Relationship Is Falling Apart - Urgent Help Needed!

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01-03-15, 02:50 AM
aya91

Relationship Is Falling Apart - Urgent Help Needed!

Hello,

I've been in a long distance for a little more than 6 months. We see each other about every 2 months for 1 or 2 weeks. However, she's a very insecure person. To keep it short, a few months ago I accidentally unhid a picture of me and my ex on my FB profile, which of course was very misleading for my current gf, even though there was and is nothing at all going on with my ex (eventually I cut off the contact to my ex completely).
It led to the point of arguing almost every day, and what she wants now is a reassurance or a "proof", some action/fact that will make her feel safe about me being faithful.
I'm feeling very desperate because for me she's really "the one", and we had a lot of plans about moving together. When we do see each other, everything is fine, it feels perfect and she's really caring and sweet, but as soon as we're apart, she gets very afraid of me cheating and starts blaming me and arguing.

I really need a good idea on how to fix this.
I've tried with gifts (not material things, but rather self-crafted objects, cute things and so on), with letters, and with endless messages explaining what happened, and what she means to me. Despite the distance, I try to give her as much attention as possible, we send messages at every hour of the day and we usually skype for hours in the evenings.

How can I "prove" to her that nothing is going to happen in the future and that I will stay at her side?

I really need something really good, and as soon as possible. :( :( :(
01-03-15, 08:42 AM
Wakeup

This is how you fix this:
Next time she brings up her insecurity and inability to trust you, you telling calmly and matter of factly (over the phone or facetime, not via email or text) that you are not going to entertain this conversation any longer, that you're not a cheater, you don't want anyone else but her and that's that. Then you tell her that you have to go because of "x" reason and that you'll talk to her again soon. Then you log off or hang up.

Next time you talk, you do that same thing.

STOP enabling her bullshit and insecurity.
02-03-15, 03:14 AM
snoopy1983

She's scared when you are not with her. This is probably not due to something you have done, but because of something that happened to her in the past. The long distance makes this harder on her, because she doesn't know what you are doing all day and it gives her too much time to think about what you might be doing.

There is not much that are going to be able to do than reassure her in a convincing manner (as the other poster said) or taking the relationship a step further if you really love her that much. If you really love her, she will be able to feel and know it and if she feels the same way, she is not going to run from you because of this.
02-03-15, 08:25 AM
smackie9

LDRs don't work for this very reason. The distance brings on insecurity, even for the most confident. You truly want to fix this, you have to move to where she is. If you truly feel she is the one, this is your next step.
02-03-15, 11:23 AM
basilandthyme

Have you considered that she may be the same neurotic self if you were living near each other? This may not be a long distance issue at all.

Strongly agree with Wakeup. You must tell her that this conversation about your ex ends here and now - and ENFORCE the new rule. If she raises the subject, log off or hang up. If you are with her in person, either you leave or ask her to leave.
02-03-15, 09:01 PM
jenniferaniston

Every girl is different, so base your actions on her particular personality. If you really love her, you should have a good idea as to the kind of things she likes and appreciates.Try to give her the good life that she so deserves, emotionally and physically. You can never expect to receive if you do not give.If you feel that something is wrong in your relationship, try to find a time when both of you are calm and collected and talk to her about it. Gently ask her if there is anything that is making her unhappy, and listen to what she tells you.
02-03-15, 10:26 PM
aya91

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenniferaniston [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Every girl is different, so base your actions on her particular personality. If you really love her, you should have a good idea as to the kind of things she likes and appreciates.Try to give her the good life that she so deserves, emotionally and physically. You can never expect to receive if you do not give.If you feel that something is wrong in your relationship, try to find a time when both of you are calm and collected and talk to her about it. Gently ask her if there is anything that is making her unhappy, and listen to what she tells you.

She wants a proof, and not getting it for her means a broken promise, which makes it even worse.

All she answers with is "I hate you", "Never talk to me again", "You're a liar", "You're a cheater".
There's absolutely no way to talk to her, so I really don't know what to do.
03-03-15, 06:11 AM
snoopy1983

The problem is that there is no such thing as proof in this matter. She either trusts you or she doesn't. You can only tell her you are serious, which you already did. Maybe call her or tell her in person rather than texting. Do you really want to be with someone who will fuss over this as much?
03-03-15, 09:52 AM
Wakeup

:sad2:If you're going to stay with this one, Op (not recommended but that's up to you) then you better get some ballzzz and start utilizing good personal boundaries that you won't let her cross because she will have you jumping through her hoops like a poodle during circus's doggie act.

Here, read the link below and educate yourself so that you don't let her be the Princess she thinks she is.

[url=http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/personalboundaries.html]Healthy Personal Boundaries & How to Establish Them[/url]
03-03-15, 11:23 AM
basilandthyme

Quote:

Originally Posted by aya91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She wants a proof, and not getting it for her means a broken promise, which makes it even worse.

All she answers with is "I hate you", "Never talk to me again", "You're a liar", "You're a cheater".
There's absolutely no way to talk to her, so I really don't know what to do.

Holy Shit! And you tolerate her to speaking to you like this? I don't care how much you loved her, her behaviour is completely unacceptable in any relationship. Yep, now the the honeymoon is over, you're seeing her for who she truly is: a complete nutjob.
03-03-15, 11:53 AM
aya91

Quote:

Originally Posted by snoopy1983 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The problem is that there is no such thing as proof in this matter. She either trusts you or she doesn't. You can only tell her you are serious, which you already did. Maybe call her or tell her in person rather than texting. Do you really want to be with someone who will fuss over this as much?

I told her both in person and through texting, and when we were together. When we were together, she actually believed me to some extent. When we're apart... no.
Maybe I used the wrong ways to tell her that I'm serious? How can I make her understand that I'm actually serious? Or is it hopeless? The options are either fix this or let it go, I don't see anything in between...
03-03-15, 12:05 PM
basilandthyme

Aya, forget about trying to fix this! There are huge warning flags here about her behaviour and you're ignoring them. This is not the type of woman to have a relationship with.

Save yourself and get away from her.
03-03-15, 03:29 PM
Wakeup

Quote:

Originally Posted by aya91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I told her both in person and through texting, and when we were together. When we were together, she actually believed me to some extent. When we're apart... no.
Maybe I used the wrong ways to tell her that I'm serious? How can I make her understand that I'm actually serious? Or is it hopeless? The options are either fix this or let it go, I don't see anything in between...

What is wrong with you that you lose all self respect for a mentally challenged, disrespectful, jealous shrew?

Wash yourself of her and get on with your life. She sounds boarderline personality disordered and if that's the case, she'll be trying to hoover you back to her the minute you stop giving her attention. This will continue until you're in some mental hospital wondering what the fvck happened to you.

Have fun.

Seriously... check out getting therapy so that you figure out with professional help why you're begging someone like her to come back to you.
03-03-15, 04:38 PM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Holy Shit! And you tolerate her to speaking to you like this? I don't care how much you loved her, her behaviour is completely unacceptable in any relationship. Yep, now the the honeymoon is over, you're seeing her for who she truly is: a complete nutjob.

Ya I'm gonna go with this^^^^. Obviously she lacks any skills to handle an adult relationship. She's bat sh it crazy.