I was too late and I lost

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03-06-15, 12:25 AM
TooLateILost

I was too late and I lost

Hi,

This is going to be a long story, so brace yourself.

I am 37 years old, married and have two girls - 12 and 6 years old. I married when I was 23 and the elder one was born before I was 25. Marriage started breaking up pretty soon. The younger one was born during a phase of reconciliation. I haven't slept with my wife for 6.5 years, though we have mostly lived in same house.

About 4 years ago, I met a wonderful girl (at work), I was 33 and she was 23 then, and we fell for each other. I told her that I would never divorce due to my kids, she understood and agreed. We started our relationship. Things got very serious and we really loved each other.

After about 3 years, when she was 26, she wanted to start a new life, so decided to break up, got a new job and left. After about a fortnight, I realized she was very important to me, I approached her, promised to divorce and we got back.

When I was in the process of divorce, my elder daughter hit puberty, I got scared about what if wife marries a creep who will take advantage of my daughter. I decided to not divorce and told my girl. She understood and said that she will continue as long as she can. After that, for about next 5 months we had sporadic fights because of my decision to not divorce.

Then 50 days ago, her best friend was going to get married. She went for the bachelorrette party alone, found that everybody had come with their partners, understood what she was losing on and broke up. I understood.

But after about a month, I realized she was the single most important person in my life. I files for divorce, moved out of the home and approached her. Now she says she has fallen out of love with me and is seeing somebody else. She has completely blocked me out from everywhere.

I have become a zombie. Haven't slept in last 20 days. Obsess about her all the time and life is hell. I can't understand the reasons for her behavior

Please tell me how can she move over a four years long relationship just like that? :(
03-06-15, 05:46 AM
Chock

Quote:

Originally Posted by TooLateILost [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hi,

This is going to be a long story, so brace yourself.

I am 37 years old, married and have two girls - 12 and 6 years old. I married when I was 23 and the elder one was born before I was 25. Marriage started breaking up pretty soon. The younger one was born during a phase of reconciliation. I haven't slept with my wife for 6.5 years, though we have mostly lived in same house.

About 4 years ago, I met a wonderful girl (at work), I was 33 and she was 23 then, and we fell for each other. I told her that I would never divorce due to my kids, she understood and agreed. We started our relationship. Things got very serious and we really loved each other.

After about 3 years, when she was 26, she wanted to start a new life, so decided to break up, got a new job and left. After about a fortnight, I realized she was very important to me, I approached her, promised to divorce and we got back.

When I was in the process of divorce, my elder daughter hit puberty, I got scared about what if wife marries a creep who will take advantage of my daughter. I decided to not divorce and told my girl. She understood and said that she will continue as long as she can. After that, for about next 5 months we had sporadic fights because of my decision to not divorce.

Then 50 days ago, her best friend was going to get married. She went for the bachelorrette party alone, found that everybody had come with their partners, understood what she was losing on and broke up. I understood.

But after about a month, I realized she was the single most important person in my life. I files for divorce, moved out of the home and approached her. Now she says she has fallen out of love with me and is seeing somebody else. She has completely blocked me out from everywhere.

I have become a zombie. Haven't slept in last 20 days. Obsess about her all the time and life is hell. I can't understand the reasons for her behavior

Please tell me how can she move over a four years long relationship just like that? :(

TooLate,

Very easily, she got tired of waiting and your indecisions. You "may" be able to save her, with the right effort, especially if her new romance is relatively short. There are ways.

I might argue, if there's any chance to reconcile with your wife, it could provide a MUCH better relationship. You did love he once, and you can love her again. You've got two wonderful daughters to be happy about.

You CAN CHOSE TO LOVE WHOM EVERY YOU WISH. There's a reason your marriage failed. Find out why and work on that. You need to "speak her love language", and understand what is important to her and she needs to do the same.

I went through something similar....(however, no kids), my marriage had fallen apart, and went through the divorce. I seriously dated the new lady for 2 and a half years and live with her for over a year. We had one major issue that we couldn't solve, which caused me to leave her, regardless of still being deeply in love with her.... I tried hard with counseling, etc, but didn't work.

Got back with the ex. We had both changed a bunch and didn't face the problems that caused our original failure, and it's better than ever, but it was emotionally difficult for quite a while. But worth it.

Good luck, which ever way you go.
03-06-15, 06:01 AM
TooLateILost

I know she got tired of my indecision. But now I have taken all corrective steps, but she is gone. What can I do to make her believe that I have changed. She has blocked me from everywhere :(
03-06-15, 06:45 AM
Chock

Quote:

Originally Posted by TooLateILost [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know she got tired of my indecision. But now I have taken all corrective steps, but she is gone. What can I do to make her believe that I have changed. She has blocked me from everywhere :(

There are some great articles and advice out there on getting an ex GF back. There are some things you do and don't do. I did it I was totally locked out of her life.... she wouldn't acknowledge that I was even alive. Took 4 weeks to just get her to talk to me for 5 minutes, and that didn't go well. I changed a few things, waited awhile, got to talk again and she agreed to a short lunch together. A week and a half later we were back together.

Also, did it another time... but things were a bit different, easier, but overall a better shot at a LTR.

So, yes it works. Does it always... no. I'd bet that if you REALLY want her, your chances of getting her back would be close to 90% or better...... You had a long relationship together and seems like she really loved you. She can again, especially if the new guy is short term.... just an infatuation.
03-06-15, 07:18 AM
TooLateILost

Thanks for the nice words Chock. Yes, I REALLY want her back. Life seems incomplete without her.

She has known this guy for 10 years and never had any feelings for her. He studied with her and works at a place adjacent to hers. He was just at the right place at the right time.