Confused about my best friend

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27-03-15, 07:25 PM
SilentOne

Confused about my best friend

Hey,
I'm an 18 year old guy and I have a best friend who is a girl.
We've been friends since we were 13 and I've loved her since then. I told her this when I was 15 and she freaked out on me and stopped talking. A month later, everything was back on track and we started talking again.
I took the wrong hints and boom, asked her if she loved me again. She told me that she just didn't want a relationship and friendship was the way to go.
That's when I realized I'd been friend zoned.

Over the course of the next few months, I tried letting her go from my life. I stopped texting her, calling her or even discussing about her with friends. But she kept coming back.
"Why ruin our friendship?" She kept telling me and I had to succumb to her.

Now, I'm 18. We've talk for hours on an end although we rarely get to meet each other. She tells me almost everything in her life and so do I. Its actually like a relationship without the mushy mushy part.
And now I'm not proposing her. I'm confused. Being rejected multiple times is hard enough, but being played around is tougher.
Its not like she has any other guys in her life. She's with me on the phone for almost 4 hours a day or chatting when we are not talking.

I need advice now. She doesn't give any hints that she loves me, but she does talk about her old crushes or new crushes. Is that to make me jealous? (Because it works).
She's a nice girl. Understands me, trusts me.

What do I do to get out of this mess? I cannot consider this as merely friendship. This is something more. It just a question of making her realize. And no, direct confrontation won't work. I've tried it before.
Please help out...

-SilentOne
27-03-15, 07:52 PM
basilandthyme

Her discussing other men isn't to make you jealous. It's because she sees you as a friend and ignores your feelings.

She says "why ruin our friendship?", but she's ignoring the fact that it's too late. The friendship is no longer just a friendship because you have feelings for her.

I think you need to go back to the 'no contact' thing. Tell her that as she doesn't feel the same way about you, you need to go your own way so that you can recover your heart. If she doesn't want you to leave, tell her that you would only stay if she was to be your girlfriend.

You'll have to be strong. Stand up for what you need.
27-03-15, 08:14 PM
SilentOne

Quote:

Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Her discussing other men isn't to make you jealous. It's because she sees you as a friend and ignores your feelings.

She says "why ruin our friendship?", but she's ignoring the fact that it's too late. The friendship is no longer just a friendship because you have feelings for her.

I think you need to go back to the 'no contact' thing. Tell her that as she doesn't feel the same way about you, you need to go your own way so that you can recover your heart. If she doesn't want you to leave, tell her that you would only stay if she was to be your girlfriend.

You'll have to be strong. Stand up for what you need.

Thank you for your strong words.
But, you need to understand that I have done this with her before and she began to laugh it off, in fact, going as far as to ignore my threats and calling me and texting me as if nothing had happened, while in reality, she was afraid that I was right.

I can stop talking with her, maybe switch off my phone or even change my number but that won't change the fact that she'll try to reach me in whatever way possible.
Its like she wants to be with me, but doesn't want to acknowledge the love part.
Its weird. Its unrealistic even. How do I make her realize this without imposing it upon her.
Any women or girls have any opinion about this?
30-03-15, 01:24 PM
smackie9

Tip: girls can be emotionally attached without having romantic feelings....this is called friend zoning. You are misinterpreting her emotional attachment for love. She isn't in love with you.

- - - Updated - - -

Quote:

Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Her discussing other men isn't to make you jealous. It's because she sees you as a friend and ignores your feelings.

She says "why ruin our friendship?", but she's ignoring the fact that it's too late. The friendship is no longer just a friendship because you have feelings for her.

I think you need to go back to the 'no contact' thing. Tell her that as she doesn't feel the same way about you, you need to go your own way so that you can recover your heart. If she doesn't want you to leave, tell her that you would only stay if she was to be your girlfriend.

You'll have to be strong. Stand up for what you need.

I agree with this^^^^^

If you haven't got her by now, it's not going to happen. Girls are not confused about who they like. If she can talk about other guys in front of you, she likes those guys, not you.
30-03-15, 02:38 PM
basilandthyme

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilentOne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thank you for your strong words.
But, you need to understand that I have done this with her before and she began to laugh it off, in fact, going as far as to ignore my threats and calling me and texting me as if nothing had happened, while in reality, she was afraid that I was right.

I can stop talking with her, maybe switch off my phone or even change my number but that won't change the fact that she'll try to reach me in whatever way possible.
Its like she wants to be with me, but doesn't want to acknowledge the love part.
Its weird. Its unrealistic even. How do I make her realize this without imposing it upon her.
Any women or girls have any opinion about this?

You have to get firmer. You're wanting to know how to be nice to a girl who not only doesn't respect your boundaries, but laughs at them. Frankly, it sounds to me like she's got no respect for you at all.
30-03-15, 09:05 PM
SilentOne

Quote:

Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You have to get firmer. You're wanting to know how to be nice to a girl who not only doesn't respect your boundaries, but laughs at them. Frankly, it sounds to me like she's got no respect for you at all.

Its not as black and white as it seems to be. She sometimes speaks in a way that makes me feel that she loves me.
I'm thinking its a problem that she has that she hasn't told me yet. Maybe her parents or maybe she's afraid that it won't work out?
She's been in two failed relationships before and now she's skeptical about guys.

And yes, I have been friend zoned. I'll most probably hang out with her one last time and let her know that at this point...she should either love me or leave me alone.

Also, I haven't mentioned it, but during these few years, I've been in an on/off relationship with one of her friends (she knows about this).
But I stopped dating that girl almost an year ago.

Is she insecure?
30-03-15, 09:12 PM
basilandthyme

Given that she laughs at you when you try to make boundaries, she's certainly NOT insecure. I know you're trying to find hope, but the truth is that she just isn't seeing you as a potential boyfriend.
30-03-15, 09:16 PM
SilentOne

Quote:

Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Given that she laughs at you when you try to make boundaries, she's certainly NOT insecure. I know you're trying to find hope, but the truth is that she just isn't seeing you as a potential boyfriend.

I know this is a stupid and often asked question:
Is there ANY way a guy can get out of the friendzone?

If not, how can I get her out of my life? I don't want to ruin the next few years hoping for some magic to happen. Its better I move on as quickly as possible. I've already put it off for too long.
30-03-15, 09:50 PM
basilandthyme

To get her out of your life, you tell her that you're moving on because having unreciprocated feelings is too painful for you. You tell her not to contact you. Then you unfriend her on social media and block her numbers in case she calls or messages.

If she finds another way to get in contact with you, it's time to pull out the big guns and do whatever you can to get rid of her. Yes, you may have to walk away, or be rude, or say awful things to her friends. If you feel bad about this, just remind yourself that you wouldn't need to do this if she respected you.
30-03-15, 10:05 PM
SilentOne

Thanks a lot. Looks like I've got a couple tough weeks ahead of me. Its time to disappear I guess ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

To get her out of your life, you tell her that you're moving on because having unreciprocated feelings is too painful for you. You tell her not to contact you. Then you unfriend her on social media and block her numbers in case she calls or messages.

If she finds another way to get in contact with you, it's time to pull out the big guns and do whatever you can to get rid of her. Yes, you may have to walk away, or be rude, or say awful things to her friends. If you feel bad about this, just remind yourself that you wouldn't need to do this if she respected you.
30-03-15, 11:19 PM
basilandthyme

yeah - it's going to be tough. But eventually you'll come out from under her spell and find emotional freedom. And then you'll find a lovely woman who wants you for who you are.

Come back if you need some support xx