Recently dumped

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12-09-05, 01:46 AM
sad and lonely

Recently dumped

Hello all, I am new to this forum and i have already seen some great topics and advice.

So here's the mess that I have recently found myself in. I am married. A couple of months ago, I met this man at a party (one of my girlfriend's brother actually). We ended up hooking up at the party, we kissed and fooled around a little. For about a month after, we text messaged each othe daily. He wasn't too pushy, but he did keep asking to see me. I fought him off for as long as I could as I knew that what I was doing was wrong. Yet at the same time, my marriage hasn't been the greatest. Finally one day I started getting stronger feelings for this man, just through talking to him either over the phone or by texting with him. And then I gave in and went to see him. We saw each other a few times, we had fun together, and I was so happy. I know it sounds selfish, but i felt that for the time being, i could keep my family and have this man in my life and i would feel complete. We were only seeing each otehr for a very short time, perhaps 3 weeks when he all of a sudden told me that he needed to control his feelings or he would go insane, that the more he talked to me the more he felt feelings for me, he thought about me all the time and was totally consumed with me. He said he couldn't go on like that knowing this couldn't last forever, knowing that he couldn't have me. And so he just ended it last week. As you can imagine, I'm devestated, I don't understand how someone can be so into you and then just tell you 'goodbye'. :(
12-09-05, 02:15 AM
gHEXjt

Its probably better that he did it now rather than it happening months from now. He must not have thought that you would leave your husband for him, and the more he let this continue, the more hurt he would be when you broke it off down the line.
12-09-05, 02:33 AM
sad and lonely

Quote:

Originally Posted by gHEXjt

Its probably better that he did it now rather than it happening months from now. He must not have thought that you would leave your husband for him, and the more he let this continue, the more hurt he would be when you broke it off down the line.

I agree that it was better to have happened now than months later. But at the same time, it was a shock - as though he just turned a switch on and off just like that. And I guess what hurts the most is that I wouldn't agree to see him for so long and when i finally "gave in" and started to have feelings for him, he just ended it.
12-09-05, 02:50 AM
shh!

Did you sleep with him?
12-09-05, 05:04 AM
Ellynn

He probably liked you alot....but the fact that you are married kinda changed things for him. I mean he tried it for awhile and realized it wouldn't work.....mainly because you ARE married and he could never just be with you. It would always have to be secret relationship.....he would have to share you....etc.

Now you have to ask yourself this? Are you truly happy in your marriage? Did you fall for this guy only because of the attention he was giving you? Or did you truly like him? Some people get caught up in the new attention they are given by another guy that they kinda lose track of how they really feel...thats why I asked..

Personally I would not give up a marriage unless I was certain that I was unhappy and that it wasn't gonna work. If you are happy with your husband.....and can see yourself with him for years to come....then its best things ended with this other guy.

But if you are truly unhappy....(whether this other guy is in the pic or not) then you need to make some decisions about your marriage.
12-09-05, 01:42 PM
clynn

Geeze. Quit fooling around.
12-09-05, 02:14 PM
Mish

Hi sad and lonely

I'm afraid to say this, but he did the right thing. I applaud this man, his strength to do the right thing and his final decision. You two should not have started this fooling around debacle in the first place (You should not have led him on, either end your marriage and go to him or stay in your marriage and forget about him).

Suffice to say, you have not lost everything and the situation could have been much much much much much much much worse!!! If i were you (Instead of whining about being sad and lonely) I would count my lucky stars that A. Your husband has not found out about the third person. B. Your relationship with this man ended sooner rather than later. C. You still have a chance to decide whether you want to continue pursuing your marriage, repair it and make it better or end everything and look for some one else.

Take it as a lesson for the future and move on...
12-09-05, 04:12 PM
Airborne

Aye, sooner rather than later, the longer he left is the worse it could be.

Can I point out that you were not really dumped because you were married.

May I also point out thatwhen you are in a marriage it is always better to try and sort your problems out, going off any seeing someone else is a huge mistake when you have a family.
12-09-05, 09:16 PM
sad and lonely

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellynn

He probably liked you alot....but the fact that you are married kinda changed things for him. I mean he tried it for awhile and realized it wouldn't work.....mainly because you ARE married and he could never just be with you. It would always have to be secret relationship.....he would have to share you....etc.

Now you have to ask yourself this? Are you truly happy in your marriage? Did you fall for this guy only because of the attention he was giving you? Or did you truly like him? Some people get caught up in the new attention they are given by another guy that they kinda lose track of how they really feel...thats why I asked..

Personally I would not give up a marriage unless I was certain that I was unhappy and that it wasn't gonna work. If you are happy with your husband.....and can see yourself with him for years to come....then its best things ended with this other guy.

But if you are truly unhappy....(whether this other guy is in the pic or not) then you need to make some decisions about your marriage.

No, I am not truly happy in my marriage. Initially, yes, it was just a "rush" that I was given attention from someone - the kind of attention I hadn't had in a very long long time. But as time went on, I started to develop feelings for him and truly started to care for him. I enjoyed our daily conversations. As someone pointed out in one of the other posts, yes, it's a blessing that my husband never found out and that this ended sooner rather than later but I was at the same time prepared for anything, including if my husband found out I was prepared to leave if that is what he wanted me to do.

As for "fooling around" please try to understand that all this that has happened is truly out of character for me. I have been with my husband for 16 years. He was my first. I had never been with another man, never been tempted to "fool around" with anyone. People change.
12-09-05, 09:17 PM
sad and lonely

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

Did you sleep with him?

yes, i did.
12-09-05, 10:23 PM
Lloyd95

Quote:

Originally Posted by sad and lonely

I have been with my husband for 16 years. He was my first.

Here's your problem.

Men and women both need to sow those wild oats before they get married. Experience life early, get it out of your system, otherwise it'll hit you later on.
12-09-05, 10:56 PM
TAVS

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lloyd95

Here's your problem.

Men and women both need to sow those wild oats before they get married. Experience life early, get it out of your system, otherwise it'll hit you later on.

Or, people just need to have some will-power and a little more respect for the person they claim to love.
12-09-05, 11:00 PM
Tone

Cause when you love someone, you just don't treat them bad, oh how I feel so sad, now that I wanna leave... she's cryin her heart to me, how could you let this be, I just need time to see... where I wanna be... where I wannnnnna be.
12-09-05, 11:47 PM
Chlorine

sad_and_lonely----"People change."

Doesn't justify committing adultery.

Better that your lover ended it. You're married.