I cheated - now we're 9 months in...
I've been dating my gf for almost a year now. we're both in college and are in our early 20s.
She is amazing and I think I'm in this for the long haul.
I got caught cheating two months in - she decided to stay with me after I vowed to gain her trust again.
She suffers from anxiety, and sometimes it'll take over her mindset and suddenly she starts making me feel guilty about my mistake.
9 months after I got caught, nothing has changed. Not only does she have these anxiety attacks at times, but I also feel like her respect for me has diminished.
I feel as though I tried to make up for my mistake by making sure I'm always around (I pretty much live with her) and avoiding getting too impassioned when she does something out of line.
she says she trusts me and that she wants to be with me long term (she's very in love with me) but I also think she's gotten very comfortable given my desperate attempt at gaining her trust.
last night she told me something that really bothered me. She was reminiscing about the early days of our relationship and how "together" I seemed. And how now I appear more human. I wasn't sure how to take that and in a way I thought that comment was an indictment on how comfortable she is with me, but also that she no longer sees me as someone to be revered and respected.
I want this relationship to work, but I can't think of a way to build respect and trust.
I really don't know what to do here and I need guidance. I just feel like I'm not the shiny new car I used to be and I think it has a lot to do with how I handled the aftermath of being caught cheating.