Ex called me to say he made a mistake
Ex left me for another girl after 5 years. He recently got back in touch, crying and saying he thinks he made a mistake.
Background:
The last 2 years weren't great - full of arguments, not seeing each other, flirting with girls online.
He went off the rails during this time, after his mum passed away suddenly.
I tried to be tolerant, but after a year of him drinking/smoking weed and driving, just generally making bad decisions, without considering the consequences, we began to argue more.
I was always quite bad at bringing up things that bothered me, more so since his mum passed away, as I knew he was going through so much. Plus he doesn't get along with his dad either, so there's a lot of stress there.
He began working more, we saw each other less. He was making very little effort. We lived 45 minutes away from each other, and I was his first relationship. He had told me he wasn't very experienced with women, didn't get much attention from girls growing up etc.
Not making excuses, but I felt he was suffering from depression, and had suggested he go to see a doctor. He didn't, he isn't very in tune with his feelings. He says he gets overwhelmed by them, and distrscts himself as to not deal with him. I'm the opposite.
Issue:
He kissed a girl at work, who is nine years younger than us. He dumped me a few days later. He was very apologetic though didn't admit to the existence of the other girl until months later. Apparently she had a boyfriend at the time that she dumped too.
Despite this, our break up wasn't terrible, we were never horrible to each other, and if one of us contacted the other, we'd always answer it. He wanted to stay in contact, but after him telling Mr about this girl, I decided that we should no longer speak. We ended on as good terms as possible, more because that would make things easier for me to move on.
Fast forward 5 months later, he contacted me out of the blue. Bear in mind, we had talked here and there about joint bills we had etc.
But this phone call was him crying his eyes out. He said he feels he made a mistake, that he's such an idiot, that I'm an amazing person. That I genuinely cared about him, and he should have more effort, that he still loves me. That every time he does something nice for his new girl, he thinks of how he should have done that for me.
He said he's felt really down for a long time, and he told his new girl that he still thinks about me. He told me he wishes he could have us both, as she is different to me.
He also shared work issues and social issues. We're both quite reserved and introverted, and he feels left out at work. Think we both found it quite comforting to have found someone equally as introverted.
I asked what he wanted me to say, what he wanted to come from the situation.He said he doesn't know, but he was very, very upset, crying etc, which isn't like him. He normally is quite stoic, and keeps his emotions in. I was worried about him.
I told him I needed time to process this, and that he should really think his decision through, as it's not just our feelings involved anymore. This other girl may get hurt too. He told me he would contact me in a week about what he's decided and what I've decided.
I still love him and care. I kind of view it as I was his first relationship. I wanted to settle down, but he wasn't ready. How can he know if he's ready and with the right person if he hadn't been with anyone else.That's how I view it.
What would you do in this situation? Any opinions welcome.
Do you think it's just a case of realising what he had? Or should I abandon all hope of a successful reconciliation?
Thanks in advance.
