Can we be friends, or is he trying to take advantage of me?
Hi guys. Just found this forum, thought I'd post here to try and get some advice. Thanks in advance for reading if you do.
As mentioned in the title, my ex boyfriend has reached out to me via Facebook. It's been a little over 6 months since our last very brief conversation, and about a year since we broke up. Some background:
In my last year of high school, I met him online (casual chat website). It was by chance that we clicked really well and became good friends very quickly. We Skyped constantly, talked about nearly everything, and eventually developed feelings for each other. This was unfortunate because of the fact that he was so far away (2,000 miles - literally halfway across the world). Due to the distance and the fact that we were both about to start college, we both agreed that it was best that we just remained friends.
Well, that didn't work out for very long. Despite the complications, we decided that we really cared about each other a lot, and would try to make it work, because it was worth a shot. The next year was a reckless and blissful time in which each of us were incredibly stupid and spent all of our college savings on trips to see each other. He came over here first (so that my parents could meet him and verify that he was indeed, not a serial killer), then I went over there, we even flew to a couple of other countries together. It was like something out of a Lifetime movie.
And then, suddenly, we were out of money. Oops. Reality hit hard, and we realized that especially since we were now both in school, we probably won't be able to see each other for another couple of years at least. A few months after our last trip together, we both realized how stupid we'd been and decided it wasn't fair to each other to continue the relationship when it would be god-knows how long before we would actually be able to be practical and healthy about it.
This was heartbreaking in itself, but what was more heartbreaking was the way it happened. Basically, when he realized that we wouldn't be able to see each other again, he became extremely distant from me. Rather than talk out our problems like adults, he refused to answer my calls and texts or give any explanation as to why he was avoiding me. This went on for about a month, of me leaving him sobbing, blubbering voicemails begging for him to say something to me, and him returning with cold neglect. When I finally got ahold of him on a Skype call, he talked about how he had spent the last month attempting to desensitize his feelings towards me. He had always previously been so romantic and loving towards me; it was unsettling and heartbreaking to see him suddenly so cold and indifferent about our relationship.
This was a year and a few months ago. Since then, we have had a couple of brief phone calls, where he sincerely apologized for his behavior and we both got a little bit of closure. Jump to a couple of days ago - he reached out to me via Facebook. He said that he wanted to try really hard to be friends, that he missed me and that we won't make the same mistakes this time, we will strictly be friends. I am not sure if I am okay with this.
He has a new girlfriend now, and I am wondering if she knows/how she would take it if she knew we were talking. I also still have very strong feelings for him, and I find it hard to imagine that he does not also still have some feelings for me. I am also afraid of getting heartbroken again. He seemed to detach from me so easily and suddenly when we broke up - what if the same thing happens again? Will we get too involved in each other's lives, and then he'll suddenly cut me off as he did before?
My friends also don't like him anymore since he was so cruel to me for that month before we broke up. A couple of my friends are convinced that he was just using me for a thrill, but I'm not so sure that's the case. I think he really did care about me, but maybe I'm blinded by infatuation.
I'm not sure what to do. Just thinking about the whole thing makes my head spin and gives me bouts of anxiety. I have never in my life felt so strongly for someone, and it has taken me a long time to accept the fact that I may never see him again. I don't want to give myself false hope, but I also don't want to throw away the possibility of kindling a friendship.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm sure I left some things out but this is already becoming a huge wall of text, so I will just leave it as it is for now. Thanks in advance for anyone who cares enough about a stranger to actually take the time to read this.
