Broke Up Twice... Wth Is Going On :/

Hey people, I was here probably... a fortnight ago, here's the old thread which I'm unfortunately having to continue from:

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?t=9322&page=1&pp=15[/url]

Basicaly, after we got back together again, I think it was actually a mix of:
- Her Convincing Me and
- Serious guilt and shame for doing it to her (breaking up)

Anyway, my problems continue... after we got back together again, I said... you know what, I'm not sure what has happened cause it's messy *thinks...*

Okay, I think I have it, when we broke up the first time, we got back together the next day, but we both understood that I wasn't sure of my feelings still... so she was happy to let it go on for as long as neccessary till I figured it out. A few days ago I thought I figured it out, but I actually hadn't.... don't ask, too much to go into. Although I only just told her this, this morning... so I have been concealing my doubts for a few days till I was sure.

SO, now I am insisting that I won't get ahead of myself, and allow myself to be *convinced* by her, that I love her and all that yada, and I'm determined to stay friends with her...

But to my frustration (atleast... I think frustration), she managed to turn the tables AGAIN. After I told her she is really annoying cause she keeps SMSing me, and creating all sorts of stupid problems over the net, we finaly concluded earlier (which I think I can agree with) the Internet is screwing us up. She is friggin annoying when she texts, and when she talks to me online sometimes, BUT... for the whole 3 weeks I have visited her so far she has never ONCE been annoying.

So... what do you think?

I mean, yesterday I was really excited about getting in contact with an old friend (a girl, who I had a large crush on) from secondary school, and getting back together with her... I even when to extraordinary lengths to try and find her address to send her a letter (letters ain't my thing either). I was kinda looking forward to being with her again...

It's wrong to cheat, and I don't plan to... it's just... even if Internet is the problem; Amandine (my French friend who I have been talking about all this time) won't be finishing all her studies for like atleast 2 years... where (even if she didn't love me), she is actually coming to England to be a teacher.

What? Do I wait 2 years to finaly have a loving relationship that can work? Oh wait, that's stupid, because we are ONLY speculating with some ugly evidence that the Internet is the problem at all (although the evidence is sort of convincing...)

I mean, I was planning to make my life trouble free and interesting again by leaving Amandine (hey, I'm still being supportive and want to remain friends with her!) and meet up with my old friend from school... who I sort of consider a perfect partner for me... damn we got along well, I always regret not asking her to dance at the prom :/ Or asking her on a date after Science class finished >_< Don't no one try and bring fate into this!

ANYWAY, I think I'm ranting, but I think it is all relevant somehow... I hope this isn't as bad as my last thread, I sure do say a whole load of ****, but hopefuly I'm giving you the big picture...

Do I wait 2 years for a relationship that might work? Or continue to insist that we are just friends, although the possibility of love with her exists?
She is very persistant, says I'm the only one and all that yada.... I dunno if I should hold out for her...

Hopefuly the previous paragraph summed it up! Thank you SO MUCH again for reading this thread, even if you don't reply (or understand)... I appreciate your thought for me :/ No sarcasm present.

Yours,
Ruro

For the record, I havn't found the other girls address yet, but I WAS planning on going down to the school and trying to *dig it up*... but Amandine is "destroying" that plan, I'm not sure if I like the idea or not, I guess I just want to be happy with someone :/ Or be trouble free... too many frigign troubles... ~_~

EDIT: Holy christ... I just thought of something which I can't BELIEVE never struck me, the girl I'm trying to get in contact with could have a boyfriend by now anyway... I bet I sound really selfish, but I remember we were great together (imo) and I would give anything to have days like that again with her... except I wouldn't destroy her relationship for it of course! Perhaps we should leave Laura out of this and focus on Amandine :/ God I am a mess

EDIT AGAIN: Please don't leave me all alone on this one >_< I beg of you! I hope someone can help me...

Hm. So right now you're blaming your contact through the internet as the problem? What will it turn to next? Friends being the problem? Your interests? What you had for supper last night?

Basicaly, after we got back together again, I think it was actually a mix of:
- Her Convincing Me and
- Serious guilt and shame for doing it to her (breaking up)

Nothing to do with you actually wanting to?

Is it me, or is there something seriously wrong here?

Never mind... thank you for your help though :) Things were a mess, but we have been talking since this morning again as well (very civilised might I add), and my good college buddy was a great help as well, everything... is pretty much sorted, everything has been struck down to a single question:

Do I want to wait like 3+ years for her to come to England, to then continue the relationship...

It will certainly take some thought, but whatever the decision I know we will both recover. Bizarely enough she says she can't, but even more bizarely, she had a boyfriend before me as well, yet she let go of him, so either I'm a complete twat or she is just desperate to not lose me :/

Thanks for your help and time!

Ruro

Long distance is pretty darn hard, that's for sure.