10 years of an emotional affair - and now it's over

Hi,

I am trying to understand what is going on in my emotional life. I have a child with a man I've been together for 6 years but I must admit the relationship is complicated. I met him on a dating site and I was basically looking for a future dad of my child. And I never really fell in love with him and now I feel that all the love is over and I will never be able to feel anything again. He can be really cruel and I don't trust him on a deep level.
I am a language teacher and 10 years ago I started to teach a really nice man. Since his level is upper-intermediate we mostly had conversations and talked and talked. I always felt attracted to him but I knew he had a girlfriend (who later asked him to marry her and he did) and I didn't want to interfere. I knew he liked me too cos he would bring me gifts time to time, invite me to have a lesson in a cafe or also invited me for lunch. When I was pregnant and had problems with the father of my child, this student was always full of empathy, listened and was nice and caring. And very slowly I grew feelings for him. When my child was a baby, he sent me a link to a beautiful lullaby, and in the email subject it said "something for Peter and his mum". It was so sweet and full of emotion.
Later he sent me an email that he would like to come to my house for the lessons so I didn't have to go to his office now when I have a little baby. So he visited my home 2 times for lessons but I felt so attracted to him that I had to change it back to office lessons to remain a professional relationship. But my feelings for him kept growing. Last spring I sent him a message that I couldn't teach him for some time cos I have to babysitting. I did it just because I knew I can't handle teaching him cos I was already in love. I must say he always talked nicely about his wife... In fall we met again and he asked me whether we could have lessons again and I said probably not cos I would be teaching elsewhere full time and than he said that's a pity and that maybe we could see each other sometime just for a coffee. But than I kept teaching him and it was his Birthday and I gave him a gift and then it was my Birthday and he gave me quite expensive gift and invited me to a really expensive lunch. We were getting closer and closer but wouldn't admit it, we both still pretended we are nothing more than a teacher and a student.
But then I threw a coin asking - should I tell him what I feel? and the coin said "yes". So I sent him a message: "I like you" 4 days later he wanted to see me for a lesson and invited me for lunch. He was standing there with a pink rose and it was the most romantic moment of my life. We went for the lunch and spoke about everything. He said that meeting me had always been like a fairy tale for him, that he liked spending time with me and he had been dreaming of me. But that he would have never ever thought I could be interested in him (I am 13 years younger). So he asked me what the best solution of this would be for me and whether I wanted to stay with my boyfriend or not. I was confused and didn't know anything... We stared into each others eyes, the chemistry was going on, we held our hands and asked each other what were we going to to... he asked me whether I wanted to be lovers but immediately he said he wouldn't be able to say "I love you" to two women. And also he said he can't imagine going through a divorce once again (he did 15 years ago after 15 years of his first marriage). With the woman he is now they have no kids. He has 2 adult kids from the first marriage... So we decided to meet in 1 week time and solve it.
He invited me to a luxurious restaurant in a TV tower (which unfortunately I can see from everywhere now) and told me he decided to stay with his wife and that we wouldn't see each other again but he wants to say good bye with a smile in good terms. Which I accepted, said I respect him for the decision and he kissed my hand and we said goodbye. Also, he said: please, keep posting photos on Facebook, I would like to continue the dream there".
This happened 2 months ago. But I am still not healed, I miss him a lot after the 10 years and I obsessively was looking 5x a day on FB when he'd been there. He posted some photos from a holiday with his wife where they both seem happy. So yesterday, after 2 months I decided to unfriend him from Facebook. Mostly because I didn't want to become totally obsessed by constantly checking his profile and also, I was tempted to put some slightly provocative posts on my FB something like sexy pics of me of quotes about love and so on, which I did and couldn't help it.
So I just wanted to cut it off... even though I was secretly hoping he would miss me and contact me and want to start having lessons with me again... or at least see me time to time in a cafe just platonically. ... but now he's deleted from my FB and he'll probably never contact me again and I don't know how to get over it... it's been 10 years... do you think he is going to be hurt now when he finds out I deleted him? do you think he has feelings for me and misses me? or was it just a sexual dream for him? do you think he might contact me one day, saying at least happy Birthday? I know I sound desperate... and I think I am... but at least I cut off the communication channels...