In love with best friend...and thinking of how to tell him. Please help!
Hello all!
My name, for all purposes here, is Tinúviel. I'm an 18 year old girl living in Mexico. (Yes, I speak both English and Spanish, as well as a bit of Romanian, Sindarin, Quenya and Italian. I enjoy learning languages, reading, writing, drawing, learning all the lore of Tolkien's Middle-Earth and the world of Sherlock Holmes, keeping and breeding fish, and playing videogames. But, now you know this, enough about me.)
I'm here because I need some help and advice. In the past, my mother and I were close enough for me to be able to discuss anything with her, but she's changed, and I'm afraid she no longer enjoys even seeing me most of the time. She tells my father everything I do and say, and no longer has any time for me. So I've decided to turn here, especially as my best friend does not speak English and there's literally zero chance he'll ever see this and recognize himself.
My first job was my dream job, at a pet store. (Bear with me, please. I promise it's related to my story.) I loved the work even though it was badly paid and, of all the employees, only one did any work, and she and I had to do all the unpleasant jobs while the men wasted time about the computer, watching YouTube videos. I loved the close contact with the animals, and the customers seemed to like me. I got over most of my shyness in that job, and the bosses, though a little changeable (and more than a little), seemed to appreciate my work though they drove me harder even than all the others who did nothing. But then my friend, the other girl who worked there (I'll call her Níniel), got sent to the other store to replace a guy who'd left, and my male co-workers just weren't to be trusted. I didn't fight with them or even let on that I knew about their activities, and I still did most of their work for them to keep the store running smoothly and the animals healthy and happy, but they would bad-mouth me to the store owner and the veterinarian every chance they got, and I no longer felt happy working with them. I began to think of leaving the pet store and finding a better paid, if less alluring, job, using my language skills to land a better position and hopefully save enough money for my dream of studying the university abroad. All the workload had fallen on my shoulders, and I felt lonely and taken advantage of... that is, until "Beren" showed up.
Knowing my love of aquatic life, my boss had told me someone would be coming to teach me and a co-worker about fish. I got very excited, but I was expecting an older person who'd come to give us a sort of class, not the person who actually showed up. Truth to tell, as he was the replacement of Níniel and of the same gender as the lazy workers, I was not very happy to see this scrawny boy of typical Mexican appearance with large sad eyes and a quiet voice. But, wanting to give him a fair chance, I walked up to introduce myself.
I came up behind him. He was standing talking to a customer about the betta fish we had on display. What was my surprise when I realized that he actually knew what he was talking about! I waited excitedly until he finished with the customer, then I walked right up to him and said without preamble, "Hey, are you the fish expert?"
The way he jumped! Well, not literally. I mean, he didn't jump like he was scared or anything. But he seemed really nervous and eager to please, reminding me almost of a finch. He nodded yes almost before I'd even finished the question, but said only "Mm-hmm." I shook hands with him and asked him what his name was, and he told me. As it's a rather unusual, Biblical name I'd never heard before, I had to ask him to repeat it several times until I got it right; then I decided to 'test' him, asking him several questions about fish. I found out that he really did know a good deal, but that his knowledge was more practical, whereas mine was more technical, based more on research than actual experience. I was very excited to finally find someone else who could tell a guppy from a molly and who didn't give me a blank stare when I talked about Nitrobacter and the effects of water parameters on the bodies of fish. Nonetheless, being naturally shy, I hung back a bit from him at first and just kept an eye on him while he worked. And man, did he work! He was everywhere at once. I'd thought I was a good worker, but looking at him, I realized I needed to step up my game!
Nonetheless, it wasn't until two days or so later that we really began to bond. My shift had ended and I was hanging out in the back of the store, as was my wont. That particular day, I was busy filling out a scholarship application to finish my last semester of high school, and he came in back and asked what I was doing, and if he could help.
I thought this very unusual. How could he, a complete stranger, hope to help me fill out a scholarship application form? I was like, "Uhh, no thanks," and asked him what he was doing. He said, "I'm on my lunch break, and I'd like to be doing something productive."
I shot him a double take. "So why don't you eat?"
His response wrung my heart. He gave a little laugh and hung his head. "It's just that I don't have money to buy something to eat."
I can't stand to see a harmless creature suffering, be it man or beast; and I know that, with few exceptions, a man is the most gluttonous creature alive, haha...and my mother has always drummed into my head the importance of not missing meals. I'd already eaten most of my lunch and wasn't very hungry anymore, and I still had a green apple left--not much, but I gave it to him. He was at first reluctant to take it. I could see he was embarrassed and kept asking me whether I was sure and saying he didn't want to take my food, but I told him I'd eaten already and he shouldn't go without food. In the end, hunger won, and he accepted the apple.
Before eating it, though, he thanked me profusely, saying he'd never forget my giving him the apple. I blew it off, saying it was only logical he should have it because I wasn't hungry anymore, and he took a photo of the apple, because, as he said, he would always keep what people gave him, but as he would eat the apple he would at least keep a photo of it. Then he posted it as his WhatsApp profile photo, and I realized there was more of me than of the apple in that photograph, the sneaky little guy! though I said nothing to him about it when he showed me. :p From that time, we began to chat a lot, and he told me a lot about himself: that his mother was dead and his father had left him, and that he had come from another city to find work, with his younger brother in tow.
