In a strange position

hell, ive jumped into things again at the deepend, woops.

after having just finished with my girlfriend, it has become very apparent its not going to end here, wether it takes a few weeks to completely cool off, or its going to kick off again, i dont know. its all very bizzare to me.

heres the story, we finished over the phone basicly, she had told her friends that she had finished with me, when i was on the understanding we were on a break, and well, i rang her and she was out with her friends when i asked her why she has been saying this. she said its true. so well, she hadent told me until then, but if thats how it is, thats what i'll have to deal with.

since then, weve been talking on msn, sms, etc. she sent me a message the other night explaining how she felt she needed me there, and that she couldn't stop thinking about me (is this because she hasent got over me, because she still loves me?, i dont know). anyway, this got me a bit annoyed, because i just wanted to forget about things to be honest.

today she was talking to me again like she used to, and she said she still has feelings for me but dosent think a relationship could work as the feelings arent as strong. for once i feel i understand what she is saying, but this dosent at all make it easy for me, what does this mean? that she DOES want a relationship but is scared? or maybe she is just rubbing in the fact we will never be together?

anyway, i thought i'd try and explain to her a few things about why i think all this has happened, maybe help her see sense, seeing as the main reason i believe we split up was because she got very attatched to her friend, who is a well known 'slut' and lost all her friends for turning like this. i told sam (my x now) about how i felt this had affected things, she came on msn and i proceeded to tell her more things, like how the college break had made us see to much of eachother etc etc.

i asked her to think about this, long and hard. but i dont know if i'll get a response, i dont know if it will change things. she says how upset she was that i said nasty things to her, which i apologized deeply for. i dont know whats going to happen now between us. i dont really know if i want her back, and who says if she wants me back she isn't going to be this 'changed person' who hangs around with her slutty friend drinking alcahol with strange people?

there is another part of the dilemma now, my x girlfriend has heard about the break up and has called me, spoken to me via sms. i admit i have been a bit too flirty because i thought it might help me get over sam. so now this girl is really looking forward to seeing me, but i dont know exactly what i want now, or what to do.

i get scared waiting, and paranoid.

any help is much appreciated,
spike

Hi cheazypeaz

"but i dont know exactly what i want now, or what to do."

Yeh. I think this is your main problem. You can't really make any productive steps from here without knowing the answer to the above. You have to commit yourself to one thing to see the other things go away.

You don't really have a lot of options here. You really have two exs here with whom you are confused about pursuing things futher? Relationships end for a reason therefore it will be a case of a lot of regurgiation of past problems to really get back into one or the other. The third option you have is to start from a new slate by finding someone else. However, out of this three options you really have to pick one and not a combination to avoid problems. For that to happen you will really have to "Know yourself" and what you yourself want.

Hope above helps!!! :)

Thanks, i guess that helps, but i still dont know what i want simply as i dont know whats best for me, i'd like to get back with sam, forget the past, and stuff, but then again i dont know if that would be so easy.

Going with my other x would be an option, although i really dont know if she is who i want, i dont have many feelings for her, but maybe thats just because its not been long ive broken up with sam.

as for completely forgetting the pair of them, i dont know.

does anyone know whats best for me?

thanks,
spike

Considering how unsure you are of going with either of them, I'd personally guess that you'd be better off with option 3. Find a new girl.

Going out with exes only drags up past conflicts, and as said above, relationships end for a reason.

Right now you're probably a bit confused, and missing the whole relationship thing. You should back away and cool it for a bit. Work out exactly what you want. Don't jump into anything with your exes unless you're 100% sure, otherwise you'll be hurting them as well as yourself (and thats *bad*).

Plenty more fish in the sea. Forget these two sardines, you have bigger fish to fry. :D

well, sam seems like she wants to talk to me, she randomly phoned me earliar and asked what i was up to etc, asked how i was feeling (another motorcycle injury) and she said she would give me a ring when she got home. which she did.

she had been drinking again, when she mentioned the fact she had been going out and drinking pretty much every night for 2 weeks, i said and dont you think that might have something to do with whats happened between us, she said no, its because you were nasty. i explained that i am not nasty for no reason and maybe she should think about how she may have provoked it. she changed subject.

i then asked her if she wanted to go out somwhere with me, she didn't say no, but she didn't say yes, she said she would text me tommorow and let me know. i dont really know whats going to happen now so i'll try and go with the flow.

any advice on what to do and what not to do, i dont really want to piss her off. i'd like to make it a good time, give her a chance to see what she's been missing, and possibly let her think about how she is taking the wrong path in life.

thanks,
spike