she doesnt know what she wants?

I've been dating this girl for around 3 months on and off. We have had some good times together, but she really was never over her ex-boyfriend. Recently she just cut it off with me because I guess she still loves him and can't really love me the way I love her until she gets over him. We used to talk every day and we really had something going atleast I thought... I used jealousy tests to see if the girl really liked me and they always worked. I am really upset right now, basically I got into a fight with her a few nights ago and she went home, then I talked to her best friend who I am friends with and she told me that this girl was not over her ex and that she didnt want to date me anymore and she has stopped talking to me. I messed up by pushing a relationship by asking relationship-oriented questions and putting way too much pressure on her. The reason for all this is because she is moving back home about an hour away in 2 months and I wanted to expedite things with her and ended up ****ing it all up in the 1st place. I am trying to just be friends with her untl this blows over, but she doesn't really want to talk to me right now? She wont tell me why were "just friends" now... I know the real reason, but she wont tell me to my face. I don't know if this is ever going to work out, but shit I really like this girl and I am willing to wait. We have done this little "friends" thing before, but this time it's more serious then the past few times. She is also in a bad mood now, which doesnt help me... Maybe she'll get over it soon... I hope for my sake she does... She said that we'll talk later before she signs off IM. What should I do? Wait a while so she can collect her thoughts find out what she really wants? I may add that he broke up with her and wont take her back...

If she's not over her ex, don't try to get into a relationship with her. She needs to get over that relationship before jumping into another one. I wouldn't wait around if I was you.

I agree with Junsui...

Sometimes, things start off on such poor footing there's no recoverying from the trip up. I wouldn't hold my breath for this one. Just take the lesson: Ease up.

He wont get back together with her. He never felt the same way about her that she felt about him, he treated her like shit. She obviously doesnt feel the same about me as she did about him, but maybe it takes time to love someone else when you already love someone. I remember we broke it off earlier in our short lived relationship because she wanted to stop seeing one of us, but couldnt decide who so she said she was going to break it off with both of us.. When I took her out last saturday into nyc she had a really good time and after that could not stop calling my phone the next two days, I really thought we had advanced our relationship, but she is still so ****ed up over her ex-boyfriend maybe she just couldn't follow through on it... Especially when my stupid ass saw her 3 days later and started asking her about her feelings towards me and just putting too much pressure on the girl when she wasnt really ready to answer those questions because she didnt know what she wanted and was still sad about her ex-boyfriend (well they werent exclusive because I was dating her at the same time). The guy didn't treat her very well and usually just invited her over for sex and rarely spent much time with her otherwise. I am no pushover, but I started to get weaker as I fell for her. I was never a pussy about dealing with her, however I put up with alot of bullshit from her. The relationship was really rocky, but I can tollerate a fair amount of shit from a girl that has her qualities. I am still really upset about this whole ordeal, it's really not fun being told that your not as important to someone as they are to you. Especially when you put in alot of effort to make this relationship work. About a week ago we agreed to make an effort to make the relationship work, but when I went over there she was depressed about him again and it just wasn't the right time to do it so I wonder why the hell she said that? I've made it very clear how I feel about her and by doing that I really put pressure on her to say things to me that she didnt want to say, so she'd say she "didnt want to talk about it" and i'd insist and then she would get really annoyed with me. I really hope that this all works out, for all I know with her erratic, lightswitch-like behavior she could call me tomarrow and want to be with me.....

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Originally Posted by Junsui

If she's not over her ex, don't try to get into a relationship with her. She needs to get over that relationship before jumping into another one. I wouldn't wait around if I was you.

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This is true, and you may just be the rebound. I wouldn't wait around for her, and don't push her either or beg or anything like that.

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Originally Posted by Rictor33

