In love with a close friend who might break up with her current BF.
It's been about 2.5 years I've known this co-worker, she's been in a relationship with one of the managers working at our company for 4 years now.
We grew to like each-other enough to become very close friends and as time progressed we built a solid trust with one another.
I've fallen for her almost since day one, and she realized this some time ago that I have feelings for her. But I've never tried to do anything which would put her in a bad position, as much as I adore her, I've always respected her private intimate life. I've been to her place a few times and even hung out with her BF who is overall a very nice guy. I've told her already that I love her and I know for a fact she's heard it from other people, but it doesn't bother me. I want her to know how I feel about her but never gotten to the point where I discussed that subject.
I've gotten the ''i love you'' from her too, but I always interpreted that as a friendly comment more than anything else. Actually it happened once when she was sober, and she said the same thing once in the middle of the night after we left a work party and texted me that a few times while being a little drunk. My obvious response was ''I love you too !''
In the past year she's confided twice to me that she has problems with her current BF. She is 25 he is 40. She complained last year of his lack of intimacy and sex drive, felt that she didn't feel ''desired''. Later on she was talking how they were working out their relationship to the point where he sold his condo and moved in with her last summer.
We remained friends and she didn't bring up her BF up until yesterday. Where she said she neeeded to talk to me about something serious. She is considering leaving him. Lack of intimacy, lack of attention towards her (he is caught up with his current job and other projects). His irritability. The fact that they don't do anything together aside from going to the in-laws on weekends. She mentioned she felt abandoned, alone and also said he turned into a douche recently because he seems so focused on self-image. Something she didn't elbaorate too much on. And he does nothing around the house she feels like she's the maid.
She's basically seeking adivce at that point from a guy who she trusts but who is also madly in love with her. I focused on cliché things but it was still my real opinon that she is still young and has her whole life in front of her. That she deserves to be happy. She needs to listen to her heart. I also advised her to talk about it with her mother, since they are close and she knows him pretty well. Other than that I told her I'd always be there for her. But it's not in me to convince her to leave him, I want her to come to that decision herself.
In my position, I went from neutral status mentally and emotionally to one where I started to think about that situation a bit more than I should. Started fantisizing about us being together...happy ! I had grown to accept the fact that she was with him and I was cool with it, but my biggest fear is that when and if she does leave him, what if I'm not the guy. If that were to be true I would be devastated.
I don't treat her like any other friends. I'm often flirty with her and call her little nicknames. I also have a very active life where I do all sorts of different things. I also dated some girls during that time frame and would always talk to her about the girls I'd be seeing. My point being, despite being madly in love with her I never put myself in a position where I showed her I'm not doing anything with my life and desprately waiting for her. In other words, I don't think I ever came across as a needy guy.
My question is, at this point, should I just wait be supportive. Or should I take this oppurtunity and do something different. If so, what ?
Any type of input would be greatly appreciated !
