Please please please help !

I am a twenty year old girl who has been in a long term relationship with a boyfriend for about three years. He actually dumped me on Monday but I need to gain some perspective on the situation. The first year like most people can relate to , was nothing short of wonderful. i wasn't initially attracted to him but decided to give him a chance because he seemed nice to me. When I went off to college he came to see me often for the first year but at the start of my second year he became busier than usual and stopped putting in as much effort. I vocalized my concern to him and he responded by breaking up with me and not coming to see me further. He would break up with me weekly and monthly only to call a few days later and apoligize , I took him back each time. I had sense that the four-five months that he was doing this that something deeper was going on. He started having a complete disregard for my feelings and got very comfertable with seeing me cry and would have no reaction. A few months later, I found out that he was cheating on me with some girl that he had met on a dating site. They were speaking, sending nudes, saying I love you all of those months that he was with me and breaking up with me. When she moved out to where we live is when they took their relationship physical and had sex multiple times. when I found out about it , he begged me for a second chance and broke things off with her. I knew that I shouldn't have been in the relationship but I grew very confused. We stayed together except he kept breaking up with me on and off every time I mentioned him cheating on me. He blamed me for the cheating and said I was annoying and told me that I needed to get over it or else he was going to break up with me. For a long time I needed to hide my feelings from him because I still felt really hurt about it. I kept taking him back every time he would break things off and things just got worse. He began to tell me that he doesn't care about me and that if I was to walk then he wouldn't care and he would find someone else. I have tried everything to make him happy ! I pay for most of the things we do in the relationship and always put in the most effort. He broke up with me recently because I made him a pasta dish while he was sleeping and when I brought it to him I thought he should have said Thank you but he didn't. I pressed the issue because I thought it was rude in which he responded that he feels like hes being forced into being in a relationship and the only reason he is in it is to make me happy which is complete B.S. to me since he is always the one that comes back and contacts me first. He tried to change his decision last minute and said that he would continue to be in the relationship with me to make me happy. I told him to stick to his decision and I ended up just blocking his number. It was really exhausting begging him and being blamed for everything in the relationship. He said I complained about him too much but I think I was just vocalizing what I didn't like and what I wanted to change since he was so disrespectful to me. I feel like walking away was the best decision because it's not like me to beg a man to stay with me but at the same time I feel super confused and sometimes feel like I was in the wrong or like I am crazy. There have been a lot of people who have told me that I was being emotionally abused and that is why I feel like everything is my fault but I am not sure. He also ended up calling a few days ago from an unknown number just to tell me what he was doing in his life which was really weird. My parents told me that it seemed like he called to just mess with my head. Anyways talking to him took me back to step one and I had to start no contact all over again! I spoke to him another time after that and he just hung up in my face while I was talking because he said he was picking up his friend. He told me that he would always love me and that he would never get rid of my email and contact info no matter how much I ask. I feel like he is just trying to keep that door open for when he is ready for our relationship. After we got off the phone I was so in shambles and felt so out of control that I decided to change my number and delete both of my emails. I have tried to change my number with him in the past after he cheated but he would always email me to call him and I would get weak and do so. I also deleted all forms of social media so he has absolutely no way of contacting me again. I know it is selfish and stupid but there is apart of me that wants him to get some kind of karma for everything that he has done to me. I want him to realize that he lost something good. I feel like he never took what I said seriously because I never did anything about what I wanted. My parents keep telling me that he will end up calling again because if he was really done with me and the possibility of a relationship he wouldn't need to keep doors open to me, and that when he cannot get a hold of me anymore he will begin to start freaking out but I am really unsure about this happening. I love him so much and although I wanted to work things out , I feel like by the time he realizes what he has lost it would be too late and I would be over it. I didn't really want to cut off all communication with him in that way because I do always want to be there for him but I am so tired of being treated like an option and not having any control that I needed too. He told me that he is not choosing to feel badly about our relationship and sort of ignoring his emotions which I feel is stupid because I am the only one seriously hurting right now. If you can just give me some insight on my situation.Encouraging words would be really helpful right now . Thank you!

Omg. I want to slap you and tell you that you deserve better. I think you should be the one who's breaking up with this sorry S.O.B. He's the one who is doing you wrong and blaming you for his actions. Yes I do think he's abusing you emotionally and you are very blind with love for this guy to see it.

And you are not selfish for cutting contact with him. Keep doing what you are doing with the no contact. You seem like a sweet person, I really do hope you never take him back and find yourself someone who really cares for you.

I'm a little sensitive with this because I know people who's been through the same thing. Years of mental and physical abuse. The physical part comes after a few years of mental abuse. Sorry, fogiven, and back to the same cycle.