I can't seem to get through to him.

Hey all,

I kind of need advice on communication with my boyfriend. I need to mention that he has PTSD before I go too much into detail with this. Continuing on. I know that communication is a key factor in relationships. I've been trying to and I'm failing terribly. So, here's what's going on. First, he wants things to be physical between us but will not literally sleep with me in the same bed. He wants to leave shortly afterwards. He and I work different shifts plus he has some sleeping issues related to the PTSD. He's told me that he doesn't want to wake me if when he leaves because he often sleeps during the day due to work So, I offered a key so he could let himself out as you cannot lock the door when leaving without using a key. He didn't want the key. I've asked if the PTSD was the reasoning thinking that part of his sleeping issues might leave me hurt or something. I really thought that would be what the case was which I would've understood that but he said that wasn't it. Then there's the other case that I've been trying to discuss with him. Saturday is pretty much the only day that neither of us have conflicting work schedules. A little over a week ago now I made arrangements for a babysitter so that we could go see a movie that we both wanted to see. I told him that I was going to do so as I wasn't able to do anything with him on his birthday and that I would cover the cost. He went home, went to sleep, and didn't wake up until after 10pm which was too late for the movie anx he texted me telling me he was coming over. By this point I had texted him several times and given up on him. Then this past weekend he went to spend time with his mother which I perfectly understand and have no complaints on because it's his mother. What kind of hurt me though was when he come by my apartment only long enough to tell me that he was going to go home to go to sleep so that he could go play poker at his friends house then he told me that he would come by around midnight to see me. When he text me around 1am instead I told him I was going to bed and acted like he was offended. I've mentioned before that I've attempted talking with him but when I did he just got mad at me and told me to stop giving him shit about what he does. I feel like he acts like he only wants a friend with benefits even though he wanted to make things exclusive between us. I've gotten pretty discouraged and I guess I'm just trying to make one last final attempt to communicate with him on it before I break it off with him because that's not the first couple times he's done that.

if you want to break up with this guy, i will not be the one to tell you don't. you deserve so muhc better than how he is treating you. his PTSD is no excuse or a free pass to disrespect you and hurt you.

You have to use your "I" words and refrain from using "you" words that only put people on the defensive.

E.g.:

I feel disappointed and that I'm not valued when I've been blown off when we have had plans.
Not: You really are not being very nice when you say you're coming over and then you don't.

Its a subtle difference but sub consciously it makes him stop and think about your feelings rather then concentrate on him being wrong in some way.

It makes you really think about what you're saying as well rather then just shooting from the hip and talking with your emotions rather then your logic.

Anyway, he needs to be made to understand that how he is treating you currently is like he feels you have no value and therefore he just takes you for granted because he knows that you have value for him and therefore you're not going anywhere no matter how shitty he treats you.

You're thinking straight by concluding that leaving him in is in your best interests if things don't change. Sorry and good luck.

You mentioned PTSD, which is a legitimate disorder and can affect people in many ways. But how much of all this is PTSD and how much is just him being an inconsiderate jerk? Regardless - what do you want? A boyfriend who wants to spend time with you, doesn't cancel plans (actually, he didn't even bother to cancel) and is involved in your life/vice versa? Then this guy isn't it. I've known returned soldiers with PTSD and none of them had 'inconsiderate' as a symptom. Anyway - you're dating, if he's not ticking your boxes and you've tried to no avail...it's safe to say you might be wasting time.

Thank you all for your advice.