Hi, I made an account here and made this first post purely because I feel stuck and confused and I dont know what to do. I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends about what has happened, I have only told a friend small details and he was horrified and said my gf/ex is majorly in the wrong.
So about 14 months ago I met a girl I really liked. From the get go I told myself in my head i'm gonna treat her real good and not hurt her like i have to a girl in the past. Pair that with the fact that she told me how badly she had went into depression because of her ex of 5 years cheating on her and the fact she grew up with only one parent made me be extra careful about her feelings and how i treat her. She told me if she hadnt met me and if i wasnt the amazing saviour angel that i am etc she would still be suffering from very bad depression.
Anyway after a month or so she told me she really misses her ex and i have to help her get over him, it hurt me to hear that but i didnt tell her, i did my best to help her and gave her honest unbiased advice regarding him, being more like a best friend than a boyfriend. So about 2 months into our relationship, I had to temporarily relocate to a different city for 2 months. We were together but obviously long distance. She started talking to her ex again, and she somehow convinced me to give her permission to let them meet up as 'friends' she convinced my by saying she needs to to get over him and because of how much she is suffering by missing him etc. It obviously hurt me but I didnt want to add to her pain so i let her. A while later she started telling me she doesnt know who to be with, me or him, i did my best to convince her to be with me i told her how much ive helped her etc and i told her why would u wanna be with someone who made u suffer from depression and made u self harm and hurt u so much. I cant remember properly because this was like 11 months ago but for a few weeks we ended up in a situation that she is with both me and her ex at the same time, obviously her ex not knowing a thing. It became too much for me and i decided to break up with her, however she cried so much and said alot of emotional stuff and how much i mean to her, that i regretted breaking up with her and i went to her city the next day and we were back together, i cared for her and loved her so much i rather be her 2nd bf than not be with her at all.
So after a while, her ex moved to a different city for uni and i moved back to her city. she told me she is upset her ex has moved away and broke up with her ex, but is happy because she can be with me properly now and i was happy too. She also revealed to me that whilst i was in the other city, she slept with her ex but was really really sorry and would never do anything like that again. I forgave her just like that. A few weeks into this, she started talking to her ex again. Looking back, i cant believe i was such a doormat but she somehow convinced me to let her go see her ex. The reason i used to hang on was she constantly told me im better than her ex and i make her happy and i help her with the depression her ex caused and she thinks i am 'the one' etc so i used to just think ok she needs some time to get over her ex. Anyway she started seeing her ex as 'friends' again, whilst me and her were still together. Then that turned into actually seeing him as bf/gf but she had promised me they wouldnt do anything more than kiss and hug. All this time she used to talk to me more, see me more, tell me she loves me more. Also, throughout the time ive been with her, she has hurt me by comparing me to her ex and saying he is better at stuff, and then sometimes she says im the complete opposite and says im the best and most amazing person alive.
Anyway a few months later, her ex cheated on her. She came to me crying and absolutely distraught. During her crying she revealed to me she had sex with him and cant believe he still cheated on her. I obviously became angry and upset and she started having a go at me like 'stop being angry and upset why are u being like this, ur meant to be helping me' so i kept the pain inside and helped her get over him AGAIN and forgave her. We had a happy few months, until she started talking to him and seeing him again. This time i was so used to the pain i began to kind of not care about our relationship which led to arguments and what not. She was fed up of me not showing an effort that she tried to break up with me, i got very emotional and told her we cant break up and i will change, and i wanna be with her even if she is with him as long as they do nothing sexual (i regret that now, i should of let her break up). Anyway fast forward it to recent/current times and she is back with her ex. We argue alot and i dont show alot of effort. Yesterday i broke up with her and said i wanna be treated like someones 'the one' and i want to be loved properly and i mentioned my exes name who i havent had contact with for years and i said i want someone to love me like my ex does and not hurt me like she wouldnt of. After i said this to my gf she told me ive never hurt her so much and she is extremely hurt and heart broken and cant believe i did this etc. I broke up with her because in my mind i thought i would get back with my ex, i started talking to my ex and she said she needs time. I know i can get back with my ex eventually. But i am having second thoughts. I feel really bad about breaking up with my gf and hurting her. I dont know what to do
Any advice please
