Currently in a relationship & I'm rotting inside due to the past
Hello everyone. I truly need some advice. I'm almost 27 years old & I have known my girlfriend or soon to be fiance since I was 18 years old. We have been on and off up until about last year. She was always the one that has left & came back & I have always accepted her back because I find myself in love and too kind at times. I'm very sad & I don't want to bring it up to her because I know it will go south, but when she was about 20 we attempted to have sex several times and I just couldn't get it all the way inside of her because she was in pain. I made her bleed and she texted me that night saying thanks i wiped blood meaning I was her first and took away her virginity. Again she decided to leave me for a while and she met a guy from her work that was engaged and I don't know what came across her, but she started hanging out with him for about 4-5 months and they ended up having sex "1 time" according to her and he made her bleed more then usual. I'm very upset because she comes from a family where her dad would cheat on the mother a lot and I was never expecting her to be such a home wrecker. NONE of her friends supported her for hanging out with a guy that was engaged, but after she felt bad and disgusted of herself for doing such a home wrecking move she decided to come back into my life a few years ago & she felt very comfortable telling me the story.... I was shocked and very heart broken, but I had to play a poker face. I asked her "wasn't I the one that took away your virginity?" and she said "no it was him because he made me bleed more." Shortly after that she left me again and came back into my life last year and everything has been going well. She really shows her love now, but I am so disgusted of her past just by the fact that she slept with someone engaged because I would never do such a thing. I have lost nights of sleep, I'm rotting inside because of this disgusting move she made a few years back and she claimed to be young & dumb and that she regret what she did and lost sleep over it because of how disgusted she was with herself. I don't think young & dumb is the right term because any normal girl would understand not to play with fire especially when someone is ENGAGED. I really need help I tried talking to a few close friends, but it just doesn't seem right and I can't move on without remember any of this. I'm really hurt by the fact that she slept with a guy engaged & claimed he took away her virginity when clearly it was me at first. She does show her love for me & she has brought me around her family a lot and everyone likes me, but how can I put a ring on her finger when I can't get over this situation. Keep in mind that this happen about 4 years ago. She even confessed to her mom about he situation and her mom was very upset because I'm sure she got flashbacks to her ex husband cheating on her all the time. I really don't know what to do Its been years that this has been bothering me and I just can't move on...
