I can't even sleep properly because of this

Hello there ladies, I'd like to hear your opinion and views on this situation that is making me completely emotional and I my mind is just not right.

Basically, I've met this woman, she is 35 years old last summer, myself I am 25, we basically hit it off right away but I had no intentions or anything just to enjoy the company, since I like to surround myself with slightly older people. To fast-forward it we started talking over the phone, and eventually I invited her to have a dinner with me at my house which I was preparing for us. This ended up us in our bed sheets. Then we started seeing each other more often, she'd spend all her weekend at my house being with me, and I could tell she enjoyed every single minute. 3 Months later, she tells me that she is in a bad relationship with some guy that works abroad, and supports her financially. I didn't really care much , because I sort of knew... but I didn't like it so much anyways, we continued to seeing each other. Until the day I had to leave the country to go abroad and do some projects. So I was away for 2 months, when I came back, I find out she moved out of her ex's house, and rented a new house for herself, and she found another guy in her words "sponsor" to support her financially.

At that time I did not like it all and I went mad, but then I said to myself, were not a couple, so why do I give a shit? But eventually I was denying to myself, that I sort of have feelings for her. She basically confessed that she loves me, she enjoys my company, that I understand her, and she can be herself around me. And deep inside myself, I knew I have to man up and fight for this and go abroad, make some money which is crucial these days and help her with whatever she needs. Now I am abroad, and of-course I think about everything and one weekend, she told me she is going to barber shop and she will text me later. 24-H passed and nothing so I went completely ballistic and send her something of like "you're probably banging this guy right now that's how much you want to be with me and love me" blah blah blah. So we argued and didn't speak for a week. Then things went back to normal. On April the 3rd I am back to my country and she told me that she is going on holiday, with her "ex boyfriend" for a "goodbye trip" and then I went completely ballistic again, I said things I shouldn't of said, but I did what I did, and I don't regret it. She told me she accepted that trip because we were fighting and she was in the middle of the heat or whatever. Now this is where the things are standing. I told her I will help her and so on, she said she started pushing the sponsor away, and about the trip, she said once I am back we will talk about it, because she has some "valid reasons" why she should go.

And of-course it triggered me and I just simply told her, Listen tell your valid reasons and excuses to average Joe, not me. I am not a pushover, you go on a vacation with him, you will never see me again. Then she says that she is tired of everything and she needs to go away and relax. Then she asked my permission if I will let her go. I said with another man, over my dead body. Then I sort of stopped panicking and I just simply told her, do whatever you think its best for you. I let you do whatever you want.(If she goes obviously she weren't looking so serious to start a relationship with me, even thought I proposed I'll rent the whole house, help her out etc)

So I don't know ladies, I am kind of in a weird situation. I think all my accusations and being mad made her tired and now she is convincing herself I must go to this vacation(because tickets are bought already(like really who gives a shit?) Also she says that I am very selfish, it's always about me, I always ask her not to do this, not to do that blah blah blah.

My mind is just not right. I really want to be with this woman, but what she does Is not healthy for me, but I don't want to just give up on her.
I don't know what steps should I take or do in order either to start a nice healthy relationship from the bottom or just close the last page of the book and move on.

Thank you

Look down, Op: Now grab your balls to make sure you still have some.

She's a user for mens dicks and their money. You're pussy whipped and a fool.

I gotta say; I hate men like you that let pussy rule their lives like you have over this C**T.

You need a time out and go to the corner to think about this. The reality is, she isn't going to leave this other guy, she found a better gig. She is a gold digger and goes to the highest bidder. There is nothing about her that can make a healthy relationship and you know this. She is going on that vacation because SHE WANTS TO, not because she feels obligated, or because you are fighting pffft ya right. It's just her game of manipulation.

Obviously you never have had a GF/relationship before....was she your first too? Falling in love with the first pussy you get is just stupid. There is plenty of pussy out there that is way less hassle. Now get off your ass and get out there and find some strange and enjoy it with out the financial strain on your wallet. Rule of thumb: you shouldn't have to pay for pussy. If you do, someone with more money will get that pussy.

I hate to say this but I think the smelly poontang swallowed your balls man.
You gotta get them back.