Ghosting?

Is ghosting ever not ghosting? I met a guy and we went on a few amazing dates over a couple months this winter. Things were going great and though we live a few hundred miles apart, we were talking regularly and trying to see each other whenever we could (which admittedly wasn't much given we both had lots going on and big life changes in the works). Then, about a month after our last date, he said that while he liked me and was having fun, he was only about six months out of a serious and bad relationship and wasn't ready to really date again. I was okay with being casual and we agreed that things would continue mostly as they had been. But after a while he started to get distant and has mostly vanished now. He still responds if I text, but only with brief replies, and we still follow each other on social media and occasionally engage there. But we don't have the depth of conversation that we did before. I know from our conversations prior to this that he'd opened up a lot to me in the few months we were involved and that he is a very shy, anxious guy (28) who's dealing with a lot of personal baggage surrounding relationships and sex, and that he still got nervous with me on dates and was hesitant to make the first move to take things further, sexually, even after we'd discussed it a great deal (we're both writers, so we talked about everything A LOT).

Anyway, my question is, could his disappearance have more to do with him than me? And if I ask him to explain, do you think it will just push him away more, or will letting him know that I still have these feelings for him and want to make it work between us, whatever that may look like at the moment, make him come back?

To be perfectly honest with you, my gut reaction is his disappearance probably DOES have more to do with him than with you. To me, that isn't really the important question. Why? Because, in my book at least, it doesn't matter WHY he's started pulling away.... all that matters is he has. You should never have to convince somebody that you are worth being in their life. If he can't see value in moving forward with you, that is HIS loss, not yours.

Again, being perfectly honest, my advice to you would be NOT to ask him to explain or even bother to try to get things back on track. He's pulled away. You shouldn't have to chase after him. Especially not so early in the relationship. You deserve somebody who will be falling all over themselves to be with you. MAYBE he's telling the honest truth that he just doesn't feel ready for a relationship with ANYBODY right now, but whether or not that really is true shouldn't matter. You are ready for somebody now, he is not. Hell.... if a few months down the road he suddenly decides he IS ready and wants to try again with you.... AND you happen still to be single, you can certainly revisit it then if you want to do so.

But, don't wait around for him and also don't try to convince him you are worth keeping. You deserve somebody who will be excited to be with you, not somebody you have to basically convince to want to be with you.

Now, at the end of the day, you do have to do what feels right for you. So, if my advice really is not what would make you feel comfortable, then maybe you go ahead and talk to him. You have to do what is right for you. So, IF you do feel you need to go that route, I'd say just keep it simple. Don't bare your whole soul to him and tell him you are crazy about him and want to see where things will go or anything like that. Just, very matter of fact, tell him something along the lines of... "I understand how you are feeling. I think we've all been there. I don't mind us taking things slow, there's no pressure to rush into things. If we are both enjoying this for whatever it is right now, I just don't see any reason to end it. So, if you'd like, I'd be interested to continue to see where things go. Otherwise, if this just needs to be the end, then so be it."

Anyway, good luck to you either way.