What to do when you think you love 2 guys?

I met a guy 5 years ago who I instantly clicked with. We shared a special bond, we understood each other perfectly. We dated for a few months but since I lived in another country I broke it off because I was young and I didn't want to be in a long distance relationship.

Then 2 years ago we met up again as I was back in town and it was like we were never apart. We decided to get back together and work through the long distance situation. He was my first love. Few months into that relationship there were issues and drama with his ex girlfriend which got resolved but few months later we had a small argument and he just out of nowhere broke up with me. I was so hurt and angry. I stopped talking to him.

One night I went out with some friends and got really drunk ended up kissing one of my friends, because I was lonely and wanted to get back at my ex, I kept seeing him and eventually we started dating. He's not my usual type, he was just convenient. He's a nice tall guy, but I was never till this day really physically attracted to him. He was there when I was hurting and he was a distraction. My ex and eventually talked about our break up a couple months later, and he told me he was scared and thought I would leave him like I did last time. He said he was sorry, but at the time I was still angry with him.

Weeks turned into months which turned into almost 2 years now dating my current boyfriend. I love him but right now I'm not sure if I'm in love with him. I'm back in my hometown visiting family and I bumped into my ex. We talked casually at first then it got more deep and we started talking about our relationship. Everytime I see my ex it's like all those butterfly feelings come back. When I hug him it feels so good and comforting, like it's meant to be. but when I think about the hurt he's caused me I start to get mad. My cousins don't seem to like him around me but when I ask why they just say "just because". But what's funny is that the same cousins that say this hang around him quite a lot like they're friends. I'm constantly asking why they don't like him and I don't get a straight answer. It makes no sense to me. When he speaks to me he always tells me how sorry he is and how much he regrets what he did and he looks sincere and genuine. He's always said till this day that he still loves me and always will.

I can't just leave my boyfriend because we live together and I'm not entirely sure if I want to. I know relationships have their ups and downs but I've never felt the way I have for my boyfriend they way I did my ex. I'm sensing my ex wants to get back with me cause he calls me everyday now, and constantly wants to make plans with me but I try my best to put them off. His friends pretty much know me as the "love of his life"

I feel so conflicted and have no idea what to do. My current boyfriend is the safe option, the one you marry and have kids with but its all so stale and predictable.

My ex and I are like best friends who love each other, and we always are drawn to each other even when we're apart. He's adventurous and spontaneous and fun like myself. It's never boring.

I know this was long but I really need some insight and advice from someone. my best friend absolutely hates my ex so I can never really talk to her about what's been happening recently.

Thanks in advance :)