamISgood: Good thanks. Well, there is something i've been wanting to tell you for a very very very very very long time now.
This Guy: Okay, shoot
icecreamISgood: It's about how should i say, the way i felt all these years about you and about us? i feel I need you to know what I have felt for the past 10 years.
This Guy: Ok-ey
icecreamISgood: So It's like this:
10 years ago. That time you asked me out and i rejected you 10 years ago, i actually really really liked you, but i couldnt accept you or tell you the reason why i rejected you cause of my parents (So that one's clearly not my fault). Okay.
10 years to ? years ago. Those couple of years we hung out together, I really really liked you as well, but i still thought my parent's rules were much more important than you so i thought i wouldn't tell you anything as well.
? years ago to ? years ago. Then those OTHER years i didn't want to say anything about my feelings for you because you were with some girl and i didn't want to ruin that, cause clearly i'm like so nobody who does those kinda things.
Present. Now that i found out that you are getting engaged i thought i'd tell you that i really really like you before it's too late. So what do you think about the way i felt about you all these years?
This Guy: Ummm, Before it's too late for what exactly???

Okay, i think this one may have a couple of endings. :)

I'm so sorry, I'm so rotten today hehehe

Yeah if you really wanted him..I think you would have went after him years ago.(even after you were on your own) I know you were shy....but honestly....if you want something bad enough....it can happen..

Now you kinda missed your opportunity....and I think the fact that hes not gonna be available to you is why your doing this. It the fact of wanting something you cannot have.

hrmm... well you have to consider your intensions before you tell him how you feel. because i personally think that you should tell him, but that is besides the point.

i know that you want him to feel how you feel now, but he is engaged. he has already moved on with that part of his life and more than likely, you'll get shut down. however, i suggest that you tell him something along these lines, "i know that it's in the past now, but i always looked at you as more than a friend. it's still true to this day, however i know that you're happy as i value your happiness very dearly" hell, i dunno, but something along those lines. it will tell him how you feel, and at the same time, it won't leave him feeling as though you're trying to steal him away.

raverboy

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tell him

if he wants to marry this girl i assume he loves her, so it wont affect anything.

and you will feel alot better.

just dont expect anything out of it.

if you do get something out if it you will feel guilty.

I have mixed feelings about this. Someone I know was engaged as well and this guy from 4 years back came back into her life and guess what happened.... they ended up being back together and she left that guy she's engaged to. It's happened to a lot of people that I know. Unless you are ready to stir the pot and you can't contain yourself then tell him. but if these were feelings from the past and you don't feel the same about him... then you shouldn't say anything.

Also, if you were in his situation and your fiancee's old time crush came along a year before you were to get married, wouldn't you feel a little uneasy. Ijust tend to base things on how others feel before I act or react to something.

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Originally Posted by icecreamISgood

I guess my question is: Do you think it is a good idea to tell him how I feel now (even though it would be selfish & intrusive of me),

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(sigh) You already know the answer to this question. Don't do it. You will only appear to be groveling, and then you will be embarrassed about it later. Besides, you had a crush on him when you were a KID. Don't pretend that you would have lived happily-ever-after if only it weren't for your wicked, evil (step) parents. This is real life, not a fairy tale.