A rollercoaster ride i will never forget, i feel like its true love, why is it hard?
Hey everyone, just warning that this story is gonna be pretty decent in length but im going to try and summarize it as much as possible.
I met this girl just a little over 2 years ago at a party and we got together and never looked back. She is AMAZING, her life is a train wreck but as a person, she is literally the SWEETEST and most caring girl i have ever met. Shes 19 and she lost her mom at the age of 14, and she practically never had a dad cuz hes a bum. She lives with her grandmother and uncle and studies and works for a living and pays her own bills and stuff. Shes crazy, outgoing, suuuuuuuper jealous which is cute but it can hurt at times. we dated for over 1 year and 8 months up until Oct 2014. Oct 2014 is when things started getting out of hand. I run businesses with my family and in october we opened a restaurant. We have 2 COMPLETELY different lives as you can see, I am a daddy's boy and run business, work long hours every day, have big goals in my life, want to be a millionaire and shes a loving, caring person who wants to be someone in life studying something in college but always looking for love and enjoying the important moments in life and not having money as a complete priority as I have. I broke up with my gf at the time not wanting too because I wouldn't be able to give her half the attention i was giving her before the restaurant. I felt that it would be easier being single at the time to run the business but i never lost a single step in my feelings for the girl. fast forward a bit into December and January we started talking again, missing eachother, wanting to get back and i told her lets get back. this would happen multiple times, why? because when we got back after a week, 2,3 or so we would argue about things like promises i would make and wasn't able to do, attitudes that she didnt like ( never cheated on her or anything), jealousy over the restaurant, work times because of attention(i would leave the place at 1 in the morning everyday and she wanted to be with me but it was tough). We have been going off and on this roller coaster ride since then and 3 weeks ago she said it was the last time she would try because I wouldnt get my act straight.
Act straight? what possibly could go more wrong? I have always been a positive laidback kinda guy, i wouldnt worry about things or what people thing or the results of my actions on myself. and since the restaurant opened it got worse and worse. I havent been to the doctor in over a year and i have hurt myself multiple time in physical activities(gym, mma). Also I need to take other checkup exams that I havent been doing regularly. I had been careless and lost my american passport. My grades in college have dropped almost in half and im supposed to be graduating this year! Im having a hard time passing the semester. Even at work im not organized. I lose focus, concentration a lot of the time. I am passionate at everything that I do, my relationship, my work.. but after a while it seems like i just slip up. forget to do things at work, forget to do things with my gf, forget to tell her stuff, etc etc etc....My sleeping patterns are literally horrendous, i sleep at least 1 in the morning every night and i am supposed to wake up as early as possible for work but never do and i am ALWAYS tired which makes me thing that its a good reason why i just forget my daily activities and responsibilities. I also am addicted to my cellphone which is also distracting me. I also am driving without a license because I am not following up on the renewal of my license ( its renewed but i didn't check if it got sent to me yet) There are many more things that I am a loose canon about but I cant think of them all at the moment. IN OTHER WORDS, IM JUST BEING CARELESS ABOUT EVERYTHING, and i dont know why. this kept hurting my GF in the long run because she ALWAYS, ALWAYS , ALWAYS warned me about this lifestyle, about my actions, about hurting her and making her sad, about protecting us, about everything. Weve always broke up wanting to come back but she would believe in my words less and less that I would change. because every time I would say that I would straighten up, I start well then slip up again. It pisses the hell out of me. Until this last breakup about 10 days ago, she said it was the last time. I couldn't believe what was going on. Im lost. We talked about the situation, Im still talking to her till today, she keeps saying that she had warned me for the things that i was doing, that i would never listen and that theirs only 1 way to resolve it. just literally straighten the hell up. during a conversation the other day I told her that im crazy for thinking that im going to straighten my shit up once and for all and that i will do it and i will go back to her and she will accept me again and we will live happy. She responded "well in that case im crazy too" so since then I decided FOR MYSELF and my feelings that i gotta get this out of my system, BAD HABITS and carelessness, for me so I can get outta this abyss of garbage which is my life.
So heres what I cam up with: I told her im going to resolve this and be a man about my life, my habits, and my responsibilities with the world that I live with. she says shes tired and doesnt believe me and actions need to be taken. both me and her know its not a 1 week resolution but I think I got the idea right. What Im doing is that Im taking action. just thinking about TAKING ACTION. in the last 2 days i had studied for tests that I took in college and feel good about them, I have made and appointment and went to a doctor about my shoulder and Im already going to have to take an injection and do exams on my ligaments. On Wednesday I have an appointment with a psychologist to talk to him about this whole situation and WHY am i like this, why i am an optimistic person in life, always think positive in any situation anywhere and at any time, however when push comes to shove, i lose focus, i dont do my responsibilities with my gf and the rest of my life. Why am I careless and lazy about things. I want to read a book about habits called "the power of habits" That i have had sitting in my house for over a year. I want to renew myself into adulthood and take head on full responsibility and making everything work. I have no doubt in my mind I love businesses, I am an entrepreneur, i can handle it and I love this girl!
Now here comes the curve ball, my parents, friends and brother dont really like her. They used to get along so well in the beginning and middle of our relationship. my mother even wanted to adopt the girl as a daughter, thats how close she was with my mom! Why this happend you ask? Well In my personal analysis of the situation, toward the end of the relationship, we were arguing alot about stupid things, her jealousy with my work was bothering her and we couldnt reach common ground. She thought that my brothers GF did something bad to us and she doesn't take the blame for it. And as things were happening I would lie to my family and friends about certain situations making her look bad and just not tell the truth. Now me and my ex are willing to go back and try to get the family reunited with her again and stuff but its not happening now cuz we arent together(broken up for over a week and she said it was the last straw). And when i mention the situation to anyone close to me, no one believes it, no one believes i should get back but I think they have a certain misconception because up until before we broke up, everyone was friends and when we started the mayhem rollercoaster of getting back and breaking up multiple times, I would cry, she would cry and everyone would see our suffering. I see that she cares about me because she still talks to me about the subject, she tries to help, we discuss things.
In the end, im optimistic, i think I can save this, I will renew myself and get her back to believe in me again that I am ready for a serious relationship because she says she only wants to get back to think about the future with me, get married, have kids and move on. I told her I want this also! but she doesnt want to believe me again only for me to fail again and for her to suffer and be sad.
What should I do guys? am i on the right path? I cant wait to tell this to my psychologist tomorrow to see if he can untie this knot!