He wont get back together with her. He never felt the same way about her that she felt about him, he treated her like shit. She obviously doesnt feel the same about me as she did about him, but maybe it takes time to love someone else when you already love someone. I remember we broke it off earlier in our short lived relationship because she wanted to stop seeing one of us, but couldnt decide who so she said she was going to break it off with both of us.. When I took her out last saturday into nyc she had a really good time and after that could not stop calling my phone the next two days, I really thought we had advanced our relationship, but she is still so ****ed up over her ex-boyfriend maybe she just couldn't follow through on it... Especially when my stupid ass saw her 3 days later and started asking her about her feelings towards me and just putting too much pressure on the girl when she wasnt really ready to answer those questions because she didnt know what she wanted and was still sad about her ex-boyfriend (well they werent exclusive because I was dating her at the same time). The guy didn't treat her very well and usually just invited her over for sex and rarely spent much time with her otherwise. I am no pushover, but I started to get weaker as I fell for her. I was never a pussy about dealing with her, however I put up with alot of bullshit from her. The relationship was really rocky, but I can tollerate a fair amount of shit from a girl that has her qualities. I am still really upset about this whole ordeal, it's really not fun being told that your not as important to someone as they are to you. Especially when you put in alot of effort to make this relationship work. About a week ago we agreed to make an effort to make the relationship work, but when I went over there she was depressed about him again and it just wasn't the right time to do it so I wonder why the hell she said that? I've made it very clear how I feel about her and by doing that I really put pressure on her to say things to me that she didnt want to say, so she'd say she "didnt want to talk about it" and i'd insist and then she would get really annoyed with me. I really hope that this all works out, for all I know with her erratic, lightswitch-like behavior she could call me tomarrow and want to be with me.....

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You're in a tough situation man, and we've all been there. She's not over her ex, and she can't be with you until she doesn't love him anymore, or otherwise this will be a constant problem. Don't hit her up with your feelings anymore. If she comes around and still wants to be with, awesome. But don't start thinking like that is going to happen. Try to move on, and if you are there and still want to be with her if/when she comes around, then cool.

New development.. So her friend decides to bring her to the bar I'm at (im sure she wanted to as well) and she tried to **** with me and I totally ignored her. I didnt even look at her when she was talking to these guys (HAHAHA these guys were like 5'5 chumps) and didnt even acknowledge her when she left... This shows me that she obviously still cares and is just trying to play with me... Well **** it, I don't care anymore. At first I was pissed off, but my friends and I just laughed it up and watched our yanks lose (too bad) I am so happy right now, just to think I was beating myself up over this and crying 6 hours ago is making me sick. FRIENDS?! hahaha who the **** would want to be friends with that *****. It's no longer a mystery to me why everyone hates her and her horrible attitude. I'm not going to say I don't still have feelings for her because I do. But if this girl decides to want a part of me in the future she had better clean her act up, because I ain't dealing with the same shit again. It's funny how people who know her from college tell me I'm stupid for dealing with her and liking her, and everyone who knows her seems to hate her (even people who don't know her well: all my friends and my parents) don't like her act. She thinks just because she is pretty and smart that every guy is going to kiss her feet, yet she likes a guy who is a challenge. Thats quite the combination to have, lets do the math here Bitchy+intollerant+jealous+obsessive+wants a challenge = YOUR GOING TO BE ALONE FOREVER... YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP.. Have a nice life and thanks for making 3 months of mine hell...

welcome to the wonderful world of girls

haha now she is calling me today after I ignored her at the bar last night.. Saying if I'm going to be rude to her then we can't be friends. Now this is hysterical, obviously this "lets be friends thing" is a total farse. Who the **** says let's be friends then calls you the next day wanting to talk about it. I am just going to ignore her for a while and we'll see what transpires. It's very obvious that this girl still likes me, otherwise she wouldn't be calling me the day after. What do you guys think?

Possibly so. Female emotions can be so hard to understand sometimes.

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Originally Posted by Rictor33

It's very obvious that this girl still likes me, otherwise she wouldn't be calling me the day after. What do you guys think?

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Uhm .. This will not sound nice.
She needs you to burst her ego as she knows you like her. Seeing you ignored her at the bar, she feels offended and angry so she desperatly needs to find out whether you're still interested in her. Again, to burst her ego. She thinks of you as the one "who can't resist her" hence

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Originally Posted by Rictor33

if I'm going to be rude to her then we can't be friends.

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"if you're going to ignore me, you'll never see me again but that won't happen anyway because you're a fool and you like me"

That's what I think though, don't jump on me! :sad2:

Now here she is telling me she got back together with her ex and ****ed him last night. Too bad I don't give a shit.

So over the course of 18 hours you went from really liking this girl and willing to wait for her, to not even being upset that she supposedly slept with her ex last night. Sounds like a line of BS, but if its true, I'd be super pissed.

I dont know if she did or not... It's possible that she did, but I am going to do myself the favor of thinking she is full of shit. I just spoke to her for a while... Like I said I wasnt going to and she said she is talking to her ex-boyfriend (they were never exclusive because she dated me at the same time so ex-bf is kinda not true) I told her we could be friends, but I still wanted to hang out with her alone and she said maybe.. Basically I don't know what I want to do with this right now, I still want to see this girl, but I'm not sure if I want to see her if she gets back together with this guy.