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I don't believe its fair to say I am insecure and need therapy because I don't like my man drooling over another woman.
Life isn't fair but you are insecure if photos and or live two dimensional images of other women cause you to want to break up your family.... and therapy would help you with any jealousy due to his two dimensional viewing.
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There are lots of women who are not okay with porn. Should our feelings just be disregarded and us made to feel like we are the problem just because society says so?
Yes! Otherwise, you will have a very hard time finding a man that you connect with that never views. Is the male society supposed to stop doing something that they've always done due to some (lots of?) women's insecurities? This isn't like he is replacing sex with you to masturbate to porn. It's more like your aversion to him viewing is causing your sex to dwindle which in turn will likely make him view even more so he can masturbate away his blue balls.
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I was always told that porn is not something he has ever been into, led to believe that it is not something he has indulged in more than a handfull of times.
and... you so not know that he is indulging in it more then a handful of times.
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His dishonesty led to these problems.
You have made it impossible for him to be honest with you because he knows what a shit storm being honest with you about it is going to cause.
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If he admitted it from the start then maybe I would not find it so difficult to accept now.
Sure you would. Don't fool yourself.
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And a part of me understands that it is unrealistic to never look at other women again. I just fear that this habit will lead him to cheat on me one day.
Porn is more likely to curtail any thoughts of cheating if you think about it.
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Porn makes people crave more variety
I don't know where you're getting your information from but porn will satisfy his need for variety by satisfying that need visually.
I'm not trying to make light of your concerns, I'm trying to alleviate them so that you can view things with a less threatening stance so that you can start to get an emotional connection back with your partner.
Therapy would help; personal for both of you and couples counselling.
Good luck.
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He never initiates sex with me ever
That is not because he watches porn. That is because it's who he is.
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How is it different?
Because generally men do not fantasize about the woman they are visualizing about. They don't think about her like you would be thinking about him.
Think about the last erotic novel you read. Did you fantasize about the guy in it or did you just get off reading about what the guy was doing and how you would react to that stimulation?