I found the love of my life but I don't love her anymore. Should I break up?

Hello my dear friends out there, my name is Sam. Let me tell you a love story without happy end.

As a teenager I never had really much success with women. I look pretty average and I am somewhat shy. After I got 18 I met this one girl, she was 17 and very beautiful. It was love on the first sight for both of us, we came together on the second date. The following months were the most beautiful, enjoyable and luckiest times I've ever experienced in my whole life. Before that I didn't even believe that a human being is able to feel such a happiness. We had amazing sex (she was a virgin before), laughed and just loved each other incredibly strong. We promised each other featly, honesty and love for the rest of our lives. I have so many pictures from these times, it was just true and deep love. She gave me everything I ever wanted.

Unfortunately in these times I was insane jealous. I prohibited her everything, told her to stay away from all male friends, to not go clubbing and similar because I was so much afraid of her meeting another man. I hated myself for being that jealous, but I could't do anything it just dominated me. She really tried to understand it and did everything for me to feel better, but at the end she just wasn't able to understand and continued meeting her male friends without telling me, she didn't actually cheat me but she did a few things behind my back. That hurt me so much, it broke my pink glasses from one second to another, I lost my entire trust in her. In the following 1-2 years we argued and fighted a lot, cried, we even broke up for a few weeks two or three times. She tried everything to make it undone, I know that she felt so sorry for it but my feelings were gone and I was just angry and sad.

After around 3 years things settled down a bit, my jealousy got on a normal level and we started building a relationship that was stronger than ever before. My trust grew from day to day. Years went by, we moved together, had a lot of wonderful holidays together, my family loves her like they love me and I also have a very good relationship to her parents and her friends. In the first years we talked a lot about having children together, marrying, getting old with each other. And she is still talking a lot about the future, she still wants to marry me. If I had to describe her now I would describe her as the perfect woman I've always been dreaming of since I was a child. She is 100% faithful, we don't fight anymore, we have more or less the same interests and opinions about most of things, she still looks very hot and actually I am not able to find reasons why she wouldn't be perfect for me. If I'd still love her like I did before I would marry her tomorrow.

Unfortunately my feelings for her never got back on the same level like they were before, not even close. I still love her pretty much but it isn't the same love as it was before. I know that her feelings also aren't the same as before our bad times, though she always tells me that she loves me like on the first day. But I can feel it. We are together for more than six years now, we can talk about everything, we really trust each other and a lot of people would consider what we have a perfect relationship. But I feel like she is my best friend, I don't love her anymore, I don't desire her anymore. If I look at her I don't feel anything. I feel empty.

Please understand that I am crying while writing this text, somewhere deep in my heart I still have very strong feelings for her. She is my soulmate, my one and everything, I want her to be happy for the rest of her life and it would kill me if I had to hurt her. But I have this growing feeling of wasting my youth, I am so much afraid of never being happy again like in the times when I met her. Often before I go to sleep I pray to god to give us back these feelings, but I know that it will never be again like that. She is so beautiful, so perfect, all 've ever been dreaming of but I am not happy anymore, I don't love her anymore and I feel so bad about that.

I am now 24 years old and I feel like I've reached my end, I got stuck at the point were my pink glasses broke. Everyday I feel so stupid, so angry about myself, I have wasted and broken the most beautiful relationship with my stupid jealousy. I really hate myself for that. Thoughts are struggling in my mind every day, should I break up and maybe never be happy again because I've lost the love of my life? Or should I stay together with here and maybe never be happy again because I didn't have the courage to start a new life and let everything behind me? This decision is stressing me for about three years now, every day. Please help me. I would give everything to feel such a deep love again.

In the past two years I started looking for other women, started flirting again, but I actually never had something serious with another woman. I don't know why I did that, maybe I was hoping that this would lead me somewhere, or maybe I just wanted to forget everything. Then yesterday I kissed another girl (god will judge me for that) but it felt so great. I felt desired again, I felt like a man, my libido got strong like years ago.

I tried to talk with her about that whole topic a few times in the past three years, but she only starts crying and tells me that she still loves me.