what do you think should i leave her alone.
Hi all, so I have this situation that I’m not quite sure how to read mostly because of the girl and her personality that I am interested in. I will do my best to explain the back story and break down things she has said and how I see them.
Right so I meet this girl over just over a year ago, in that year that I meet here we would exchange messages every so often may be a couple a month on and off. She was with someone for some of that time but they had split up and during this time she also had a death in the family. (I think this plays a part to later things.
Forward on to around August -September of 2015, we start messaging more, to the point where it becomes every day, I then find out that she is now single. I tried to arrange to meet but she had 2 holidays she was going on. The 1st meet was a bit of a random on the off chance, I was out she was out and I just offered her to meet me for a few more drinks with me and 2 of my friends she agreed. Nothing sexual happens that night but we do kiss, I find out that she was asking my friend if I like her and stuff but that’s all.
We go out on a couple of dates over the next few weeks nothing special, just drinks and dinners. But by now we are also engaging in sexual activities. She would come to mine and we would just chill out with wine. This would be 1 or 2 nights a week. Depending on if she had the kids or her time table.
I stress here, she has 2 kids and works as a trainee nurse, so her timings are all over the place with day and night shifts and kids to look after. The kids dad does take them over nights it would be these times when we meet.
Any way so I feel I’m at the point to as her out official, so I test the waters asking how she would feel about it this was over message. She pretty much says things are hectic with the kids and work, she feels that she would not have time for a partner.
Going by what she has said of her past partners (kids dad and 1 other after him) I think this is what put her off. They seemed to have been needy in the way that they expected things done and to be seen all the time could not understand her working/uni life style. She’s only been doing that for a year and a half.
I do explain that I understand that she has work and kids and they are things that are going to come 1st. in the end she does say she likes how things are now. I’m cool with it so things continue. I meet her kids, and I made it very clear I would not want to do that if things were not going in a set way as it not fair on the kids to have what could be different men coming in and out of the life.
We spend most of Christmas together, some round mine some round her with the kids as well. i get her a few girts, but I tried to do is get things that we have spoken about so everything was pretty much personalised, like a wine glass she saw that she really liked. She was very surprised as she said when she received them that that’s the sort of thing she likes. No one’s ever done that for her before.
Randomly on Friday this week she has sent a message to me saying what she has said before out of the blue about not being ready for a relationship, buy wanting to see me when she ready to see me which I have read as so don’t to and plan anything anymore, as the way it sands if I don’t make the plan then we prob will never meet. Being a text it’s hard to judge how it was meant to sound.
Either way after a few messages threw a wobbly and said I think im going to keep some distance, which she responded ok. Then I done the **** up message where emotions came out which she has not responded to. I can post this if needed,. This is now where I’m confused coz after thinking about it nothing has changed its still want it was. It just seemed random to me.
Now her personality is what’s really hard to judge. This is where I’m stumped because she gives nothing away emotionally. I believe that after her last 2 relationships its really closed her off to ever thing. She has said comments like she never wants to move in with another man. And she has told me things about her exs. Mostly the kids dad as that was a long one she was with and the one that’s coursed the damage from how she tells it she has never really forgiven him. One night we really did get into a deep conversation and a few things came out about the kids. You need to understand she really has hate deep in her bones for this guy, and I would question her why do you hate him why do you let this hate take over everything. Do you not think the hate your putting into him is course you not to move forward what are you getting from it etc. she went on to say she was ment to have had counselling but has never ever gone. Since that talk she now has counselling booked.
Other things would be that it always felt like me making the plans she would never suggest meeting or going anywhere. I questioned that in a way if that is how she is with every one she said it is her friends say it all the time which I can believe. There was even a running joke that between Friday to Sunday she does not make the choices it’s up to me. So on week days I would throw that back at her well it’s a weekday you have to make the choice. This would turn into me still deciding.
She can sometimes have not motivation to get up out of bed, whenever where together the next days she does not move, even at home she can be in bed and sleep for hours. Some times because of work but also she has said she can just be in a mood. We have days cancelled because she is just in a mood. I have also seen her arrange to go places but drop it because she don’t want to move. If at mine I have seen her do it.
I personal think she does not know how to judge me as she has not come across any one like me before, she has said to me before I’m different. I also think she is scare to try out something new. But the overall route I think is this hate which I really think is what brings here down.
She has said she does like me, and as time has gone on she has loosed up a bit, where we may have just sat on the sofa she will now put her feet on me, and lying in bed she will now rest her head on me and hold me.
So what do you guys think?
And how should I respond to Fridays messages? I have not since said anything…
