What I lost

I can't tell my story without telling our story. I need to get it all out and I've not done it before. Please don't feel obligated to read it.

I was 10 years old and having trouble making friends. I had moved to a new school and knew no one. I met a little girl named jenny We never really started being friends, we just were friends. We spent all our weekends with one another at my house or hers. We played and explored the world as it is when your 10 years old. We would refuse to spend the night without each other on the weekends and during holidays and summer. Best friends and when you saw one of us you saw the other. shared everything.

Fast forward three years we are in the 7th grade we are 13 and still very close we're spending all our free time alone as her parents and mine still trust us as we are good kids. We start "exploring" ourselves and one another. Innocent type stuff. Just learning to be teenagers. on my 14th birthday I want to be her boyfriend and I ask her as much. We start dating but are still not doing anything. We decided to wait till we are ready and we fall in love. all through Jr. high and High school we graduate and spend our summer together learning how to be lovers. Grew even closer

Moved in together and that was nothing new. We had been together all those years. It;s wonderful were playing house and figuring out how to be adults. we're 21 now and spending a great deal of time working and school times are hard but it just makes us closer. we have our first big argument and we move past it quickly. We graduate and start our lives

She became a teacher her life long ambition I have trouble finding work in my field. We struggle again. Finally we i get my life going on the right track find a good job all is well.....were 25 and she starts talking babies. I'm not ready and it puts a wedge between us. We both start drinking pretty heavy and ignoring one another. A year later we decide a family is just what we always wanted to share our love with a little us. She lost the first baby and it destroyed her heart. i'm making it my fault and we start fighting all them time. We work on ourselves and we eventually decide we still want a family.

Our daughter is born on a cold December morning. Se made my friend whole again and turned me in to a daddy. I stay at home with the baby and she works. It made me feel like a looser and we would argue about it. It got bad and she left me all alone for the first time we were alone. I don't see or hear from her for four months

I'm a wreck shes a wreck, life is terrible. We reconcile min you we were never married we are just friends. We call one another husband.wife and It's good again we have another baby a son this time. WE go back to the same thing after only three years we are back to fighting and having hard feelings at one another.this goes on for three more years it would be good and seem like perfect and then It would be bad. Terrible even.

41 days ago she left me and took my kids away from me. She says"I can;t love you anymore" "we can't be lovers or a couple ever again". I'm devastated and she is too. But in her own way. She chooses to be as cold to me as possible. We have been speaking recently but I can tell T Its' over for her right now. I think It's been harder on me because she took more then love away. She took our friendship our family our hime not just the house but the idea of home. We were always family

I've lost my purpose in life and my place in it. We started out so young and we needed each other. I saved her life she pulled me out of the nightmare I was living in. And we had one another. I'm having a bad time seeing my self as a person, I've spent 21 years with one women making a life working towards one goal. Now that's over and i'm just lost'

I'm not wired this way, i'm a dad and a husband. I would never have cheated on her or left her alone. She was my friend and i believe she was "the one"I feel so guilty for not being able to make it work. I miss my friend and my lover and my partner. I walk around like a ghost. I'm sorry to lay all this on to you. I've just been holding it all in and pretty poorly. I've reached out a few times. I did more then love her. We had become family and now it's like that person has died and the person I was to her is dead. i pine for her and I don't know how to let her go. i'm still hoping she'll take me back someday.

i sit and I wait for that day. I know that's unhealthy but I owe her deep down in my heart I owe her everything I am. we had so much going for us and so many plans and we had finally gotten to a place where we could start making big things happen. i'm sorry to vent on you. .It's just over and I can't see my future and her not be in it. I break a little each day and its wearing me down.