The next day, he asked me for my phone number, but I couldn't give it to him as I was working and didn't know it by heart. I told him to tell me later, and purposely "forgot" to remind him as I was leaving, just to see what he would do. He caught me before I left and asked me again, and of course I gave it to him, then went home.
The next day, when I saw him, he asked me why I hadn't sent him any messages. I told him he had my number and could message me, and asked him why he didn't if he wanted to talk. He said my contact didn't show up for him on WhatsApp, so I sent him the message, and he replied right away. Every day after that he would message me, usually on and off all day and all night long when we were off work. He'd tag along after me all through the store, asking if he could help me even with the smallest things, and praising the least thing I did. I was rather disconcerted because he seemed to find everything I did amazing, and he would say I was very intelligent and had a solution for everything.
The vet didn't like him at all; she was very cruel to him and would not let us speak even for five minutes (though I could spend literally a half hour chatting with any other of my co-workers and she'd even join in the chat.) At times, she'd say he did nothing; at other times she'd tell him he was like me and a very good worker but that when we were together we got nothing done (which wasn't true, as we worked together and thus finished much more quickly). She would make fun of the fact that he had no money to buy food. Nonetheless, he kept arriving earlier than he had to, just so he could help me open the store in the mornings... and although at the time I had literally zero romantic interest in him, I was quite glad of the company and the help. Once, when I accidentally knocked over and broke an expensive lamp, he helped me set all to rights before anyone else noticed anything was amiss. I was happy now and, for the moment, renounced all thought of leaving the pet store.
But then a lot of things happened. The owner rehired "Morgoth", a guy she'd fired for thieving, and he came swaggering in to work, openly claiming superiority over us all and claiming that he'd been brought back from Mexico City to raise sales because we were awful salesmen and he was "the best". Later I spoke to Níniel and she told me that he was lying; she'd been there when he was fired, and he was the one who'd begged to be taken back. Be that as it may be, however, he immediately gained the owner's favor, and he especially hated Beren because he saw the way he worked and how well the customers liked him, and also because Beren really knew about fish, while Morgoth only claimed to be knowledgeable on the subject of aquarism. Beren was trying to help Morgoth once, bringing him a box in which to sell some turtles, and Morgoth turned viciously on him, telling him to stay out of his sales. Beren has no fighting spirit at all, and he told Morgoth that we were supposed to be a team and that he wasn't trying to butt into his sales, but to help him. Morgoth, of course, refused to listen. He began to tell the owner all we ever did was talk, and because I was Beren's friend, he began to tell her that I kept making him do all my work, when I avoided even speaking to him after I asked him to use filtered water for the fish and he snapped at me to leave him alone.
We continued to find ways to hang out. I stayed late one day to help him clean out the back of the store, which hadn't been cleaned in over a year and was full of dirt, old kibbles and even an escaped rat. We worked hard together to clear everything out, throw out the garbage and clean the filth, all the while talking and singing together softly. Several days later, Morgoth cleaned it out again, and took all day about it; and the owner began telling me how we'd taken forever, being two together, and Morgoth had done it on his own in only one day. I pointed out that I'd stayed late to help, and that we'd begun late and finished in only a few hours; besides, we'd already done most of the heavy work before Morgoth started in on it again.
Despite his continually tormenting us, Beren and I hung out together. We did all of our work, of course, and even most of the others', but we spent all the time together that we could, and we were happy enough, I daresay. He went to my house once, because he was so eager to meet my parents, and alone among all my male friends he produced a good impression upon both. My mother even told him he might come when he wished.
Beren’s life didn’t get much easier even with my parents’ help added to my own. His brother got so sick he had to be taken away by an uncle, even though Beren would go out at 1AM when he got home from work to beg for food to give him. He began to say that I was his only family, and one time he even went so far as to tell me that my friendship had saved his life. He told me in a veiled way that he liked me but thought me too far above him.
I learned much about him in those days. I saw that he was a kind, caring and compassionate person, who even though he had nothing to eat himself would give whatever he had to any co-worker who had happened to forget his lunch, and would never refuse a favor to anyone but would do his best to help others even without being asked. He’s only a few months older than me, but his innocence reminds me of a young child, and it draws me to him irresistibly. He has a blind faith in the basic goodness of people that I shared as well, up until recently, and still struggle against because now I know that most people will hurt you if you give them your trust.
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Then one day Beren called me in the morning. He told me he was very sick, that he had a fever and had begun vomiting blood, and asked me anxiously whether he should come to work. I told him no, of course, and gave him the owner's phone number so he could tell her himself. He sent her a message saying he was sick and couldn't come, and he'd bring a signed sheet from the doctor so she'd know he wasn't lying, but she messaged him and told him if he missed another day she'd fire him.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
PrincessKiara
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He began to ask me out to the movies. By that time, I was beginning to want to be with him more and more, but I would say I was busy because I knew he wouldn’t let me pay for the tickets, and I knew he had hardly enough money even to eat. And once, while he worked at McDonald’s and was Employee of the Month, I was walking through the plaza where it was and saw him and stopped to say hello. He rushed out to talk to me and it started to rain, but as there was a roof over us we stayed dry. I had been planning to walk dogs later, but as it was raining I´d decided to remain at the plaza for a while. And he told me he could give free coffee to his family because of his Employee of the Month status, “but you’re my only family here,” and he begged me to stay with him and have coffee.
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The rest of it's in the thread named Cont. Man, I'm embarrassed :(
